Can anyone help me with my boyfriend?

I never thought I'd ask for dating advice online, but I never thought I'd need advice this badly. I've been dating this guy, we'll call him Bob, for a year and a few months. Bob and I have always gotten along, he's my best friend and my favorite person in the world. I've been through everything with Bob: death of loved ones, serious injury, being away for weeks at a time, some minor fights..basically anything a couple goes through, we've been through. We've always made it out a stronger couple than before, but it's because I've always been the one who gets hurt. Bob has broken up with me twice, once in December and once in January. Both times he's told me he "just doesn't feel a relationship anymore," then called me crying a few hours later telling me he was dumb and can't live without me. Bob is 18, and I'm about to turn 16. He's going to college soon, but he's only going to a University a few minutes from my house. Bob also has recently decided drinking makes him look cool. I trust him with all my heart, I KNOW he wouldn't ever cheat on me. The past 3 weeks he's blown me off Friday AND Saturday to go hang out with his college buddies so they can party. I don't want to be the girlfriend that nags and tells him he can't party and do what he wants, so I don't ever say anything to him. I know he understands that he's been hurting me by doing this, but I don't think he understands just how much it hurts. He says things like "I got so wasted last night, that party was crazy. College is going to be great. Get drunk, pass out at 3 am, wake up at 10, then do it again!" That bothers me. It makes me wonder if it's going to be like this all the time when he's in college. I don't know any of the people he's at these parties with, so I don't know if other girls know about me. They could be hitting on him, and my drunken Bob could be flirting heavily back. I don't want to ask him if he does, because I've done this before and all he did was get mad and say "If you don't trust me, this isn't going to work." But I DO trust him, I just don't trust drunken Bob around girls that are probably really attractive. There are a lot more stories I could tell about him getting drunk, but I don't want to give our identities away, so I'll leave it at that. The past 3 weeks I've gone out with my friends to go bowling, see movies, or just hang out somewhere to get him off my mind, but I always end up crying myself to sleep wondering what he's doing. I'm so tired of feeling this way every single night, but I know breaking up would hurt--after all, it's happened twice before. I just don't know which pain would hurt worse, being without him and him being free to do whatever he wants with other girls, or having him but never seeing him because he likes to brag to all his friends that he got drunk at a college party. He doesn't appreciate how lenient I've been with him, and I'm tired of being the one who spends her nights alone and crying while he's out having a good time without me. He went to a college 2 and a half hours away on Friday night to party. He was supposed to come home Saturday night and spend it with me, but he decided he wanted to stay where he was and party another night. He comes home today and I've been thinking about breaking up with him, but I don't think I'll be able to. When he does finally make time for me, he makes me happier than anyone else in the world. He's exactly like me, and he always knows exactly what to say to make me laugh. I love being with him, but I hate the way he hurts me and doesn't care. I don't know what to do anymore... I've talked to family and friends, but they just say to dump him. They're too close to me though, they don't like seeing me hurt, so naturally they'll say that. I need the opinion of some people who don't know us. Thanks for reading this, I know it's long. All comments are appreciated, but try to remember that I'm only telling you about one of the bad sides of our relationship. We've had a year of amazing times together that would be hard to forget, and he really is an amazing guy. He never forgets anniversaries, brings me flowers randomly, is a gentleman to me, and we've been voted cutest couple I don't know how many times. I lost my virginity to him also. I know I'm young, but when you've had a relationship as amazing as the one Bob and I have had, you trust them with your whole heart. I never expected him to break it like this... What should I do?

Public Comments

1. (bob) should treat u with more respect and if he does not care about your feeling as much as he should and he kind of uses u like when there is no party then u are there so my opinion is either keep going out with him and let him treat u like crap or find someone caring kind would rather be with u then his drunk friends so there u have it u could give him a couple days to get things straited out or find someone that cares about your relation ship as much as u do
2. Wow. I think you're me with an older boyfriend [mines 16]:/ Girl, I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I'm going through it right now, at this exact moment. My boyfriend [of a year and a few months], well, ex boyfriend, started changing. He drinks, smokes and parties, and when we started going, he didn't do any of these things. At first, I didn't want to try to control him, I was like you and didn't want to nag but that didn't work. So then I tried to stop him, and at first he even promised that he would stop all the stuff he did. All that happened was him disappointing me. So we broke up. Then we started going back out and it happened again. Right now we're broken up, but we know we still love each other. We talk on the phone and TELL each other we love each other. The thing is, our relationship was basically perfect except for these habits of his. He's like your boyfriend, he wouldn't forget anniversaries [once he pulled me aside in school and gave me a super cute/long kiss and whispered "happy 500 days, i love you"] and all of that. I love him with all of my heart, and I know we're going to go back out. I'm giving our relationship one last shot, he's promised to cut down and I'm going to try and deal. What I honestly think is that if I get hurt again, it was worth it for this one last shot at happiness. If it doesn't work out...then it doesn't. I think that you should just talk to him, and tell him what you feel. Don't try to make him completely stop, but tell him how much it hurts you and that even though you do trust him, even he can't competly control his actions when he's drunk. Tell him how much you love and care for him. Tell him you love him. But tell him things have to change. I know what you're going through. My friends tell me that it's a good thing my boyfriend and I have broken up, that it's better this way. But they don't understand... It's only the people who have been through it who understand. Good luck!