Anyone have some advice for a mother in need of some?
My son, an average student, and drug and alcohol free to my knowledge, whom up to this point was an extremely trustworthy and obediant young man has recently completely shattered any remnants of trust between us and disrespected me on a level I could not have imagined. To give a brief synopsis, my teenage son recently started dating a girl considerably younger than himself, and though we may have teased him and questioned his motives on the matter, there ultimately wasn't much to be done to keep him from dating her and eventually it was just accepted. He was spending absurd amounts of time at her house, and as such I implemented the rule that he could only stay out after five on weekends, while on weekdays he had to be home for dinner. To skirt this he began to bring her back home with him, and out of the blue began spending time and sleeping over at his male friend's houses. But I did not find this suspicious because he was a good kid, and I trusted him. It all more or less came crashing down when he forgot to call one night, and I, angered I searched madly to locate him. The lack of an update had made me upset enough that I decided I was going to go pick him up from his friend's house. When asked which friend's house he was at and what the address was, he said he didn't know...but by this point I knew he was at his girlfriend's house, keeping in mind it's about one a.m. At this point I blew up. I completely lost control. I asked what # he was calling from and when I found out it was his gf's mother's phone, I demanded to be put on the line with the woman. When I had her on the line, she quite blatantly lied to me and it became clear that she was enabling my son's deceit. I'm not sure what an appropriate course of action would be at this point, does anyone have any similar situations or advice on the matter?
Public Comments
- talk to the mom in person and explain what you are comfterble and not comfterble with and explain why listen to what she says, and really take it in make sure your son knows you love him, but start 2 disiplin him
- You really have to wonder why this girl's mother would lie for these two kids. I can't help but feel she's not very mature herself! You had questions about this relationship in the beginning, maybe you should have asked the other mother if she had any reservations as well in regards to their age difference. You had every right to be angry. There is never ever a good reason to lie. I don't know your son, but if he were mine I'd ground his butt until he gains back the trust that he lost. I'd also have a talk with this other mother and tell her I certainly don't appreciate her lying to me about my son's whereabouts. And if they want to continue to date I'd see to it that they do so under My roof during reasonable hours, and absolutely no overnight time. I mean..REALLY, what kind of girl is this woman raising?! I went through almost the same thing with my 17 year old son and I let it be known I was not happy at all with the situation. I didn't really YELL, but i was stern with my son. Good luck. I hope you can talk to him and make him see that this is not the best of situations.
- I don't personally have kids, but I was a teenager not too long ago... Many of my coworkers tell me a lot about how they deal with their kids, so I have pretty much heard it all... To me it seams like you instill values with your son, and he respects you (until recently) Its parents like you that make your kid grow up to really know right from wrong. And parents like the girls mother, who could care less and dont have any values. Kids do make mistakes and you cant completely stop trusting him! I am just curious how old your son is. Is he old enough to drive and have a job? I think setting a time of 5pm on weekend is really early, and that he would have started revolted sooner rather than later... in college the ones that didnt have leeway in hs went crazy in college, let him get into some trouble so he knows how to get out of it when he is on his own... I understand why you freaked out, and I think what the other mother did was totally wrong! You can talk to the mother and say that in your family you have a certain set of rules and that you would appreciate it if she would help you follow them. But something tells me that she might just turn around and be the "fun mom" and start bad mouthing you which will pull you more away from your son... my "experience" with this... was that I was a good kid, but when I was 17 I stayed at my bf's house till 10pm when I got home my mother freaked out and slapped me across the face (which she never ever hit me before) and called me a slut... she even tried to go as far as to forbid me to see him... but as almost all hs relationships go... they end... and life goes on and you learn from your mistakes...
- hmm that was wrong of the mother to lie to you. im 14 and my boyfriend is older. but she just doesent like him because he is older, and hispanic even though its only 2 years and something months older. he probably just wanted to sleep with her, and i dont mean sex, i mean just like sleep. anless your son has sex? then maybe, but i know that me and our boyfriend want to cuddle up and sleep together so bad!lol so maybe it was that? he shouldnt have lied to you but it could be worse. you sound a LOT like my mom! lol but i think you should talk to him, not like a mom, but as a friend, i know i would open up to my mom if she was more like a friend. just dont make him stop seeing her. my mom told me i cant talk to my bf of over a year. and not getting to do things with him on weekends hurts... a lot. and if she is a really bad person, or slutty. then say you dont think he should see her, like if she is influencing him. unlike my bf who is the most respectable towards me. but my mom wont beleive that of course. :] but he IS a teenager, and he sounds like a good person. at least he isnt doing drugs right? :D let him learn from his mistake. set some boundaries butt dont be too hard on him. :]
