I need dating advice!! Men only!?

I've been dating a guy for 3 months. We're exclusive and we both really care about each other. The only problem is his work schedule is so hectic that he hardly has time for me. Either he's at work, or he's tired. He says he's used to most women leaving him because of his busy schedule. I think he's worth sticking around for so I spend time with him when it's convenient for him...that means we don't "date" much. We do see each other often but it's never for long periods of time. He thanks me for being so "understanding" even though I often have a problem with not being able to see him as much as I'd like to. My question is, am I truly being understanding or am I letting him take advantage of me? Is a work schedule a legitimate excuse or should I expect more from him?

Public Comments

1. its legitimate, if you dont work you cant survive in this world and work can be quite demanding. i think its good that you are understanding and you care enough to stay with him, we cant tell you if you are been taken advantage of its a decision or feeling that you have to make yourself weather you are feeling used or loved
2. You outline the reasons for his disappearance, agree that he's worth the wait, then you ask if it's worth it or if you're making a mistake by doing what you agreed to...what's wrong with this picture??? Your behavior is typically female, which is why most mature, informed guys don't want a monogamous relationship...you make it too hard! The guy is not working because he wants to spent time away from you; he's doing it to build a better future for himself and whoever sticks around long enough to become a permanent fixture. If you prove that you can't be trusted or relied upon to stand beside him through thick and thin, what makes you any different from the rest of the women he's dated?!
3. To me this is more a question about you and whether your needs are being satisfied. If you see a light at the end of the tunnel then stick with it, but if that is not likely, then you may have to look elsewhere. He's not taking advantage of you, you're just letting yourself down, in my opinion.
4. I ain't a man but I'll tell you this. If he really is working and bringing home the bacon I'd stick around.
5. Well Missy, I think it depends on your goals. Maybe you should both sit down and write out goals for each other. Plan and have some milestones...I'm not sure if that is too early... But I think it is helpful when couples sit down and write down their objectives with each other. You may find out stuff that you didn't know....like maybe he doesnt want to have children for about 5 years...but you do. C what I mean? Best thing about relationships is building them...everything from financial planning to where you are going to live... how your children will be raised etc. I'm just the Bonger so...you can take my Song for what its worth. Good Luck Missy.
6. I'm not sure if it's a legitimate excuse....I think it comes down to his priorities...and it seems like his job has been his main concern for awhile......But if you are fine with that then I think your understanding is great......I know people say all the time that they don't have time for certain things....But, no matter how busy I am, I always MAKE time.....if you really care about someone...you do whatever it takes not to lose her.
7. First of all you need to find out why he's so busy, if its all work and he doesn't need the money that bad, then i don't see any reason why he shouldn't make time to spend with you. For example, I go to college in the morning, after I get off I go home for an hour and a half and go to work for about 9 hours so i can pay my bills. My schedule is busy, but my main reason for that is my college, I know what i am doing now would pay off eventually and in a year it will end and I wont have to live the life i am living now, since i would have my degree and a good job. So that's what you need to make sure of, if that guy has a plan that would make the life he's living last only so long, or if he's planning to keep on working just to make money for the rest of his life and spend only a little time with you. In other words you have to find out when is he gonna start to make time for you. Also one last thing, if that's your picture on the avatar, then you really are pretty, that's a reason why you should be a little worried, and make sure what this guy is gonna do eventually. I am saying that because since you are pretty, then most guys would try to have sex with you. So the best thing to do is to tell him that you've been going out for 3 months and nothing has changed for his schedule, and you should ask him how much longer are you gonna have to wait for him to make time with you. PS: Watch the movie Click, the message of the movie is that family comes first, and that you shouldn't choose your job over your family.
8. My boyfriend works a ton of hours as well, and we actually have totally different work schedules. But we make it work...I work days. he works nights. We comes up to my office and picks me up for lunch at least twice a week and calls me at least 4 times a day, just to touch in. On weekends when he doesn't have his kids, he makes special plans for us, and always makes me laugh and smile when I'm with him. I don't get to see him as much as I would like sometimes too, but he makes a huge effort to stay connected to me. Does this man go out of his way for you? My bf brings me flowers, calls me from the vitamin store while he's there and asks me if I need anything. My point is, if your gut is telling you that this guy is not a giver, then listen to it. He can say all he wants about his feelings for you. Even if he does work a ton, he can still send signs and signals that he would want it differently. For example, when my bf is working a ton of hours, he makes plans to take me to an expensive restaurant...because he earned the extra money plus he wants to take me somewhere and make me happy. Does this man do this. Don't listen to what Invincible Man says. Your gut is telling you something about this guy...some guys are givers and some guys expect a woman to do all the work, be accomodating and not go out of their way..Only time will tell as you spend more time with this guy...the huge red flag with this guy is that nobody ever sticks around. Some men are simply selfish and don't know how to give. Good luck in figuring out what you are dealing with.
9. my 2 cents worth.... Having answered some of your questions and coming to learn a little about you (educated in literacy) and attending Uni.... I need to point out a few things: 1. This guy has such a busy schedule - meaning he obviously knows how to manage time...yet he can't manage some time for you? To me the busy schedule is sadly a poor excuse... 2. By his own admittance he shows that he is not a person to rate relationships highly - after not learning from his previous mistakes he still runs the "rat race". That is a great concern for you as it shows several things - lack of respect for himself and those around him, lack of maturity to take others into account. 3. It would appear that he has a high work ethic - either aiming for a goal that is rewarding for him or will benefit him. My experience (having been trapped in that same cycle) is that when you are always working to a busy schedule you never really get a chance to appreciate the finer things in life. 4. He has the "balls" to committ to a exclusive relationship but then not be around for the other....lets take into account that some people out there are MARRIED to their workplace and as such it is hardly an exclusive relationship....so what should have been said is " lets have an exclusive relationship - you cant see others - and i wont see others - but see it is not a problem for me because I dont have time to see you anyway so it is cool...." - think you get the point here. 5. Any early stage of a relationship is about exploring each other - your strengths and weaknesses and also the personaility of the other...in this case you are opening yourseld up to being hurt - committing your time and your energy to someone who is not going to open himself up to you = that you will never learn who he truly is - at the end of the day he is a chameleon. 6. Look at what you want and how this current "relationship of convenience" is benefitting you. Reverse things and ask yourself how would he react if he had a 6 hours free to see a movie with you and you said " i am tired" or i have a busy schedule....that will give you an indication. So the list continues - but seriously you are too smart and too good to be caught up in chasing another person's dream at the risk of losing your own goals, wants and desires. Why not tell him - if he can not be there for you and manage his time properly - (after all relationships are hard work) then why should it be exclusive? why should it even be.... Trust that gives food for thought---good luck with it all and dont be chase shadows or promises in relationships - take what is real (can be seen, felt, touched) after all a relationship is like a waking up in the morning to a beautiful day - the sunshine will warm you and embrace you...pity the people that sit in a dark room thinking of what the sunshine is like - and just let your radiance glow. There is a right man out there who will value your time (more than his own) will know how to compromise to ensure that both are happy...