My marriage is falling apart? Help, I need some advice?

Its not that I have low self-esteem or that he is tall, dark and handsome and irresistible and I liked the chase. That was not the case at all. From the moment we met, I loved him. I loved his smile, his laugh, how he looked at me. I loved him so much that the feeling was overwhelming. Then we moved in together and I was never more happy. We married in Vegas a few months later. I tried not to think about it but I always thought this would end. Making sure whatever home we purchased that I could afford it on my own and etc. Then he started with going out with his friends all the time, and he would come home at 4 in the morning and we stopped liking each other. I started to hate all his friends and he hated everyone I knew. After 4 years of living together and 8 months of fighting everyday, I asked him to move out. I was fine for the first 3 months and was really looking forward to starting over. I then started to remember how I felt when things were good. How he brought home movies every Tuesday night and they were always chick flicks ( because he knew i would like them) and would make me dinner in bed when I was sick. He would rub my back and always told me that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I missed him. I called him after 3 months and we starting dating again. Living in separate houses and "dating". I realize that he loves me as much as he is capable of loving someone. Meaning if he ever dates someone else, I don't think he would be able to establish a better relationship with them. Its just who he is. I am stuck now wondering if I should move on or try to fix this? Is that enough of a reason to stay with someone when you know that you will end up by yourself again someday because he is just not capable of having a real relationship? I really need someones advice. If you have any, feel free!

Public Comments

1. Long on details, but short on real info. How old are the two of you? Any kids in the middle of this? What possessed you to move to Vegas? I suppose, taking everything you've said for Gospel, he's not a man and therefore, a marriage is impossible with this man. Good Luck!
2. even being a prostitute has more dignity than being with you in any role and any way. God I feel sorry for those people around you. no, of course not, i am green of jelousy (smile). Everything you say. and more because you are so humble, you never give the worst of possibilities. you always have faith in people.
3. i feel you would be making a mistake taking him back.you already know how he is and why would you put yourself through this again?if you want to just see him like you are doing now,then that's up to you.i really think you need to move on with your life.
4. Listen to your heart honey...A lot of people break up and end up wishing they hadn't. Remember all the good times. They are real !!
5. You girls just can't resist those bad boys can you? LOL Picture it all 10 or 20 years down the line when you're older. Is this the path to where you want to be? If he's fun, fine. Keep him as a toy until you find something that's going to work out in the long run. But if you keep trying to find that diamond in the rough you're going to keep coming up with hands full of dirt. And the same for him. He's a fun loving breed but they don't domesticate well. Think of him as an amusement park. Great place to visit but a terrible crowded noisy place to live.
6. What was it that made you think it wouldn't work out from the beginning? I would explore that. If you are sure it won't work, then it definitely won't. Why did you hate his friends? Why did he come home at 4 in the morning? It sounds like he loves you, but just can't commit to the responsibility of marriage full time. This is similar to what I have gone through. If you are certain he is not capable, then move on. If this is something you could fix, then give it your best shot. Have you tried any counseling? If you both love each other, I would give it a shot.
7. Since you started out expecting it to end, dont you think your actions in the marriage showed that? being prudent is one thing, but right out of the gate you were thinking about divorce. Maybe that was the underlying cause of most of your problems. Your daily attitude adds up over time, and i bet he kind of picked up on that.
8. It comes down to it sounds like no matter who he is with, he will be ..dating (?) others. If you can accept this and are willing to settle for a slice (whatever size it may be) of his attention, then it could work out for you 2. If you cannot accept just a slice, then you should move on. I worked with a guy once by the name Fred. Fred was married, had a great looking wife (who seemed nice) and had 2 kids. But he didn't see why that should prevent him from dating. They separated but after about 3 months realized they could not afford to support his apartment and their house. So they moved back in together, he said the deal was - she got his last name, but he had his freedom. At one time, he was..dating (doesn't seem like the right word) at least 3 married women who worked on our floor. All at the same time. He even got caught having sex with one of the women, while at work, in a broom closet. Fred was skinny and, in my opinion, on the ugly side. Asked one of the women (extremely good looking) and she said she just got tired of him asking her for sex all the time.
9. Oh honey my heart goes out to you. You said you always knew it wouldn't work, right? Yep, that sounds familiar. That was your gut talking to you back then and I bet you're wishing you had listened, huh? I know how sweet he used to be, all those kind things he did, and how wonderful he made you feel. And then reality arrived. I perceive that one or both of you had a death wish for this relationship. Have you ever heard the saying, "...so you think, so you are?" Do you ever remember hearing him say anything to the effect of, "things just never work out for me, or everytime I love somebody, something bad happens." Think about some early conversations you guys have had. Could you have said things unintentionally that could have led him to believe you had little hope for your relationship? Sometimes we say and do things that we don't even realize are affecting people in all the wrong ways. Just a thought. This might require a qualified professional.
10. No, its not worth it. You are setting yourself up for more hurt. It would be best to end it, deal with the loss for a time, then find someone more compatible. Why would you put up with someone who did those things and showed now capacity to change? If he meant the things he said, he would not do things that hurt you. Sorry to tell you this, but that is the way it is. good luck.
11. It sounds like you still have feelings for each other, and if that is the case, neither one of you is ready to call "quits" on your relationship. We can all reminisce back to the beginning of our relationships, when we were in the sweeping you off your feet mode. The truth is that doesn't last, but the love should. A marriage is filled with highs and lows, good days, and bad days. I believe everyone is capable of having a relationship. Your husband included. People learn as they grow in life, and relationships. You need to give him a chance to stick with you, and work things out. Him staying out, it sounds like there is a problem at home that he isn't/wasn't sharing with you, maybe because he was scared of the reaction he may get. You said yourself that the fighting was constant. Men are not argumentative like we are, and in a situation like that, those late nights may be to avoid the fighting because he doesn't like it either. A good way to tell if a relationship is over for sure with no chance of reconciliation is to ask your self this question: "Can I walk away from this and not be angry, bitter, or mad?" and "Can I walk away from this without fighting, and resenting him?" If you honestly can walk away, and not be mad at him, or bitter, and the fighting has subsided, and you wish him well, then you are ready to move on. If not, then you still have feelings for him, and tough as it may be, you need to fight for your relationship. It sounds like you guys may have just been to quick to make some really big life decisions in the begining, but that doesn't mean that they were the wrong decisions. To try and bring back that "beginning love" that you once shared, try doing something new and adventurous. Go away together, or go out of your way to make him feel like he is your everything. If everyday, when you wake up, you think "what can I do today to show my husband that I love him?" and he the same for you, you will sweep each other off of your feet again. It just takes alot of work, because relationships are hard, and commitments are even harder. Everyone wants to feel accepted and loved and above all else, by their partner. When this is achived, the outcome is well worth the work! I say, keep at it, and don't give up. As the saying goes, "We all find true love only once in this world, and then we spend the rest of our lives trying to find it again!" Don't give up on your relationship over the fighting. Fighting is a sign of caring, because if you didn't care, you wouldn't fight. You missed him, it isn't over... Go Get Him Back!!
12. You've been very honest about this man, his capabilities, the good, the bad, the ugly. But in all honesty, even w/the great memories you have, you know in your heart it just cannot be possible to live a complete life w/him. I truly believe you know the answer to your question, you just want assurance that you're correct in what you should do. You know it's not going to be a forever thing, regardless of how much you'd like it to be. You know you're only going to end up being alone again w/all the in between things starting up again then to have it end the same exact way. I'm a firm believer in that things happen for a reason. There's a reason why you didn't make it the first time. Do you really want to prove to yourself this is only going to happen again?! None of us are getting any younger. Why don't you take your younger years & find someone who you truly can be happy with. Someone who w/give you a great ending & a good solid relationship. Someone who w/always be there for you/with you thru thick & thin, in the good times & the not so good times. Accept the fact you are just NOT going to be able to have a total commitment w/this person. Accept the fact you'd be throwing more of your "good years" for naught. I once lived a very similar life as yours for 12 yrs. I did everything in my power to make or should I say to try to make it work. But like you, I knew in my heart no matter how much I wanted it to work that it never would. We too seperated. He called one nite & wanted to come back. Something made me instantly accept the fact I could no longer go thru this again. I told him no. I felt like a ton of bricks had finally rolled off my shoulders. Acceptance was the thing that made it happen. He left the area, that was 20 yrs. ago & I have never regreted the decision I finally was able to make. I had no remorse, no sadness, just total freedom of that weight I'd been carrying around all those yrs. only because I loved him SO much. Only thing was, that love was not 100% returned in the same way I felt it to be. Yes, you said it when you stated "he loved me as much as he was capable of loving me". If that wasn't my same exact story I don't know what was/is. I whole heartedly suggest you go w/your honest truthful feelings. Accept the fact is just cannot be, & move on like I did. Finally set yourself free too. There is someone out there who w/make you happy in the way you want to be happy. Someone who w/return your love, someone you deserve. I truly believe you know the answer to your question, & I trust you w/have the courage, the acceptance to make the correct decision. I believe you will! ALL the best to you...:)
13. He never left, you did, you dumped him, he loves you, butyet you are scared that he is going to leave. DONT LET YOU INSECURITIES RUIN YOUR LIFE, yes your insecurities, the fact that you think that he would leave you says a lot about you. Worst case: he will leave you and you will be heartbroken, so what, yes it hurts a lot, but makes you feel like a human, and gives you strength, Been there, its been about six month and I am healing, its slow but I am healing and will get over it eventually, be strong, be independent, know that the grass is always greener on the other side, this is the second time I answer this Q, you better give me best answer.