I am torturing myself.. I need advice.. Please help..?

I think I always knew that he did not love me as much I loved him. Its not that I have low self-esteem or that he is tall, dark and handsome and irresistible and I liked the chase. That was not the case at all. From the moment we met, I loved him. I loved his smile, his laugh, how he looked at me. It took us over two years to tell each other we loved each other (even though I could have told him the first night, I just did not think he felt the same). Then we moved in together and I was never more happy in my life. I always thought to myself deep down that one day I would lose him and he would leave. I tried not to think about it but it was always there. Making sure whatever home we purchased that I could afford it on my own and etc. Then he started with going out with his friends all the time, and he would come home at 4 in the morning and we stopped liking each other. I started to hate all his friends and he hated everyone I knew. We started with the battle of the mother's. His mom did that and my mom did this. After 4 years of living together and 8 months of fighting everyday, I asked him to move out. I was fine for the first 3 months and was really looking forward to starting over. My house was mine. No cleaning up after him and so on. I then started to remember I how felt when things were good. All the little things that mattered. How he brought home movies every Tuesday night and they were always chick flicks ( because he knew i would like them) and would make me dinner in bed when I was sick. He would rub my back and always told me that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I missed him. I called him after 3 months and we starting dating again. Now we are back to how it was in the beginning. Living in separate houses and "dating". I realize that he loves me as much as he is capable of loving someone. Meaning if he ever dates someone else, I don't think he would be able to establish a better relationship with them. Its just who he is. I am stuck now wondering if I should move on or try to fix this? I love him so much but is that enough of a reason to stay with someone when you know that you will end up by yourself again someday because he is just not capable of having a real relationship? I really need someones advice. If you have any, feel free! I posted this questions about an hour ago. I did not get but only a few replies. I reposted using a different question. Just for anyone who already read this novel.

Public Comments

1. You asked this earlier and I didn't answer because I knew you didn't want to hear my answer, but...here it goes. He will never be enough for you. If you are already questioning this and saying things like, "he loves me as much as he's capable of loving someone", it will never be enough for you. TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE ASKING. I've been married for 12 years to a man just like you are describing. I love him, I chose him, I will never leave him, but to answer to question you are wanting answered, NO. It will never be enough. Don't settle.
2. hello Jen I cant help but wonder if you are looking for the answer you already have in your mind, you know what the situation is and yet you think you should pursue it still, do your self a favour babe, move on
3. Instead of trying to fix this you need to focus on you. What type of relationship do you want? If you want one that's meaningless then stay in the one you're in. If you want more then it's time to move on to a person who is capable of doing that. Seek counseling for yourself and find a way to get on with your life apart from this person unless you're willing to live your life on his terms.
4. No one should ever settle! Decide what it is you want from a relationship - what you will and will not accept, then stick to your guns.
5. You seem to really care about him and love him. If he does care about you in the same way, I would try to make a go of it. Treat each other with a lot of respect and always try to communicate.
6. Hi there. I think you are a nice woman, and I also think your post is interesting. Well...I would suggest you think about investing some time and money on yourself, and consider going to therapy or counseling. Seems to me like you love him, and he appears to love you as well. Why isn't the way he is enough for you? Perhaps this is the root of the problem...You might have this fantasy about a "perfect" relationship and you measure yours according to it! Please remember...nothing in life is either perfect..or free! Usually one person loves more than the other one in relationships...There is nothing really wrong in this, as long as you can see it and you can deal with it. If you truly think he loves you as he is capable of, then you will have to accept it. But if you feel you need more, or want more, and he is unable or unwilling to give it to you, then you will have to accept he is who he is and that he cannot change. Love is about accepting who we are...and later on, about accepting who the other person is as well. We cannot make other people change and be who we want them to. That is immature...and frustrating. Good luck. See a therapist.
7. well I am married and I have only been married for a year, but its not worth it. You could be blocking your blessings for a real love opportunity. I have been there but once you find true love you will know it will excel on all levels. It is natural to feel the "missing syndrome " I call it because you shared something with that person but don't put your life on hold for anyone or anything, I have been there hoping for that better tomorrow but it never comes, that next level but never gets there. The back and forth and up and down , love hate. No you should have stood your ground the first time around but its never too late. You should give your self some "me" time and get to know you , never settle for more than you can affoard and patience is a vertue enjoy you, and if he wants to step it up make him prove it. Show him your worth it and do something for you thats how I met my husband whom is wonderful might I ad. We've gone through our sh*t but I wouldnt trade it for the world. So hun try focusing on you be afraid but dont be scared. Watch and see what unfolds when you have faith.
8. This is a hard one. I feel a lot of the same ways about my b.f. . Im a firm believer that some people's emotions run deeper than others. That some people love harder. I dont know Im going through this kind of situation to. My man treats me pretty well just like yours. Besides going out with his friends to much. Everybody knows he loves me more than hes ever loved another women and prob. ever will , but I still feel like its not enough. He prob. just doesnt have deep enough feelings and you need more emotionally. If you honestly think he can grow in this way then stay. But if you think that this is always how its gonna be and your not gonna be able to handle it you cant stay. You already got past the hard part you shouldnt have went back with out asking yourself that question. How old is he? Maybe he just not emotionally mature enough yet you know we do when were in our early to mid 20's and it takes them to early or mid 30's and sometimes never!! LOL We all have our arguments and if you do stay together everything you've been through will only make you stronger.
9. I dont get it? Whats wrong with him? Just because he hangs out till 4 am. I am pretty sure he doesnt do it everyday, and also, this thing will get old. Dont be fooled by "Happily ever after", you gotta mature up and know what mariage is about, he gets bored as much as you do.. I dont think that he has a big problem, and I do think that he loves you, but maybe he just cannot show his real emotions, my ex used to tell me this all the time.
10. If you want to remain "sane" you`d better "move on" it isn`t going to go "anywhere is it ?" you "both want diffierent things" you want the love and companionship that being together brings - he wants a "single life with the boys" and "you" when he feels like it........time to tell him "you want more out of this then he`s prepared to give" and move your life on - you don`t need all this!! Lifes full of troubles as we go on - whats the point in "knowing you on a hideing for nothing" trying to make this work. and all the heart break this will bring you in the future.........do you really need all that ? Theres lots of good guys out there waiting to meet you. and you`ll find someone who wants "you for yourself". just give it a bit of time......If you stay as your are now in later life you will regret all thats happen to you..........move on. Better to have your "heart broken" now than in later life.