I am 20 years old a single parent with a 9 month old little girl. I need some answers or advice?

I am a single mother with a nine month old daughter. When I found out I was pregnant my daughters dad left me and told me he wanted nothing to do with our daughter. He has never seen her or even tried to see her. I am now dating a old friend of mine . We have been doing very well. and we get along so great. However, he hates the fact that I had a child with someone else. I have told him numerous times that I am over her dad and the situation that happened. Its been almost two years and Believe it or not I am way over it. I dont care for her dad, I dont think about him I dont love him. What he has done to our daughter is so cold-hearted . So i will never forgive him. I told the guy that I am dating that under our circumstances ( me and my daughters dad) that i could care less about him. there is no way I would ever take him back. I can say I dislike him so much. He says that he just cant believe and he just doesnt think that I am over it. He tells me he loves me but last night he told me he wanted a break because he thinks things are moving to fast and he says he needs time . he says he's not only jumping into something with me but he is jumping into a family. It scares him. He has only seen my daughter one time and he said when he saw her it hurt him because he knew she wasnt his. the whole thing is it bothers him . He tells me that my daughter is so young and that maybe it would be different if she were older... By the way he is 27. I am so hurt because this is a guy that I saw future with .someone I feel comfortable bringing my daughter around... what can this mean. I am so confused. How can i make things better. i really want to know why he waited this long to tell me. please help.

Public Comments

1. If a guy doesn't accept your kid, move on. You are a mother first.
2. There isn't anything you can do about the way he feels about getting involved with an already made family. Find someone who loves your daughter just as much as you do.
3. It sounds like he does care for both you and your daughter. There isn't anything you can do to change his mind. Just go slowly, and maybe he will come around. If not, don't give up hope. There are other men out there that won't mind you having a child. Good luck.
4. He's probably just scared, because you have a history with your daughter's father. Although you have no feelings for him, you will always have an connection- your child. It sounds like your boyfriend really cares about you, he's just trying to clear his head. If he commits himself to you, he also commits himself to your daughter and being her father. I would give him some time to think it over. Maybe while he's doing that you can try to figure out what has given him the idea you still have feelings for your daughter's father. Do you speak about him often? Have photos of him around? Anything like that? Honestly, all you can do is assure him that you have no feelings for your old boyfriend, and the only thing he ever gave your was your daughter, who will never know him. Good luck.
5. I'm sorry. I have a 6 year old, same thing. Never has laid eyes on his dad. It's tough to find someone who will accept you and your child. It sounds like friend is not able to do that. Move on from him. I know it's hard. Focus on you and your daughter. Someone will come along who will love the two of you. If it makes you feel any better I am not married for almost two years. While blending the family was not easy at first, we are all doing just great now. A piece of advice - You did the right thing by not involving this man with your daughter. Be careful of future dating and letting those men meet your daughter. It only ends on heart break for her too if you guys split.
6. You are a package deal. If he doesn't accept your child now - it will only get worse as time goes on. I would hate for you to put your daughter in that position - happy to have a father figure, but one that treats her like garbage...is that what you really want for the both of you? Dump him - it'll be hard - but very much worth it...There's a guy out there for you that will accept the situation as is and be happy to be a part of it...Get out there and find him!
7. let me give u a little advice.... if you ever get wit someone else that man must love your child more than he loves u!!! This man is no good for you if he loved u he would except you wit your daughter... there is so much get to know more ppl theres plenty of time ur just 20...if it help im also 20 and single mother of a little boy he 15mths and there is men who will except u with a child... im dating a man and he is very nice with my son and always plays with him and takes us out... all of my guy friends are like fathers to him.. but my sons father is there for him...
8. Well I think he is fighting his conscions about you having someone else and the scar is you daughter. Please give him room and time to make a decission he can live with. Most men will have to live with this for the rest of thier lives. Some men will accept it and not mind and some men will relive your situation over and over everytime they make love to a woman or see the children that they have. All men are different but if he is immature at this time it will only cause problems for you and him. If you have to forget him and wait for the right one.
9. He is just scared about the whole situation. Getting more serious and eventually marring you means that he will automatically will turn in to your daughters dad (since the dad is gone) that is a really big step he is not ready take. He probably wants kids but is afraid that he won't be able to make a real conection father/daughter conection with your daughter. Even if you despise your ex and he eventually desides to appear and be part of your daughters life, he knows you can not keep him from beign from his daughter and that will make him part of your life Your daughter will always keep you conected to him and that scares him. Hat you, him and your daughter where never a famaly and one day you might want to give a shot. Just take things slower and make sure he know you want to be with him. .
10. My husband had a child with someone else while we were split up. It was a one night stand. We have been involved with the child since he was 2 weeks old, he is now 18 months. I have never accepted this child or forgiven my husband for it after all this time. He says the same thing about her, he is not interested in her or have any feelings toward her. I didn't believe him and now my husband and I are on the verge of a divorce. I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from, and that is not fair to you or your child. He is lucky that the dad is out of the picture, it would make things way more difficult. If he cannot be there for you or the child together, you will find someone who will. Maybe when he steps away from everything, he will see it is not so bad and the baby can be his too...just not biologically, but he could have a great influence on her life. I wish you the best. Be strong for the baby and be happy. It will always work out for the best.
11. There is nothing you can do to make the situation happen just give him some time but if he can't except your daughter then you shouldn't except him your daughter is the most important thing and if he can't get over her dad even though you have then maybe now was a good time to find out. Give him space for a bit if he really does care about you he will come around.... and how can it be two years? your daughter is only 9 months and you where prego for nine months..thats 18 months....
12. What he doesn't have a past? You don't say how long you have been dating this current tool, but he knew you had a child or were going to have one before you started dating. And now he needs a break. Honey, save yourself the BS and move on! Find a MAN! Not an immature, and insecure child. You have enough to worry about with a sweet baby, you don't need to raise this guy too. It hurt him to see your child because she isn't his. Oh Please! He needs to grow up! You shouldn't even consider dating anyone who doesn't accept Your child, she needs to come first to you AND the person who wants to be in your future. You are a package deal-tell him to take it or leave it. Don't let him make your life anymore complicated.
13. I must say I went through almost the exact same thing. I got pregnant just before my 19th birthday and had my son just before my 20th, however his "sperm donor" hit the road about 2 or 3 months after he was concieved. I didn't even think about dating until my son was around 4 or 5 months old out of pure fear of one, being rejected again and two, having my son get hurt. When I did start dating again I found my fair share of losers that promised me the moon and stars until they found out that I had a child then it was buh-bye, see ya later. I felt completely hopeless and thought I would be alone the rest of my life so I stopped trying to find someone and just decided to enjoy my life and my son. Then around the time he was 1 1/2 I met a guy that I intended nothing more than friendship with and it blossomed into true love. My son is now 7 1/2 and that same guy is now my husband and the only father my son has ever known. We have had 2 more boys and he still treats my oldest just as much as his son as the younger boys. All I can say sweetie is hang in there and don't lay all of your hopes on someone that can't commit to EVERY part of you...this includes commiting to your daughter. Someone will come along when you least expect it, keep your chin up and ENJOY that baby because men will come and go but those moments you have with your daughter when she is young will stay in your heart forever!
14. All you can do is let him have his space. It will take a great leap of faith for him to marry you if he is saying these things, but you never know. You have to understand that this guy (I'm assuming) has never had a child before. So he will need a lot of time with the child to feel brave enough to connect with her. He does not know how to relate with any child as a father, because he was not there when she was born. I know it may sound weird, but a man has a hard time being a father to someone elses child unless he has had a child. He just doesn't know what to do. And not knowing creates uncertainty and fear. I wish you well, but you just need to be patient and see what happens. He waited this long to tell you because he has strong feelings towards you. But, he cannot relate to your child. To have any chance, if he comes back, include your child into the relationship. He will either adjust or he will run. If he leaves then it is for the best. Sorry to tell you this, but in the long run, you can find someone who will accept the both of you.
15. Don`t forget your child goes first!..He (BF)isn`t comfortable with the idea,,I don`t think he will be a great partner nor father. If I were you I`d give it a second thought..Your child deserves more that that..I guess as I see it right now, it`ll be a big mistake no to see the pros and cons of this relationship...When you see a man who loves and enjoys and embraces the idea of having you and your daughter under his roof, protection and love..then you`ll feel that is right and you did the best, but please don`t make the mistake of putting your needs before your daughter`s...
16. A lot of guys have a difficult time with a ready-made family. The only thing you can do is give him time and space and see if he warms up to it. If he had a chance to spend some close time together with the child, it might help.
17. you need a new crystal ball, cuz i don't think he's in your future. if he needs space, let him have it, and if he comes crawling back, you might not be so quick to take him back. you CAN do it on your own...i know, i did! i raised 2 kids on my own for several years and it can be done.