Teen dating questions: crushes and mental health?

Context: I'm 14 and have never had a romantic relationship, nor have most of my friends, so I don't have much perspective. Is it morally okay to have crushes on people you are not dating as long as nothing "happens"? Is it okay only if you tell your significant other that you like other people, or is it just assumed? If you have crushes on several people, and one of the lesser crushes asks you out, is it leading them on to say yes? I am guessing most teenagers have crushes on a lot of people, but I just want some input. Also, if someone has depression and anxiety, and takes mostly-successful medications to control these, is it mentally/emotionally safe to have a romantic relationship? If not, and the depression doesn't go away with age, when can you make the decision to go ahead and date? Should you tell a crush about your mental problems before a relationship starts, sort of a disclaimer? When is it insultingly late to tell? Thanks for the advice. Not really expecting to start dating in the immediate future, but I'd like to be prepared.

Public Comments

1. yes!
2. yes, that is leading them on. and i think that you should tell the person when you feel comfortable with it, but it would be nice for someone to have some sort of inclination before hand, that is a real personal thing to share, and it should be shared when you are ready. you can kind of tell them, but go into into detail later, when your ready.
3. I would say that it's absolutely fine to have crushes on other people. Some people will criticise that and tell me that it's cheating, but it's not like you make a conscious decision to have a crush on someone. If you were to act on it, then yes, there would be a problem, but in order to do that you would have to actively decide to cheat. I am a few years older than you, and have been with my boyfriend for several years. I do have crushes on other people, and he knows this. However, we are completely honest with each other, and he trusts me not to act on my feelings for anyone else. Some people fall in love and then for them that person eclipses all others. Others, like myself, will fall in love time and time again - it is my lot to learn to deal with these feelings without causing pain to myself, my significant other, or my crushes. Regarding the lesser crush situation, it is not leading them on to say yes IF you would genuinely want to be in a relationship with that person. However, if you would prefer to be in a relationship with someone else, then it really isn't fair on them. With regards to the mental health issues, I would say that it would depend entirely on the relationship - not very helpful, I know. When you do start dating, play it carefully - I would say that 14 is a little young for a serious relationship, and so you are more likely to come across boys who are just in it for sex, or who would run away at the first mention of your mental health situation. It probably wouldn't be mentally/emotionally safe for you to be in a damaging relationship, especially at such a young age. I have mental health problems myself, but I'm afraid that I can't help too much on whether or not you should tell someone before you start to date. All of my relationships have developed from friendships, where we have been friends for a few years before starting to date, and thus they've already been aware of my situation. To tell someone before a relationship starts (if you don't know each other that well beforehand) would probably scare them (a lot of people are very ignorant about mental health issues). However, as you say, you don't want them to feel that you've purposely kept it from them. I would say wait until you feel comfortable in telling them. Hope this helps. x