Any single parents out there that can help or offer advice?

I am a single father of 3 kids ages 11,6 and my boss is 4 years old. (my daughter) : ) I am trying to juggle time and make sure that I spend quality time with all of them but its been so tough to make sure that each has the same amount of time with me. I feel bad because my oldest is left out a lot because the youngest not only crave attention but they need more attention because they are not as independent as my oldest son. Their mother is not around much...she only sees theme vwery other weekend and I think she plans on moving far away soon. I am the only parent really and I have been there for about the last 17 months with no distraction. I sacraficed my social life, dating...all of this to make sure that my kdis know they are # 1 in my life. Its been very hard but rewarding. Anyway the grades at school are suffering a bit, they are not that motivated really. I know that they are having a touhg time with what is going on with their mother and the divorce...but what are things I can do to help motivate them? What kind of family thigns can we do to make them feel better about themselves and give them more confidence with school work?

Public Comments

1. One thing is are you taking time out to talk to them alone and together about their feelings? I would just keep trying to spend time with them and be there for what ever they need. I always love to see a man taking care of his children keep up the work and try not to let all of this bring you down.
2. school work will improve once they are able to cope with the divorce and separation from their mother. you can consult with the school psychologist or guidance counselor and coordinate that your kids have counseling with you. it will help a lot if you all go through counseling. maybe you'd like to consider this suggestion? i wish you well...
3. It seems minor, but make sure to eat dinner with them at the table and not in front of the TV. Ask them all how their days were. Try to say good night to each of them separately. If you want to do something special for your oldest son, leave the younger kids with a babysitter and take him out somewhere that he likes just the two of you.
4. I would suggest planning to do something like a family game night or family movie night once a week. that is something that really only takes a max of 2 1/2 hours, but the kids will really look forward to it, especially once you have done it for a few weeks and they know it is really going to happen. I would suggest doing it on a friday or saturday night, so that you could maybe stay up a little later than usual if you needed to. I would also suggest letting your oldest one stay up a little later so that after the little ones are in bed, you and he can have some one on one time to talk, or just hang out together. As far as their school work, I make it a point to check for homework every day, and they are not allowed to do anything else until their homework is done. I was a single mom once too, and I remember how hard it was. I hope I have helped, and good luck to you.
5. You sound like an angel! Try enrolling your 4 year old in a dance class or a gym class at the YMCA or community center, so you can use that hour or two to help the older guys with their homework-and have a bit of uninterrupted time from a demanding 4 year old! If you can hire a Daddy's helper for a couple of hours at a time so you and your oldest son can spend time doing what he wants to do, and you guys can get some good talks in-he needs you more than you might think! You might even be able to find a babysitting sway, where you take someone elses kids for a few hours and they take yours on a different day! Try giving the school aged kids some special motivation all passing grades for a week and we go to the movies, or to the park. You may want to go and personally talk to their teachers about the situation at home, ask what you can do at home to help them get their grades up! You are a good and caring man, your children are going to be fine once things have settled down a bit! Remember you need personal time too! Hard to get, you bet, but a happy dad means happier kids!
6. I am not a single mom, but I hope I can help. My mother was a single mom and it was hard for her. I think single moms and dads have the same problems. And I think that in a way, single or not, we all struggle with how to give our children the right attention, and juggle our busy lives. I am not saying it's not harder for you, being alone. But, know that we all go through this and blame our selves for maybe not having enough time, or making the wrong decisions. You have to work, so try not to get down on yourself about how much your out of the home. Try to spend quality time when you have it. I assume your 11 year old is a boy. Try taking him outside to play catch, or make a few minutes after dinner to help him with his home work. Maybe consider having a rest period for the younger two on weekends so you can have some time with your oldest. Just have them quietly read a book in their room for an hour or so. It will give you some time to relax and some time with your son. Sit down and talk to him. Tell him the next year or so will be hard while you get things straightened out, ask him to help. Say you need him to pick up a couple chores or just keep his grade up to take some of the pressure off of you. Him picking up a chore or two means you'll spend less time with dishes and more time with the kids. The younger two can help out too, have them clear their plates from the table. The 4 year old can wash the table, and 6 year old can help dry dishes. You'll teach great life skills and get the help you need. Have a family movie night, or play a board game. Make popcorn and put sleeping bags on the floor for the movie. Try to have dinner together and play a game, like tell me something you liked about your day. Something corny like that. Good Luck, sorry so long. =)
7. Ok, first and foremost get them all into some counseling! For the older ones see if they have it in school so you don't have to pay for it! Buy some board games to play at home that is suitable for all the kids.. uno, yatzee, kids cranium, etc, etc. Get involved with their school work. As soon as they come home sit down at the table with them and help them go over it. Then make shure that they understand it! If they don't help them to understand it.
8. First of all. I am happy to hear of a dad taking responsibility for his children, especially raising three of them on your own. That deserves a lot of praise. You are human and you can only do what you can do. Maybe sit down with your three children and tell them that you know that not having their mom around is hard, but that you love every single one of them and that you will always be there for them. It is hard to spend individual time with three children but maybe you can do family nights. Order pizza or even make pizza, have chips and popcorn for desert ( make it a fun night ), play board games, watch a movie...Or maybe you could all go for a walk to the park..Or you can do an arts and craft project with them..You can do fingerpainting and a whole bunch of stuff. What I would do with my dad when I was young, we just hard a hard tiem talking, and we went out and bought a diary and we would write to eachother. I'm not sure if you have boys or girls, if you have a boy, have him pick out a book that you can write to eachother in and encourage him to write his feelings and you can do the same. It brought my dad and I a lot closer
9. You could try to make a play date for your daughter like one night a week or get her in a jazz or tumbling class, this is great for little girls. She could benefit in many ways, she will get socialization with other children her age and other little girls, any pent up energy she may have she can let out by bouncing around, it will give her a sense of confidence b/c it will give her some thing to talk about and it is all her own. She will love telling you and her brothers about her new found ability. When she is at her class or playdate you can take that time to do something with your boys like go out to eat, play catch at the park, stop out somewhere to check out some nice cars, take them go cart riding, get lost in the woods, go to the pet store and check out the animals, shoot BB guns, go swimming at the local Y, teach them how to skateboard. Anything your boys would be interested in. As for your eleven yr old you could try finding a hobby he likes that only you two do together. That way he will make his own memories with you and it gives him a chance to relate to you and talk. You can build a strong bond that way. EVen if it is only an hour a week. Stress from the divorce and changes in their enviroment can definently affect their grades. Is there an after school program that you can enroll them in to help with homework just until you see an improvement?? Routine is best for kids going through trials of life. It gives them a sense of balance and security believe it or not. ANd once things settle down, it will get easier and better. The Man upstairs knows what you are going thru. He is just a prayer away. And daddy don't forget to make a little time for yourself. You deserve it, really. Take one night a month to do something for yourself. Don't cut yourself off..we all need Me time. Best of luck to you! I really am inspired by you. That there still are real men out there, so to speak. You taking of business and being completely unselfish. The way you are taking care of situation is reassuring to a woman who has seen way too many bad situations in my short lifetime.
10. since your older child is being left out, why not get him to help you with the other two, just give him small things so he'll feel like he's needed and wanted. as for the grades, get everybody together, sit on the floor and play a game, and talk to your children about school, ask them whats going on, get interested, ask if you can do anything to make it better, im sure they will tell you. then you can decide what to do from there. Since your 4 year old need so much attention, get your 6 year old to play with her, in other words get you kids involved with each other, you can also check to see if there are any programs like at the YMCA where you can enroll your kids, to get them out the house as a group, you might enjoy that too. By giving your kids things to do at home, it will build confidence, responsibility, and boost up their self esteem. Bed time is another quality time, put the 4 year old down first, then you'll have some extra time to talk to your 11 and 6 year old. PS J go online to find games for your family to do,or arts and craft projects to do as a family.
11. I am single father of 13 year old daughter, however my ex and I are active in our daughter life, we still make decision together when it comes to her. So it has been little easier for her to handle.However, she is still struggling with her school grades. I have gone to school several times talk with teachers to see why she was struggling, all I can say is that you just need to keep on top them make sure they complete their homework and give them encouragement, since mine is older, she understand that she is the one that needs to complete her homework in the end. Just be sure they understand you will discpline them when it comes to their grades and that you are interested in their school. Be sure to tell them everyday you love them and they are the most important thing in world. My daughter lives with me majority of time, I can understand the social life and dating part, I have put mine on hold to focus on more important things that is my kid, being responsible adult in their life. Also taking time to heal myself, I go to gym, chruch, read self improvement books, and doing things I enjoy to do. The dating part, I can wait on that part, because it is not important to me at this time, after I was married for 15 years so I deserve a break. The best thing to do, is to do social events with guys and don't worry about gals right now. Hang in there bud, you are not the only single father in this world. It just good to know their are good men like you out there, put their kids first they need it right now. In end the God will reward you.
12. My youngest son is a single father of two boys. He makes sure that he has time with each boy, separately every week. They also play hockey so he takes them to hockey practice. Your boys will need (which it sounds as if they are getting) a loving, caring father. I am very proud of my son because his boys always come first with him. His ex got married to the man she had the affair with then had two more children. That was very hard on the youngest boy. All you can do is the best that you can. Take them to movies, in the summer do "summer" things with them. Take them to sports games - hockey or football, basketball, if they are interested. If not, what is there that they really like. Do you have a Wii - this really helps keep them occupied and if you buy the right one it will also give them exercises. Look on Craigslist for a cheap one. Love them , give them lots of hugs. Always keep telling them how much you love them. Take an interest in what they are doing in school,. Attend school meetings, see the work they are doing. Everything that you can possibly do, DO. My grandchildren adore their Dad, but that doesn't mean he is going to go through teenage "syndrome" without problems either. If you love them unconditionally, the mistakes they make will be lessons for them, as long as YOU are there for them, always.