I need some christian advice....?

Hi! I am dating a wonderful man who is a christian. He does have quite the past, which scares me. He has a daughter who is nine..and until recently, he wasn't involved in her life. He is 28 and has been married twice, at the age of 18 and later at the age of 23. He was not really following Christ at that time though. Sometimes, I honestly believe he is the one for me. We attend church together, talk about religious issues...and I love that I can do so openly without judgment. He treats me like a princess and tries to respect all my wishes/beliefs...even the ones he doesn't agree on. However, I still have doubts. His past and our age difference are BIG deals...but I feel so safe and secure and right when I'm with him. We really seem to grow in Christ together...especially when we're attending church, etc. He has changed his life...started school, tried to establish a relationship with his daughter, is clearing up past financial debts, etc. My real question here is...is it okay to have doubts? So many people say if he's the ONE, I wouldn't question it or wonder what else is out there, but I do. I worry that maybe God has something totally different planned for me. Is this normal with any relationship, or do you think it's God telling me to back off? Also, is it a sin to marry someone who has been married? Thanks! I know this is a lot...and any help is appreciated!

Public Comments

1. I am an older woman who has been through a lot of relationships that blew up in her face. And you know why they did? Because I didn't pay any attention to the warning signs. You have listed alot of things that need consideration. The fact that you're sort of worried about them, well...that says something right there. I would say, keep looking this situation over. Pray to God for guidance. And don't DON'T get physically involved with this man. The bible says if you marry another person who has been divorced for any reason other than adultery, you are commiting adultery by marrying them. I know that's pretty harsh....but that is what the bible says. My best advice to any young lady is this: God gave us "women's intuition" for a purpose. Don't ignore it.
2. "So many people say if he's the ONE, I wouldn't question it or wonder what else is out there" --- which is why 55% of marriages end in divorce. Take it slow. Don't feel pressured to marry someone just because you have a "history" together. If he ever gives you reason to run, run fast and don't look back.
3. yes i have my doubts about why people think that religon dosen't=cult. there is a god but the bible isn't true its a fairytale about the first people who discovered weed
4. I'm not Christian, but I'll tell you this. Everyone has a past. We all make mistakes, and we all will hopefully learn from them. Don't judge him for his past, just as you would not want him to judge you for yours. Nobody is perfect. What really matters is how he is doing today, and what he learned from his past mistakes. People don't change, but they do mature. Follow your heart.
5. " I think " Christ would not want anyone to live life alone when they have that special someone to share everything with and the past is just that - THE PAST - if you feel comfortable with this man then go forward in love and faith>>>> May our Lord Jesus Christ watch over you! Pray for guidance it helps.
6. I am Muslim, so i cant answer this question...
7. it is normal to have doubts esspecial if you are thinking of marraige as that is a final comitment. you do not give your age if you are under 20 I think you should wait untill you are at least 21. and see what your family think of him, the just pray on it and wait God'sanswer. do not be rushed into marraige if you are not ready.
8. i think you should keep at it. theres no reason to stop dating him, he hasn't done anything. i would be cautious because of his past and his age. its perfectly natural to have cold feet during a relationship, but if he is the one for you, would you really want to stop dating him just because you had second thoughts? give it time and don't rush anything.
9. well if he did all that before he knew the Lord, I think I'd give him a shot. It seems he is really trying and has repented of the past. as to marrying someone divorced, first I'd ask my pastor, but here's what I believe. If his 1st & 2nd are remarried that frees him, and if this all happened before he became a Christan that's in the past, now if he get married and divorced now he knows better and that's a sin. I believe the bible says forgetting those thing which are behind us looking ahead to jesus the author and finisher of our faith....God bless
10. First of all, the past is the past, and you cannot control that. Many of us have made mistakes we wish we could undo, but that is not possible. My best advice is to follow your heart. Your soul mate will be "the one" and you usually know right away, but sometimes it takes time to realize. He should be your best friend, first and foremost. Don't worry so much, and just let your heart tell you. And no, I do not think it is a sin to marry someone who has been married before. I wish you the best!!!!
11. You are wise to have doubts and I hope you take your time getting to know this young man. He has a lot of baggage to carry around and along with child support there may not be room in his life for more responsibility than he currently has. If he really is the right one for you he'll be there 2-3 years from now so be very cautious about marriage (no, it's not a sin to marry a person who's been married before! although remarriage is not permitted in the catholic church). You mention age difference but don't say how old you are - if he's more than 5 years older than you are then be doubly cautious. Maybe see a couple's counselor or have couple's sessions with your pastor? Good luck.
12. At this stage in your relationship it's GOOD to have doubts. It sounds like you spend a lot of your time involved spiritually, which is great, but there are other things to consider. Other dimensions to your character, like the mental, physical, psychological sides of you, plus the issues of age and family...like do you want more kids, and how would you feel...REALLY...about being a stepmom to the daughter...'cause you know that might not be easy. Also, what are YOUR plans for the future? Work, school, etc., where do you want to live, would you consider moving if he got a job somewhere else, etc., and how does all that jive with his plans? (Edit - I agree with the writer who says not to get physically involved. If I had to do it over again, I would be a virgin on my wedding day.) If he's "the one" you still have these issues to deal with. That's why my advice is to take it slow, and keep all these matters in prayer and discussion with your bf. Good luck to you!
13. Hi Susie Q. First of all, God only allows divorce in very limited cases. If we do become divorced we are not to remarry. And we are not to marry someone who has been divorced. Second, if this guy has been divorced twice before, it should be a warning to you that he has no problem leaving a woman if he changes his mind about her. My advice to you is move on. Find someone who hasn't been married before. Marriage is Holy before God and we must be very sure about the person we marry. If it takes a while to find someone who is compatible with you, just wait. You won't regret it.
14. God's Law on Custody of Children and the Marriage Relationship The Bible:- Genesis - women's liberation PROHIBITED by God 3:16 Unto the woman He (God) said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be subject] to thy husband, and HE (thy husband) SHALL RULE OVER THEE. 3:17 And unto Adam He said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife (and obeyed her instead of Me), and hast eaten of the tree, of which I COMMANDED thee, saying, Thou shalt NOT eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat [of] it all the days of thy life; Numbers - God says the father has authority over HIS children:- 30:2 If a man vow a vow unto the "I AM", or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth. 30:3 If a woman also vow a vow unto the "I AM", and bind herself by a bond, [being] in her father's house in her youth; 30:4 And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand. 30:5 But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the "I AM" shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her. In order to exercise his authority over his children as God commanded the father has to have custody and have them living in his house (Numbers 30:3); which is later confirmed by God in His Holy Koran; otherwise it makes a nonsense of God's Command and makes the fulfillment of His Command impossible. 1 Corinthians - CONFIRMATION that WOMEN's LIBERATION is PROHIBITED 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God. 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover [his] head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. 11:8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the communities: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but [they are commanded] to be under obedience, as also saith The Law (of God - Gen. 3:16). (Be seen and not heard and children also). 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a disgrace for women to speak in the community. Ephesians - confirmation that EQUALITY of sexes is PROHIBITED 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the community: and he is the saviour of the body. 5:24 Therefore as the community is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in EVERY thing. 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the community, and gave himself for it; 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of [Living] water by the Word, 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious community, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the community: Colossians - EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED 3:17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, [do] all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father by him. 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 3:19 Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them. 3:20 Children, obey [your] parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children [to anger], lest they be discouraged. Titus - EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED 1:15 Unto the pure all things [are] pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving [is] nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled. 1:16 They claim that they know God; but in [their] works they deny [Him], being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate. 2:1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: 2:2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. 2:3 The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holy women, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their [husband's] children, 2:5 [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 2:6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. 2:7 In all things showing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine [showing] uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, 2:8 Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you. 1 Peter - EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives; 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear. 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward [adorning] of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 3:4 But [let it be] the hidden Man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, [even the ornament] of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 1 Timothy - EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED 2:11 Let the woman learn in SILENCE with all subjection. 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to USURP authority over the man, but TO BE IN SILENCE. 2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. 3:1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 3:2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; 3:3 Forbidding to marry, [and commanding] to abstain from meats (become vegetarian), which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the Truth. Leviticus - busybodies condemned 19:16 Thou shalt not go up and down [as] a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I [am] the "I AM". 1 Timothy - busybodies condemned 5:11 But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; 5:12 Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. 5:13 And withal they learn [to be] idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. 1 Peter - busybodies condemned - and also explaining that evil will be spoken (by those in authority) about those who support God's Law and not men's laws. 4:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are sharers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 4:14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy [are ye]; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified. 4:15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or [as] a thief, or [as] an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters. 4:16 Yet if [any man suffer] as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. 4:17 For the time [is come] that Judgment must begin at the House of God: and if [it] first [begin] at us, what shall the end [be] of them that obey not the gospel of God? 4:18 And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the unGodly and the sinner appear? 4:19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the Will of God commit the keeping of their souls [to him] in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator. Deuteronomy - Man-made laws are PROHIBITED by God. Therefore man-made laws giving custody of a man's children to his wife are ILLEGAL. As also are laws giving women equality with men, or a say in their, or public, affairs. Blackstone; the authority on English law, whose teaching is still studied today; says that any legislation that contravenes the Law of God is not an enactment and cannot be enforced. Deuteronomy 4:1 Now therefore hearken, O Israel, unto the Statutes and unto the Judgments, which I teach you, for to DO [them], that ye may LIVE, and go in and possess the land which the "I AM" God of your fathers giveth you. 4:2 Ye shall not ADD unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish [ought] from it, that ye may keep the Commandments of the "I AM" your God which I COMMAND you. 12:32 What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it. Matthew - Christ confirms that God's Law is Eternal 5:16 Let your Light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. 5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy The Law, or the Prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. 5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no way pass from The Law, till all (the prophecies) be fulfilled. 5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least COMMANDments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the Kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach [them], the same shall be called great in the Kingdom of heaven. 5:20 For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall EXCEED [the righteousness] of the lawyers and politicians (who were also priests), ye shall in no case enter into the Kingdom of heaven. Deuteronomy - Keeping God's Law gives Life Eternal; any other (man-made) law gives death eternal 30:8 And thou shalt return and obey the voice of the "I AM", and do all His Commandments which I command thee this day. 30:9 And the "I AM" thy God will make thee plenteous in every work of thine hand, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy land, for good: for the "I AM" will again rejoice over thee for good, as He rejoiced over thy fathers: 30:10 If thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the "I AM" thy God, to keep His Commandments and His Statutes which are written in this Book of The Law, [and] if thou turn unto the "I AM" thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul. 30:11 For this Commandment which I command thee this day, it [is] not hidden from thee, neither [is] it far off. 30:12 It [is] not in heaven, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it? 30:13 Neither [is] it beyond the sea, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it? 30:14 But the Word [is] very near unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest do it. 30:15 See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil; 30:16 In that I command thee this day to love the "I AM" thy God, to walk in His Ways, and to keep His Commandments and His Statutes and His Judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the "I AM" thy God shall bless thee in the land where thou goest to possess it. 30:17 But if thine heart turn away, so that thou wilt not hear, but shalt be drawn away, and worship other gods, and serve them; 30:18 I denounce unto you this day, that ye shall surely perish, [and that] ye shall not prolong [your] days upon the land, where thou passest over Jordan to go to possess it. 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, [that] I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: 30:20 That thou mayest love the "I AM" thy God, [and] that thou mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him: for He [is] thy Life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the "I AM" sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them. 31:1 And Moses went and spoke these words unto all Israel (the Brit-ish). Matthew - Christ confirms that God's Law is Eternal 5:16 Let your Light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. 5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy The Law, or the Prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. 5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no way pass from The Law, till all (the prophecies) be fulfilled. 5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least COMMANDments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the Kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach [them], the same shall be called great in the Kingdom of heaven. 5:20 For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall EXCEED [the righteousness] of the lawyers and politicians (who were also priests), ye shall in no case enter into the Kingdom of heaven. The Koran:- GOD'S COMMAND ABOUT THE MAN'S AUTOMATIC CUSTODY OF HIS CHILDREN and their weaning. Women do NOT have rights over children; they only bear children FOR THEIR HUSBAND. Sura 2:231. When ye divorce women, and they fulfill the term of their abstinance from sexual relations ('Iddat), either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms but do not take them back to injure them, (or) to take undue advantage if any one does that he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat God's Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse God's favours on you, and the fact that He sent down to you the Book (Bible) and Wisdom, for your instruction. And fear God, and know that God is well acquainted with all things. 2:232. When ye divorce women, and they fulfill the term of their abstinence from sexual relations ('Iddat), do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe God and in the Last Day. That is (the course making for) most virtue and purity amongst you and God knows, and ye know not. 2:233. The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms. No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child. Nor father on account of his child, an heir shall be chargeable in the same way. If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye (men) decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (the mother) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear God and know that God sees well what ye do. A Message for YOU from God in The Koran And why should YOU not fight in the Cause of God and of those who, being weak, are ill-treated (and oppressed)?- men, women, and children, whose cry is: "Our Lord! Rescue us from this town, whose people are oppressors; and raise for us from Thee One who will protect; and raise for us from Thee One who will help!" Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing (alcohol; tobacco; etc.) which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not." We know best what they say; and thou art not one to overawe them by force. So admonish (fight and correct) with the Qur'an (Koran) and Bible such as fear My Warning! O ye who believe (God)! If ye obey the Unbelievers, they will drive you back on your heels, and ye will turn back (from Faith) to your own loss. Amen - JAH
15. I know of a preacher who once asked a young lady. "If this man were not a Christian would his lifestyle and values be good enough that you would marry him anyway"? If her answer was no then she should not marry him. This man's character before he claims conversion does not seem that great to me. If he backslides then what kind of man do you have? I think you have a feeling about this that you should listen to (that still small voice that is asking questions). I have often heard it said that Satan will send a counterfeit before the real thing shows up just to distract you from seeing the real thing. I cannot say one way or the other but if you are a spirit filled child of God and you are not fully ok then most likely the Holy Spirit is trying to tell you something. IT is possible that God has someone better for you. Just pray and make sure you listen for the answer and ignore your flesh. Either way there is no reason to rush into anything, reserve your heart as much as you can and take a wait and see attitude. As far as whether it is a sin to marry someone who has been married before. I think it is always best if you have not been married to seek out someone who himself has never been married, and who is a similar age group. You have many years ahead of you don't rush, waiting for the man God has planned for you will be worth the wait. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Garden_of_God_Prayer_Group/
16. For thousands of years younger woman have been marrying older men. That is the way of life. I am concerned there that you say you are a christian and yeat you are not seeking God and waiting for God to answer your on this issue. You boyfriend may have a bad past but if i recall right so did mosus in the bible. God always uses the foolish things to confound the wise. But we can't be honest and tell you which is the correct path. But God can. As a christian the most important thing we can do is lisen to the voice of God. That voice comes in many forms. But he know how to speak so you can hear him. It is time to be still and speak to God and lisen to him.
17. 1) “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve." - Jeremiah 17:9-10 Ahh,, the heart. People always say follow your heart but sometimes that is not what should be leading. Our heart wants things we don't need in our lives. Is he wonderful because you love him or do you love him because he's wonderful? Given this man's past who could fault you for having reservations? God expects you to use your power of reason. 2) "Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let YOUR petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus." - Phillipian 4:6-7 This is definitely a matter for prayer, which I'm sure you've been doing a lot of. Be specific to God about your needs, request that he lead you to wisdom, pour out your feelings to Him and you will find peace in your decsion. Ask him to reveal not only this man's heart (motivations) to you but your own. 3) "Sensible people keep their eyes glued on wisdom,but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth." - Proverbs 17:24 Where do we find wisdom? In God's Word and thru prayer. In a nut shell I may have an opinion but God will have the answer. Now, Once you receive your answer, keep your eyes "glued on wisdom". Don't go searching to the ends of the earth to find an answer to fit what you want when you have been shown what you need. On the matter of divorce Jesus simply stated that: "However, I say to YOU that everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of fornication, makes her a subject for adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Matthew 5:32 So if the one or both marriage partners have had a sexual relationship(s) with someone else, the marriage bond could be scriptually broken. I you find this info helpful.
18. Doubt is healthy so that you can judge better. If you think he is good then marry him. Forget about his past. The Prophet pbuh said " If a man propose your daughter and you know his behaviour is good do not turn him away ....
19. I' m more concerned with 'why' you have doubts, scriptures say that we shouldn't do anything if we have doubt in our heart, and to wait on the Lord. If you do something when you have doubts whether or not it is right or don't know if it's what God wants, He has ways of letting you know. you just know it in your heart, that "this is the way, walk in it", or you feel it in your spirit that He is not pleased,especially joining yourself to someone, and becoming one flesh, that's pretty BIG, because it' not just you, that you are joining, it's Christ in you. If you are both saved, then you are both under the blood of Christ. I would really seek the Lord on this, what is He telling you? Get some where by yourself and just spend some time with the Lord, wait on Him for the answer before you move any further in this relationship. Take however much time it takes to find out, so you know for sure. Wait on the Lord, You should know already in your spirit whether God has brought this man into your life. Consider how you met? What was going on in your own life at that time? Where were you both at in your relationship with the Lord when you first met? In his relationships, who divorced who? And why?? As you know, the man is the head, and as his wife, you are to submit yourself to his authority, and unless you know, that you know, that you KNOW, who he truly is, that he is following Christ himself, you cannot submit yourself to him. Neither can you join yourself with him, without knowing for certain what lives inside his heart, that there is nothing hidden, as you are in Christ. Jesus said that a man is known by his fruit, by what he does, Two people can do the same things, but for a different reason, Anyone, even the wicked can be nice to people and be full of deceit. But only God knows what's in their heart. Is he changing because he is he truly following Christ, and has Christ in his heart, or is he changing to win you? How long ago was it between the time he got a divorce and met you? Can you say he would be doing the same things he is now, going to church, clearing up past debts and going to school, etc if you weren't in his life?? Because you should be able to say for sure if you're gonna marry him. Another good question to know, is what is his relationship with his mother like or what kind of relationship did he have with his mother, in the past. You can tell ALOT about a man, and how he'll be as a husband, by how he thinks of his mother, how he treats her, what he expects of her, is what he'll expect of you. Another question to consider, is how does he respond to crisis, when things go wrong, does he take care of it right away, protect you, put you first, pray, does he just let you handle it,what does he do? Knowing this, says alot about a man's character, because by nature God created a man to uphold, to give strength, to rise up, and not lay down, panic & run, or lay it on the the woman. He was created to be the strong one, that's why he has broader shoulders. The thing that would make me doubt, is the short time in between, two marriages. Got married once, divorced 5 yrs later, got married again, and met you, and here it is 5 yrs later. He's already shown he doesn't keep his word, and that he gets a divorce when something happens. If he wasn't the one who filed the divorce, why did she or "they" divorce him? You know? I would really seek the Lord on this, so that I would know for myself. The fact that you have doubts is warning that something not quite right.. You shouldn't have ANY doubt whatsoever!! NONE!! Sometimes people cross our path to help us some way, or give us strength, or teach us something, or maybe it's to help "them", but it doesn't always mean "he's the one". My husband is almost 11 years older than me, and believe me, I KNEW the Lord brought him into my life, and I know why He led him into my life, at the particular time that He did, and I can honestly say without any doubt whatsoever, that I know, that I know, that I know; it is God's will for us to be together. If you're not sure, ask God to close all the doors if it is not His will, and do everything you can to keep the Lord first, so you can do His will, because it is Christ you follow, He is your Lord, just lay it all down at His feet, and go to Him, "cast all your cares on Him, and He will give you rest", tell Him you will do whatever He wants. The Lord honors that. He'll help you, He'll lead you in the way you should go. His concern isn't so much about "do' & 'don'ts" His concern is your happiness. His love isn't about what you do, His love for you is about who you are. His concern is you. If you're happy, He's not going to persuade you either way, as He is very much a Gentleman at heart. I was in this situation years ago, and what it came down to for me was this: "who did I love more? Who was my lord & savior, He laid down His life for me, what was I willing to do for Him?" Oh, and by the way, my husband now, was married & divorced 25 yrs ago, and I was married and divorced 16 yrs ago myself. and God has blessed us immensely! We just laid it all at the Lord's feet, we were both young and stupid, both unsaved at the time, and made big mistakes, but we confessed that, gave it to the Lord. He is very forgiving, very merciful and kind. Being divorced, along with all of our sins, is all under the blood. Do you really think, that if you sin & confess it, and surrender yourself to God, He'll hold it against you? My Bible says there is only one sin that is not covered, and that's blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. We are all sinners, and make mistakes, the Lord knows that, it's when we continue in sin, when we know it's wrong, and yet refuse to repent that is not covered. I'll be praying for you, that the Lord will place His will in your heart that you may know for yourself, and have perfect peace. God bless