Unique Marriage Twist, Can It Work?

Well after separating for awhile, my husband and I talked long and hard about what we want in life. I want to experience more people, including men but non sexually and I want my husband to remain faithful to me so I basically offerred this. If he would let me date other men then I would keep him (my husband) completely satisfied sexually. I would literally be at his beck and call and I would not have sex with the men I date. I know it is strange and unique but if we are willing to pioneer this and work out the bugs ourselves, is it worth a shot? The alternative is us losing the amazing connection we currently have forever. He came to this marriage having slept with or dated over 50 women and I had been with 3. There is just something missing that I seek yet he is happy as long as he has his "needs" met. We are free and open people so for us this seems like it could work but opinions and advice help so fire away. Perhaps others have been faced with similar situations. I appreciate all the answer, good and bad :) Well my husband will allow me to have sex with men as long as he can be involved so that isn't an issue. Yes this is a crazy proposal, that is why I am asking for input. Pont is, my husband loves me so much he would rather have me like this, than not at all. He has for 9 years not fulfilled any of his promises to change and so if he won't, then I need connection with others and he knows this. We have had a rocly relationship the whole time but the passion is intense. We both are open about how we feel so nobody is in the dark. rocky, not rocly

Public Comments

1. God I hope you two do not have kids.
2. hey if you think you can do it go ahead. But what will happen if one of the men falls in love with you only to find out that you are using him to "feel complete" and not really interested in anything else with him. Dont you think that would be unfair to a total stranger?
3. People like you are funny... Seriously.. hilarious!
4. You are very strange, indeed.
5. well he should also be allowed to date other women you sound selfish it works both ways.
6. Marriage is finished in this country. The cracks are everywhere.
7. It will NEVER work! I can't believe you would ask such a thing!
8. If you had this amazing connection with your husband you would not have this need to date others and would feel fulfilled with your marriage and with him alone. When you married him it was giving up dating. This would be having an emotional affair and will be very damaging to your relationship. I would not agree or recommend trying this.... it is just asking for trouble!!
9. I don't know of any marriages that this would actually work in...I no someone who had an open marriage and they divorced within one year...you need to either stay with him and only him, or let him go completely...
10. I don't think it will work. You in time will become sexually attracted to another guy, and I don't think one will come along and want to keep it platonic.. Sounds messy to me. =)
11. It's what ever works for the two of you. Personally I wouldn't do it. All it takes is a few drinks before you forget your promise and end up having sex with some one. Plus you are putting yourself in a position to become emotional detached from your husband, You are risking a lot . Think longer and harder before you do this
12. Well, first off, you should already be completely pleasing your husband sexually, without any strings attached. And second, don't even think you can start dating other people (men or women) without developing feelings for them. If both of you are polyamorous, that's great. If not, you're bound to sink your marriage.
13. This is going to be a spiritual answer so forgive me... This 'arrangement' is a set up. It is impossible to let "just a little sin" into your marriage. God says that you are your husbands and he is yours..that means your heart and mind and spirit...not just your body. It may seem like a good deal but there will be problems around the corner that you are not seeing. You can experience more people without experiencing more 'men'. THe thing that you are 'missing' is a shared love of the Lord. When you bring HIM into it, all the empty places will be filled and you wont feel the need to be seeking something or someone else. I encourage you two to seek God for direction. God bless~`
14. First of all, if you had "the amazing connection" you would not want to date other men. You are not mature enough to be married. Did you not listen to the vows? "forsake all others" That means no more men!
15. I FEEL THAT IT COULD WORK UNDER THESE TWO STIPULATIONS, 1st... THAT YOU ARE BOTH IN FULL AGREEMENT AND 2nd.. THAT YOU REMAIN HONEST AND DO NOT GO OUTSIDE THE PARAMETERS. MY QUESTION IS BACK TO YOU , IF YOUR TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK , WHY WOULD YOU RISK THE TEMPTATION OF LUST?
16. If you are really considering this then go ahead just make sure you and your husband understand the rules you are putting foward. But I think you are looking for an adventure that doesn't include him, maybe you should take a vacation visit someplace you never been before and experience everything over there(meet new people, try new food) maybe that's what you need. If you don't want to cheat but want and adventure I think you should try it. Good luck
17. OK - first you need to understand that so long as both persons in a marriage have trust, honest & repsect - then the marriage works. Problem is that you are trying to find out if you "settled" because you were not a socialite. Look deep to find what it is you think you may be missing out on before you make a decision to date - when you speak of dating without sex - is that not still a connection beyond friendship & ultimatley a betrayal of respect towards the vows you swore to uphold towards your husband? Again - what works for some does not always work for others & many relationships (swingers) thrive on having consensual sex with other people without thought to the morality of it. Just do yourself a favor and explore the good and bad consquences of any action and then decide together with your husband if the good outweigh the bad.
18. This is crazy. He's crazy if agrees. You're crazy for even suggesting such a thing......Crazy.
19. Emotional betrayal is worse than sexual betrayal of your spouse. You should stop wasting your husbands time and let him find someone who will really care about him and less about themselves. You should fulfil all his needs sexually anyway just because you love him and not use it as a "tool" to get what you want. The whole point of dating is to FIND someone to spend your life with. ..haven't you already done that.? I feel sorry for your huband that he married such a self-centered "girl".
20. Could it work? Yes it could. But I don't think anyone would be fooled to think that you wouldn't sooner or later end up having sex with the men you are dating. Not many men out there would be willing to engage in such a relationship with you to begin with, and take away sex and there is no reason at all. But I think what you feel is "missing" you are trying to find in your husband and/or other men, when only you can fulfill that deep need. You're trying to find yourself in other people. You're looking for others to "complete" you when only you can do that. I'd say before you did such a thing as you propose that you identify what is "missing" and fix that directly. And, I'd bet you'll find it within. The type of relationship you propose requires that you have a very clear understanding of yourself and that nothing is "missing" in your relationship, or the results will be not what you are thinking they will be. You may also learn more about polyamory, or "many loves". This is the "desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they respect a partner's wish to have second or further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships." It works for many, many people and may be more along the lines of what you are looking for.
21. Thought you said it wasn't about sex? You're stating his 50 and your 3. You think you're just going to go on dates, with no strings attached. Beware, jealosy will rear its ugly head.