whats a MOM to do?????

I am a 43 yr old woman and I have 4 grown children and I am now raising my daughters children... I have had one since she was 4 days old and now she is in jail my daughter and I have the 51/2 mo old daughter too... I feel overwhelmed and jes, when do I get a life??? I don't want the babies to go into the system and the one I have had since she was 4 days old she is like my own but now with the 5 1/2 mo old it's so hard and I have no clue what to do?? Any words of advice?? Feel free to contact me at DnanaMama@aol.com i would love to hear from others... I was planning to get back into dating and searching for my own happiness and now I fear I will never have a life....

Public Comments

1. That is sad but what can you do? unless there is another family member willing to take the child in you have to be there. That is so sad because you should not be forced to raise your daughter's children even if they are your grandchildren. Hope something works out for you!
2. There are so many people out there who want children. You could do a legal and open adoption through the courts so you'd still be able to see the kids but not be responsible for them. You have already done your job...you should be allowed to live your life now. My husband and I have been trying to adopt a baby for 3 years now but are unable to due to the outrageous fees that adoption agencies charge.
3. Why dont you put these children up for adoption. This isnt anything like putting them into the system. There are plenty of loving, financially secure ppl that would love to have children. Besides, what chance do these kids really have being brought up this way. Look at what you are subjecting them to. Their mom cant raise them and you dont want to. They are going to pick up on that. Maybe let them be adopted by a couple that will let you have contact with them, that will send you pictures at xmas. Ppl do that. It doesnt have to be an all or nothing situation.
4. this happened in my family with two of my cousins leaving four children abandoned.. my own mother ended up adopting one, i myself have adopted one, as well my brother has one and another cousin has another.. its sad, but as a family if we wanted to keep them out of the system there was no other way, not one of us could take on all four, my mom feels the same way, she's 46 and all her children are finally grown, now she's had her adopted child for three years, she had to give up her own much looked forward to freedom to raise that child properly.. she gets alot of respect for that choice but it was still a hard one..
5. My friends grandma went through the same thing, she is the strongest lady I know. She also lost one of her granddaughters while taking care of 4 of her other grandchildren. I think you should still try dating, but I wouldn't throw them into the system. Try to get out more, join a YMCA, or take art classes... something you have always wanted to do. Try to get a family member to babysit, after all you do deserve it. Stay strong =)
6. You can have a life. It's just going to be the life of a mother, not of a grandmother. To go dating, you'll need to get a babysitter, just as you would have when your kids were small. These days there are plenty of guys your age who haven't even had kids yet. They wouldn't avoid you because you have kids. I'd recommend taking the kids to playgroup. In our Steiner group we have one mum who's still breastfeeding her 2 year old, while her oldest daughter has just had a baby! Big family that one. We also have a couple of grandmothers who bring their grandkids along. That might help you find a little more joy in the task. I also think you need to pass some of the burden off to your other children. Surely the kids can go and "sleep over" at their auntie and uncle's houses.
7. I know you feel overwhelmed taking on your grandchildren, but how would you feel if they were with someone else? What you did you did out of love and in the long run you will not regret it. There are support groups out there for grandparents raising their grandchildren. Maybe you can check on line or in your area. I would also try to get some support from anyone in your family who isn't troubled. Maybe getting them to take the kids once in a while or in the evenings so you can still have some time to yourself.
8. try play groups and day care to help with stress
9. Find a man who loves children. When you go dating, get your grown children to babysit. You need a life too. Be happy. Nothing is impossible... seek and you will find. God bless...
10. I commend you for taking your grandchildren in to keep them out of this cruel and corrupt system. You are doing a good deed for your daughter and you will be blessed for what you are doing. As far as having a life, you can still have a life can't you? Hire a babysitter of ask other relatives to babysit every now and then.
11. What is the parental status of your other two children? Could they take the kids, maybe with some financial help? My kids would take each other's child if anything happened to them and their spouses. You need to hold a family meeting with the remaining children to get everyone involved in the lives of these kids. I had my third child at the age of 39, so I can identify with how old you feel trying to keep up with small children.
12. you can still go dating and find your happiness, i commend you for raising these little children again. You obviously have a strong spirit to go through raising these children since you raised your own. you will be a mum dating again, thats all! Well Done.