Okay I NEED HELP some serious mental help and ADVICE PLEASE?

Well I have a very messed up life so please help me and try to understand this I really appreciate the good people who would just like to give me good advice by the way I am 20 years old this is long sooo please. Okay my dad has always been somewhat abusive especially mentally. Like anyway this is embarrassing for me so please nobody say anything mean. Anyway I went to college (grant and paid for FREE FOR ME) for a while for free but for some reason becasue of my treatment at home I feel and stuff I decided it wasn't worth it and quit (flunked out) I just didn't do any work there anymore. I don't know if that was the right thing too do or not. So then I decided to start doing my own thing instead of working for someone else like I had in the past well I started to buy things at a discount and like sell them for more like on EBAY. IT WORKED OK!!! Now this year I think becsaue of the economy I can't do this so well it isn't working. My dad has ALWAYS had a crazy way or making money with like publications and stuff that half work and then when they don't he PUTS THE BLAME ON ME. He always has done that since I was young he puts blames on me. Yesterday he got so mad at me he said clean your car or I will bash your windshield on your car in. I told him that's illegal and then he said he would bash my face in then instead. After a minute after that he said fine I won't do that I'll just throw you out of the house. Anyway right now I am in no position to be on the street becasue I have no money. I did however register for and pass the test and so on for a surety license becsaue I want to become a bail bondsman. I think there is good money in that but I am not due to get my license for 2 months and it will take time to build money with that. I also was thinking of creating a web site and getting google adsense. Anyway I don't know what to do becsaue getting a job will be hard and trying to sell bail bonds at the same time. Am I normal to think that my dad is mean? Do you think what he said was right? HE has said and done many other things to me that I think are mean, but I have been around it so long I can't tell if it's normal to talk to your family like that or not. Sometimes when I was a kid he would insult me and tell me what a loser I am and how I don't know how to do anything. My mom doesn't like him either she says he is abusive. He has said many VIOLENT THINGS during my life. Some of the stuff I would rather not say on here but yeah it hurts me when I think about it. Also I am gay and people don't know I am gay and that hurts me a lot because my parents would hate me. I feel screwed, I can't seem to get a BF I have tried many times to ask guys on myspace and DATING web sites I feel like that's maybe I way I can leave my abusive dad and stuff but so far I guess people think I am ugly. I don't know what to do should I leave should I go back to school except now I will have to pay for it. Should I just like what should I do? My dad used to talk about shooing people he's so unpleasant to live with....

Public Comments

1. If I were you,I would go and see a counselor.Also if you feel the need,go to the police and report the abuse,if it is still continuing.I would not put up with that and I am sorry you have ahd to live like that.I know people who come from homes like that and they are scarred for life.Please do yourself a favor,for me?Get help.Not because you are sick but because a man like your father should be in jail for harming a sweet man like you.
2. Clearly, and quite simply, you need to a) find a job, and b) move out. Get any job you can, for whatever you can, and think of it as a temporary thing that you are doing to establish your independence. Even if you have to deliver pizza, or wait tables, you need some financial independence. Nothing is more important. When you have a job, look to rent a room in someone's house. You can rent a room for a few hundred dollars a month, and though I don't know where you live, if you live near a city, you could probably find a gay couple or group of roommates who are looking for someone who is gay. You can find these ads online or in whatever newspaper is local. That would give you some guidance, though you have to be careful when picking a place to live that your potential roommates are nice people. You must get away from your parents, especially your abusive dad, and you need some space to explore who you are and what you want. You can do it! :)
3. I would say that you need a little more happiness in your life. It doesn't sound like living with your dad is in your best interest. You are old enough to leave. I don't know if you are from a big city or a small town, but if I were you I would find a job save as much money as I could and lock it up tight and then see if you couldn't find a place with a roommate so that rent would be cheaper. At least then you would be away from your fathers negative attitude. Then after you get out of there, then think about what you want to do with your life career wise. You are very young and there is a lot of time for you to make these decisions. Another thing, it is not a bad thing for you to be gay. Some people don't understand, they never will. Find friends through the Internet maybe that you can just talk to about it, and once you get back into coping with your life better, it will be much easier to find love in your life. Keep your head up. Take things one day at a time and never give up. It is your life, you can do anything with it you want to. It may take work but it is possible. If you just want someone positive to talk to that won't judge you can email me if you like, amanda_2000_50801@yahoo.com I really hope I helped you. Good Luck and take care.
4. Wow. I don't want to sound like I'm putting you down...but....why are you still living at home? You aren't in school, you have an abusive father...and yet you stick around. Sorry, bud, it sounds like you are bringing this drama on yourself. I know it's scary to move out...but you HAVE to cut at least SOME of the ties if you ever want to be happy. A closeted gay man who lives with his abusive father...come on now...what would YOU tell someone who asked you about a similar situation? GET OUT!
5. Oh shit..deep stuff man..I am no psychiatrist and won't pretend to be but I know how horribly real and downright scary emotional problems can be (3 intense panic attacks in a month followed by 3 months of derealization, diarrhea and heart palpitations..caused by worries that I'd never get find a woman i love, moving to a place and having no car so having to rely on my dad to take me everywhere, fear of not being able to pay for college, and a general sense of being a complete hopeless loser..this was compounded by the fact that my thyroid was messing with me as well at the time..i thought i was going to die) The only cure is sitting down with yourself and finding out what truly bothers you and how to change it. The next step is making good friends. The key to this is simply being around people and talking to them. Make the first move, don't wait, don't think..talk about the weather, politics, the Eurythmics, Jimmi Hendrix..whatever...no man is an island...reach out and touch faith...the world is your oyster, etc, etc...You say your worried about being ugly..who cares? No one is uglier than a unibrowed lesbian cowgirl riding a motorcyle wearing worn camel toe jeans...and you are a guy..so that can't describe you..
6. Gay people are so awsome. You'll get a guy plenty out there for someone like you:) Your dad seems pretty awful, im really sorry about that. Stay away from him and go see a counselor. You're gonna be alrite kiddo. :)
7. Dude, I know part of what you're going through, I would like to talk, but I can't. not about this, not where 3,000,000 people can see what I'm writing about. I'll put it this way, leave home and don't ever look back. he will pay in his own grief, the same way both of my parents did me. don't feel regret for leaving, don't feel sory for him. the money is in Ca, or Fla,