Best Friend dating / relationship advice.?
Little run down first off. AND I know this sounds exactly like that movie 500 days of summer.... I met this girl and became great friends with her a little over a year ago. In this year we have both grown very fond of each other and consider ourselves best friends. It was one of those situations where we met each other and just hit it off and started hanging out alot. We hooked up with each other for a few weeks early on, like in the first few weeks I knew her, took her out to dinner a few times and ended up having sex with her. Mutually without saying anything we kind of just stopped for a bit of time, but after a few more weeks we would eventually get drunk and make out, end up starting up sex again. Sex isnt like a frequent daily / weekly thing between the two of us, but sleeping together is. . . This process has continued on back and forth for the past year. Weird thing is we have never talked about it, never mentioned it, its just something that happens. So fast forward to the new year, we are still hanging out, probably more frequentyy and I began to develop romantic feelings for her. I could feel that she was beginning to open up to me a little bit more, revealing intimate details of her life and past relationships. I was recriprocating as well. Friends meet us and think we are dating, and usually ask how long we have been dating for etc, in which we respond we are just really great friends, but everyone knows we are pretty much with each other i guess. Not being one to want to screw a good thing up, i continued on for as long as i could just playing her game of hot and cold. sometimes she is fully in to me and sometimes she is not. Finally last night I asked her "What are we doing? is this going anywhere? Should this go anywhere or should we stop before we end up destrorying our friendship." I explained to her that I would be happy either way, we just needed to actually define what we were getting in to. She responded by saying, She has been thinking about it as well lately, and she is sorry that she is so indecisive but isnt sure what she wants. . . she has to think about it, since we are best friends and doesnt want to ruin that. What do I do? keep waiting and going back and forth with her? RUN? continue to be her friend and pretend nothing happened and that we never brought it up? Do I give her an ultimatum nad say look I really want to be with you I just need to make sure you want the same as well? HELP this is driving me crazy.
Public Comments
- If, after being your good friend and bed buddie, she is unable to give a definitive yes or now answer immediately after the question is raised, then, she is not emotionally ready for a romantic relationship. I know this is not what you want to hear. However, think of it this way; she has had a year to get to know you. If she is wishy washy and needs time, then her heart is not into this relationship. The problem with a casual sexual relationship is exactly what you are experiencing with this girl. There is no definition or fine line drawn between "just friends" or "occasional sex buddies". Yes, of course there are feelings or you would not be "friends with benefits". I would refrain from being intimate with her to protect your vulnerability. Some girls cannot commit to or keep a few guys within arms reach so they will always have someone and if one leaves, she has others. This may not be the case with her, but it is a possibility, you know. Is there someone else she is involved with. I would give her two weeks to decide if she wants to BE with you, not just have sex whenever. Know this, your relationship with her is about to change either way. Can you just be friends and not have sexual contact during weak moments, if she allows it?? You have to take your emotions into consideration. You see, sometimes staying friends is impossible once you crossed the sexual line because emotions are a strong force. Only you know what you can handle. Now, I cannot help but remind you that when you have casual sex of this nature, you are putting yourself at risk for a sexually transmitted disease.
