What should I do? Found my boyfriend signed up on dating websites?
My boyfriend and I were together once before for over 3 years. Then we split up because he wanted to be with another women, and things had kind of been on the outs for awhile anyway. About a year and a half ago we got back together, and are living together now. Regardless of what he did back then, keep in mind he is the all-time love of my life. But one day about 4 weeks ago I saw on his bank statement that he had joined Match.com and another free dating website. When I asked him about it he said it was just out of pure curiosity, and that he was sorry. I know all of his passwords to everything so I know for a fact that since that day he has not gone back to any of the websites, but I cant get it out of my head. What should i do?? I have an 8 year old son who adores him, and I cant even imagine not being with him again. When we split up last time I went on a downward spiral for about 2 years. I am pretty understanding and am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because I am not a jealous person by any means, but it hurt me to discover it!!! Please give me good advice.....!!!!
Public Comments
- I don't know. On one hand, when you all split the first time he at least had the balls to say "Hey, I want to be with someone else", instead of cheating and you finding out, etc etc. You say yourself that you know he hasn't been on the sites since then, and maybe... however odd it may seem, he was really just curious? I would say, for now, just drop it and as long as he continues to treat you right and doesn't do anything else to make you suspect him then everything should be alright. I understand that you can't shake it, been there and done that. But at least try. IF you catch any thing more, you end things right then and there. Do not let a man control your emotions what-so-ever... no matter how much it hurts he does not have control over you and by forgiving over and over you're letting him win. In conclusion, let it go this time, next time... cut his balls out and send him on his way.
- Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but its a really bad sign if he is signing up for dating sites, no matter how he might try to explain it away. He's definitely not committed at this point and is looking towards what he thinks are greener pastures. You need to decide if you want to try to find some way to work it out with him or to get out of it. If you decide you want to find a way to work it out, sit down and calmly discuss with him what it is that he is missing in your relationship that is causing him to look for it elsewhere. See if you can get it figured out and resolved. Maybe more sex? Kinkier sex? More talking? Could be anything. But if you can get to the root of the problem, you might find a solution. Of course it may just be the case he wants other women. If this is the case and you still want to be involved, you might consider an open relationship where you are both still together but allowed to have physical intimacy with other people. If you don't think you can work it out, then you need to start preparing yourself for a difficult break-up. Round up your support system (friends, family, etc.) and let them know what you're going through. They'll provide you with unconditional support.
- You call him the "all-time love" of your life. It would appear that he does not feel the same way based on his actions. Since the last breakup sent you into a deep depression for 2 years...and your young son adores him, I would strongly, strongly, strongly suggest therapy/counseling for yourself. You need to be absolutely clear and strong about the issues surrounding this relationship. I would think that the fact you are so attached to a person who is not that attached to you is rooted in things from your own past. Please seek professional support...for your sake and your son's sake....
