My GF is NeedY, Seeking a Womens advice!?
I have been dating this girl for almost three years now, I am almost 21. I recently (last week) got laid off and I now have Free Time. She expects me to spend every waking moment with her, she is 20. She calls me every night before I go to bed to say g-night. She calls all the time when I am with friends. She is always begging for me to drive to go see her. I end up spending all week with her and if I am not able to see her the next day she totally freaks out. She constantly asks if I love her and begs to get married. She has been begging me to marry her since we started dating. I regularly receive texts that she could never love another man etc. I love her to death until she gets into her "mood" where she does the above listed things. Today for example, I have a dentist app at 11 the KU game is on at 12 she has to work at 2. (she lives 20 minutes away) She freaks out that I cannot spend time with her and how the game is more important than she is. This is rediculose the fact that she needs me to be there 24/7 or she doesnt get any sleep etc. This is whats been keeping me from making a commitment and she regularly begs me to make it but thats a whole other story. Women, is there any good advice or is the best solution to break up for a short time or permanently. In conclusion, She is not being an individual anymore and not letting me be one either. -altered quote Crystal, I think you are on to something. A little more information, She is living at home with her parents who make her pay all of her bills etc, she owns her own vehicle and isin the process of bidding on her own home. She did not have any friends until just recently. Now she is hanging out with her boss (friend) from work who happens to be a lesbian. She has not made any good decisions friends wise, in other words trouble, bad relationships etc. Crystal, hopefully this will allow you to pinpoint the problem if you have not already answered it. Thany you.
Public Comments
- What is this girl's living situation? Is she living alone or does she still live with family? Since you have been together since you were teenagers, it is possible that she hasn't really had a chance to figure out who she is as an individual. You, on the other hand, seem to have developped your own friends, interests, and identity seperate from her. She could be clinging to you because she feels that she "needs" you more than you need her and she worries that you are growing apart. A good way to approach this may be to assure her that just because people grow and change doesn't mean that they have to grow apart. Let her know that you care about her and that you want her to develop her owns interests so that she can be a more well-rounded individual and feel more confident in herself instead of feeling like she needs to depend on you as her only source of social interaction. Maybe she's not happy with her living situation and is pressuring you to get married as a way to "rescue" her from it. Marriages which start on that foundation don't usually last. Unless both of you are confident enough to stand on your own two feet, the relationship will never be that of equals. That is the recipe for a co-dependent relationship and the problems that go along with that dynamic. If you want to stay together, try suggesting that she spend more time with her own friends and do her own activities so she doesn't get jealous when you spend time away from her. If that doesn't work, she may have deeper issues to work out before she is really ready for a committed relationship. If you are committed to making this relationship work, you should be her biggest cheerleader in her efforts to make a change. But don't feel that it's your job to "fix" her. If she's not willing to compromise and work out a schedule that allows you both some freedom instead of monopolizing all your free time, then maybe you two need to reconsider whether this relationship is really in your best interests.
