Dating men with kids? I am dating a divorced man who has young kids, he has them almost every weekend (vs. standard every other weekend). Not too long ago, I dated another divorced man, same situation, every weekend he had his kids. I understand they want to see their kids every chance they get, but should there be some balance? I don't have kids, so I don't know. I do believe the ex-wives have it better. They have their kids during the week, and on weekends they are free to date, and develop new relationships. Not surprisingly, in both cases, ex-wives were happily remarried. Sometimes I wish he had custody - he would have his kids during the week and have some weekends free for me. Any advice, does he need to balance better or do I just need to assess whether I can handle the limited time we have?

Value of a Website !!!!!!!? I have a website which is about giving free dating advice to men. I was wondering how much would it be worth and where could i sell it ... Here it is, take a look: http://www.informedman.com Every answer is appreciated, and i can`t wait to give away the 10 points for the best answer ! :D

Giving my boyfriend a free pass?? advice pleaseee? Hi id like advice on this from men and women please!! ok so me and my boyfriend are pretty serious, been dating for about a year and i see ALOT of potential in this guy for our future. the only problem is that he was a virgin when we met and i...wasnt...there have NEVER been any problems with me having more experience than him in our relationship ever! but we are planning a future together and i want him to have a sort of 'free pass' that he can use for a month and sleep with any girl he wants with no commitment, meaning no dating other women or anything like that, just sex....am i crazyyy? We both know the difference between love and sex and i feel like itd benefit both of us in the future if he sleep around a bit now before we get married and have kids and then he cheats or something. Im pretty much sure i want him to do this but id just like know other peoples opinions. If youve been in the same situation thatd be even better! Thanx! xoxo

Where do I stand: dating advice? Met a lovely man who spends his limited free time with me. He says we are not in a relationship although we are intimate with each other. I am really falling for him but feel worried that I have got it all wrong. I don't want to be heavy and demand that he's mine but I am really into him. He asked me what i wanted from him and I said nothing. Should I have said something else. There is no long term prospects for us as his work will take him abroad in 3 years time and I am stuck in this country. Any advice most appreciated.

Why do you think women ask more questions on this forum than men? It doesn't matter for the particular category: "Singles & Dating", "Marriage & Divorce", and especially "Weddings". Does this indicate something deeper in the psyche of men vs. women? Do men not care about relationships the way that women do? Or do women seek more anonymous advice than men do? Feel free to disagree, also. It's perfectly acceptable to believe that men ask more questions than women on this forum, but I think providing evidence for that would be an uphill battle.

LADIES: What would motivate you to.....? ....go to a free relationship seminar taught by a man (me) about how to ATTRACT, INSPIRE, MOTIVATE, AND KEEP THE MAN YOU WANT in your life? I plan to personally invite women in my area to this educational seminar with a hand delivered flyer/invitation, but if FREE isn't enough, what should I offer as a "carrot"? My own suggestions are: (tell me which one(s) would get you to go) Chance to win a free 1-hour massage in a drawing? An eBook on 200 Date Questions/Conversation Starters and "How to Know if Someone is Lying to You?" 2 for 1 Coupons for popular local restaurants? Discounted Spa Treatments at local Day Spas? **I'M CONFIDENT OF MY MATERIAL, BUT WOULD LIKE TO ENSURE A GREAT RESPONSE, SO.....WHAT ELSE WOULD GET A LADY TO ATTEND? WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST?** Any ideas? Thanks a ton in advance for your advice! I apprecatiate your input.

Should I go to the wedding or not? The wedding is one of my close friend's mother.Her mother is marrying this great guy,he isnt my friend's birth father but is going to be a great step dad. I feel uncomfortable because of my friend's future step grandma's date. This man is maybe 50ish (their whole family is really young) and he raped his 8 yr old daughter some 20 yrs ago. He spent a couple years in jail and then was set free. He makes me really uneasy the few times ive met him . What he did to his daughter he doesnt consider rape because he said she "enjoyed it" He is disgusting and i dont know why she'd ever date him. he is deff. coming to the wedding and i dont know if i can stand being around him. I am pretty opinionated and feel like giving this guy a piece of my mind about what a low life he is. Please give me any advice, thank you.

His job & son take most of his time, is he really that into me? I dated this guy a few years ago, and I was more into partying than him...I really did care about him, I was just young (22) and he broke my heart. Well about a month ago he contacted me and we started talking everyday, two and three times a day, we went out to dinner and he took me around his friends and introduced me to all them. He recently told me he likes me and he wants to see what can happen, but he doesn't want anything exclusive right now. He wants to take things slow. He is so used to being single, he says. He works third shift and only has his son one night a week, so that leaves him one night to go out...I understand his busy schedule, I have one as well and don't have a lot of free time...I just really care about this guy and don't want to lose him again...any advice guys?? What is a man's definition of casual dating???

Any capricorn men with sound advice for me? I'm a leo woman who is in a love with a Capricorn man--but I dont think he knows it. He courted me passionately and we went out on occasional dates. I never once told him I like him for im afraid of getting hurt.The thing is, he calls when he's free and is always reserved. Not that I mind..but Im just confused, not knowing if he actually likes being and wants to be with me. We have been intimate and have a sexual relationship--Does this mean anything to Capricorn men? I dont know if he's serious enough with me. Any sound advice pls. Kindest regards,

Moms and daughters: Please give me your opinion? My parents divorced when I was 18, I am now 29. My dad met and married my step mom 1 ½ yrs later. My mom has never remarried. She has had a few relationships, but 2 were with married men, 1 had kids still in high school that my mom didn’t want to deal with, and 1 lived 3 states away and my mom constantly complained about the distance (even though she knew it when she met him). The past year or so she has been meeting men online. She feels it necessary to tell me about every single guy she goes out with, including some of the intimate details, even though I have told her as nicely as I could that I really don’t want to hear about this. She is going out with at least 3-4 different men a week, and bringing quite a few home and having sex with them. She even went to some guys house and had sex with him, and left before his wife got home. If we have a family get together at someone’s house, she either leaves early cause she has a date with another guy or she gets on their computer to check her e-mail to see if she has had anymore guys contact her. She hardly ever spends time with her kids or grandkids anymore. She has actually forgotten plans that she had made with one of the grandkids, because she made plans with someone else. She made plans to pick my son up tonight and keep him till Monday night to spend some time with him. She called Friday to say she was picking him up that night instead, my husband and I thought that she just wanted to spend more time with him. No, it was cause she wanted to make plans for Monday. She would rather spend her free time going out on dates , than to spend it with her grandkids. She has made promises to them that she has forgotten about, but the kids haven’t forgotten. I can not keep track of the men that she is dating cause there are just too many of them. None of which she has wanted to introduce to her family. Knowing all this, here is what happened to make me ask advice. I lost my temper after finding out the reason she changed plans with my son, and I bluntly told her what I thought about her lifestyle. I will admit, that I probably was a little to harsh and said some very hurtful things, but I had reached my boiling point with her. I told her that I was ashamed over her lifestyle, that I didn’t want a mother who slept with any guy who met, and I didn’t want my kids to have a grandmother like that. I told her that my kids had a right to have the same kind of grandma that I had (my moms mom) who wanted to be around her grandkids frequently, went around asking “Are you hungry honey? You want me to fix you something to eat?”, baked, sewed and quilted. (Ok, I know that was a little overboard.) Well, she handed the phone to my aunt who lives with her, and who knows first hand what my mom is doing, and wouldn’t talk to me anymore. My aunt completely agrees with me and has nicely tried to say the same things to her. I know I probably got a little too upset and said something’s that I probably wouldn’t have said if I were not so mad. But can anyone see what I got so upset about? And what is your advice to do now?

plz. help me to write the main idea of this article in the NY Times. in two pages.?

Im Dating A Man Who Is Seperated And I NEED Advice ASAP!!! PLZ Help? So I met this wonderful guy, that I really vibe well with. He is really cultured, diverse, and secure. The only problem is that I know he separated(not divorced) from his wife for about a year and I know he has issues he is working through with that. From me asking him questions he says that he "not gonna just completely drop my life if she wants to get back together", "but if she wanted to work for once and all that then I would have to consider that."if they ever will get back together because everything is so damaged and it seems miles away that they ever will. When we finally had sex it was so passionate and deep (I know that sex doesn't mean anything),but he is always staring deep into my eyes, caressing my face, telling me how wonderful and beautiful a person I am, He divulges secrets to me, even leaned on me for support when he was emotionally distraught and how he feels so free and comfortable around me. And when we are around each other like you can really feel the chemistry between us. But the things that really had me take a step back from him was when he said " I hope this is not going to complicate things between us, because I really value our friendship", then asked me just to reaffirm what he was thinking was us becoming intimate gonna complicate things.. Then he would apologize to me on his most stressful days that he is sorry that his life is so complicated right now. But I said No, that things are not complicated for me to play it cool cause of course it is cool I just got out of a relationship like a month ago. Then its like we talk everyday via phone or in person, and go out for dates and events and we see each other just about every other day. But what could this mean? Is his actions conflicting with his thoughts or what?! Because I know that he is separated, and NOT divorced there is always that possibility will get back together despite the fact they have been apart for a year and a half. Is there something there for later down the line for us or is it just an no strings attached type deal........ Please help Im in an emotional hold of confusion Please Help -Mz.TopNotchCEO When We First met He introduced me to his mother. When I met his best friend he said that his mother called him out the blue and told him how gorgeous I am even before he met me! So my friend says his mom ask about me from time to time, so I'm like that's sweet! Then his best friend actually set up a double date with me, my friend, him, his wife, his kid, my kid, and my friend's dog. And my friend says his dog loves me and loves kids......... When We First met He introduced me to his mother. When I met his best friend he said that his mother called him out the blue and told him how gorgeous I am even before he met me! So my friend says his mom ask about me from time to time, so I'm like that's sweet! Then his best friend actually set up a double date with me, my friend, him, his wife, his kid, my kid, and my friend's dog. And my friend says his dog loves me and loves kids......... When We First met He introduced me to his mother. When I met his best friend he said that his mother called him out the blue and told him how gorgeous I am even before he met me! So my friend says his mom ask about me from time to time, so I'm like that's sweet! Then his best friend actually set up a double date with me, my friend, him, his wife, his kid, my kid, and my friend's dog. And my friend says his dog loves me and loves kids.........

Do I give an ultimatum? I have been dating a man I really like for almost 7 months. We spend most of our free time together and genuinely enjoy each other's company. Unfortunately, there's a problem. In 7 months I have yet to meet even his roommate, much less a friend, coworker or family member. He and I have busy careers but it cant be that impossible to introduce me to the people in his life. I have brought this issue up on three ocassions and he always has an excuse: "his company doesnt allow guests to attend", "he doesnt want to share me "or "the roommate isnt home tonight". He rarely sees his friends (which is true) and he's not close to his family - so I see no issue not having met these two groups. He is very supportive and respectful of me in every other way BUT this just doesnt seem normal. Any advice? He knows its an issue for me yet it hasnt changed...

need some men and women advice? i have liked someone for quite some time now, and i thought i was liked back...but just found out that he is going out with a close friend of mine.... before this my friend (the one that is dating the guy) was always encouraging me to make a move or give him a hint that i liked his as she keps saying she is not interestied in him so i was free to do what i wanted... yesterday i found out that they r planning their engagement party... i am not hurt but very anoyed... what shall i do with the friendship i have with them? they've been dating for 3-4 months without anyone knowing and only 5 months ago she kept telling me that she looked at him as a brother truthfully i have prayed for them to have many blessings in their life but it feels strange to be anywhere around them

What would you do based upon this info? I am Josh Please keep in mind no attorney wants to help!? *Please note* My statute of Limitations is not up, shortly after being terminated from the department I was activated in the military, therefore the case was left open. The Missouri Comission on Human Rights told me I have until June to take this matter to court. From the time I was terminated upuntil now they claim they have been trying to get in contact with me but they couldnt which is not true because over the last year and a half or so I have contacted the department numerous times to try and get this off my record, once they found out the Attorny General was aware of this, they finally contacted me and launched an investigation, I feel an investigation being done by the state when I was fired by the state, will definately not be in my favor, so I am seeking counsel from someone to help me achieve my goal which is to get the bad conduct discharge off my record and also seeking monetary damages. Joshua Yount SSN ***-**-**** DOB *** **, 1982 PSC Box 3062 Vandenberg AFB Lompoc CA 93437 2-09-07 To Whom It May Concern: Being a veteran of the World’s greatest military, as many of you are I would expect you to hold integrity to yourself when hearing my story. On or about the month of December 2004 I was hired on by the Missouri Department of Corrections at Moberly Correctional Center . While I was there I came in contact with a female employee whom I befriended. On or about March 2005 she and I left with our group to attend the training academy in Jefferson City, while there I made some decisions that did not hold up to my character. On several occasions during after duty hours I consumed alcohol with this particular female. However approximately the third week of training the last one of these occasions occurred with the end result of me being accused of sexual assault and terminated from my employment due to her allegations. The Department of Corrections states that I was terminated for bad conduct for consuming alcohol and being late for class (1day late due to illness & the only other day was the day after the alleged allegation). When I was terminated I appealed this decision because I felt I was being discriminated against however my appeal was denied. Given the facts this other female Individual was consuming alcohol just as often as I was and that she was late to class as often as I, their decision was to allow her to keep her employment but terminate mine. I am under the impression that they believe I actually committed these accusations therefore terminating me for sexual assault, if they were to honestly terminate me for bad conduct for the consumption of alcohol they would have terminated this female individual as well. Regardless of what the Department of Corrections may have in their records they were aware of her actions while in the training academy. I have a letter signed by the Macon County Victims Advocate dated February 7, 2007 which states quote “ I made several telephone calls to law enforcement in Jefferson City and was told upon investigation the overall feeling was that Ms. XXXX made the accusation in order to keep from getting in trouble with her employer for drinking while in training and having relations with a fellow correction officer” this letter also states “ Ms. XXXX had a history of making false allegations in Macon County ”. I have attached this letter. After this incident I filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity but did not follow through due to family emergencies and I had also contacted the State Reps., State Senate, Director of State, the Division Director of Department of Corrections and Superintendant of Moberly Correctional Center their decisions stood final. I also seeked counsel from an attorney in Macon County who wanted much more than I could afford being a single father with 2 children at that time. It wasn’t until recently that I applied for a position as a law enforcement officer with the Travis County Sheriffs Department in Austin , Texas and found that because of the mark on my employment record I would not be able to obtain the position I was longing for. My criminal record is clean, I have many accredited hours in Criminal Justice, I am only being held back from doing what I want to, do due to false accusations from an unbalanced young lady. I am coming forward to all of you in the hopes of clearing my employment record. As giving my all but death to this country as a 6 year veteran with an Honorable Discharge from the Navy, and currently on active duty with the California Air National Guard, I do believe I deserve better than this. I have been respectful to my Commander in Chief, to the State of Missouri and have always maintained honesty and integrity. I would only hope after reading this story you too would uphold your integrity and ask yourself, does this young man deserve such a tainted mark upon his employment record? If you honestly do not think so what could you do, given the office and position that you hold? Thank You for your time. Very Respectfully, Joshua S. Yount Senior Airman United States Air Force P.S. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or advice. You may contact me by either phone (619-948-1809) or email j_yount_3@yahoo.com . Below is a list of contacts you may want for further investigations. Sgt. Kilgore (Investigating Officer) Jefferson City Police Department 401 Monroe St Jefferson City , MO 65101 573-634-6400 Tonny Gammon (Superintendent Moberly Correctional Center) Moberly Correctional Center 5201 South Morley Moberly , MO 65270 660-263-3778 Erica Nobles ( Macon County Victims Advocate) 101 Washington , Building #1 Macon County Courthouse Post Office Box 6 660-385-2175 CC: Missouri Governor Attorney General Larry Crawford, Director of State Terry Moore, Division Director of DOC Kit Bond, State Senate Claire McCaskill, State Senate Kenny Hulshof, State Senate _______________________________________________________ LETTER FROM VICTIMS ADVOCATE MACON COUNTY R. TIMOTHY BICKHAUS Macon County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office Phone: 660-385-2175 PROSECUTOR Phoebe Powell-Herrin. Asst. Prosecutor 101 Washington , Building #1 FAX: 660-385-6800 Rhonda Olinger, Secretary Macon County Courthouse EMAIL: Rhonda Crow, Secretary Post Office Box 6 maconprosecutingatt Erica Phillipe-Nobles, Victims Advocate Macon, Missouri 63552 @cvalley.net February 7, 2007 To whom it may concern: Last year I was in constant contact with Joshua Yount over a work related discipline mater involving Joshua Yount and Sheila Ettledorf. Ms. Ettledorf had make a claim that Mr. Yount raped her when She and Mr. Yount were attending training classes for their employment with the Missouri Department of Corrections, 1 made several telephone calls to law enforcement in Jefferson City and was told that upon investigation the overall feeling was that Ms. Ettledorf made the accusation in order to keep from getting in trouble with her employer for drinking while in training and having relations with a fellow corrections officer. I took a special interest in this case because Ms. Ettledorf had a history of making false rape allegations in Macon County One case involved three young men being charged with rape when Ms. Ettledorf was once again drinking alcohol and found herself in trouble for her behavior. The cases against the young men were dropped when she admitted to my self and the prosecuting attorney that there had in fact not been a rape or sexual contact with any of the young men. At least two additional times Ms. Ettledorf was in contact with law enforcement claiming sexual assault, and these were also false. Other than this contact, I do not personally know Joshua Yount, but would hate to see a young man’ s career be jeopardized by a mark on his record that does not accurately reflect what happened. This young lady continues to have problems with “relationships” and is currently a witness in a case involving her most recent er-boyfriend being stabbed by another male subject at her home. At some point I believe it is safe to say that she is most likely the cause of her own problems. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me at the above listed telephone number. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Erica M. Nobles Macon County Victim Advocate ______________________________________________________________________ LETTER FROM ATTORNEY GENERALS OFFICE Dear Mr. Yount: Thank you for contacting Lt. Governor Kinder's office concerning your employment with the Department of Corrections. We will do our best to be of service to you. In response to your request for assistance, I contacted the Department of Corrections. We have asked that your situation be reviewed at the state level and that you receive every consideration allowed to you under the law. The Department should contact you soon. If you have additional questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to call our office at (573) 751-4727. Sincerely, Bill Fix Assistant Director of Communications Lieutenant Governor Peter Kinder 573-751-4727 http://www.ltgov.mo.gov/ ___________________________________________________ LETTER FROM MCHR February 21, 2007 Joshua Yount RE: Yount v Missouri Department of Corrections E-9/05-29157 Dear Mr. Yount: I have been assigned the above named complaint to investigate. In order to commence the investigation I must first interview you. If you wish to pursue this complaint contact me at (314) 340-4773 between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. to arrange an interview within a week of the date on this letter. If I am not available when you call, leave a message stating when and where you can be reached. I will get back to you. If you have decided you do not wish to pursue your complaint, inform me of that decision also. Sincerely, Vanessa Foster Human Rights Officer St. Louis Office

Quotes from Women !!!? You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly Ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -- Erica Jong My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -- Rita Rudner I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... And I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. -- Erma Bombeck If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -- Sue Grafton I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew Hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men Invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -- Maryon Pearson "Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed As an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as Quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug "In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man; If you want Anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine Marriage and a career." -- Gloria Steinem "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith Summerskill "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around Your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn

Men advice needed! I am a tricky situation!? I met that guy a month ago. We went on 2 dates and I enjoyed both of them. The last date was 3 weeks ago on a Tuesday. Since I bumped into him because we live in the same area and he apologised for not texting me back (I texted him after the 2nd date). I was going away for a week for Easter. I told him and asked him if he wanted to catch up before I was going away but he couldn't but I should let him know when i will be back in town. I told him which day I will be back and that I will call him. I got back in town and called him, and I let a voicemail - then the next day he texted me saying that he was sorry to have missed my call and that he'll call me the next day and he hoped I was fine. I texted him on Tuesday asking him if he wanted to hang out and he replied: " This week i'm a little busy - i've got my mum in town for a couple of weeks so lots of family dinners etc. Maybe friday night i could be free... or weekend/ Sunday..." What is this guy doing? What should I do?

My questions concerns internet dating, which are best, what are the cost, advice? I am a man who would like to meet some nice ladies. I am not looking for marriage or a very serious relationship. I am flexible, just chatting, a date or two fine. Have gotten e-mails from several companies that seemed interesting. Incidentally, Yahoo Personals did not work well for me. The three companies that have offered free services are Mate 1, Engage, and Meet Big Beautiful Singles in Your Area (I like larger women). What would there be to lose to fill out a form for a trial. I am looking for low costs. Would be grateful for any thoughts, suggestions, and experience on this matter.

Smart Women Quotes ????? You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -- Erica Jong My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -- Rita Rudner I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. -- Erma Bombeck If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -- Sue Grafton I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -- Maryon Pearson "Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug "In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man; If you want anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." -- Gloria Steinem "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith Summerskill "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn

Why have churches sold out to the government? Obtaining Corporation Status (501c3) is Against God The word "church" is not meant to refer to any physical building, but refers to the worldwide body of believers in Christ. The word "church" (ecclesia in Greek - called out ones) does not refer to any organization, no matter it's name or legal status. Keep that in mind when reading this article. It is time for Christians to wake up and turn back to God. We need to turn to the Lord and repent of our sins that we have committed against Him. We need to ask for forgiveness of tolerating idolatry that removes His Sovereignty over His Church. To see that the Church is in grave danger we must have a clear understanding of what a corporation is. We also need to realize what the courts have ruled about corporations and that a corporation has no rights, only privileges, granted by the "estate." To become a corporation removes the authority of the Lord over a corporate church and puts it under the bondage of man's law. According to man, The State is Sovereign over its Corporations 1. "A corporation is a creature of the state. It is presumed to be incorporated for the benefit of the public. It receives certain special privileges and franchises and holds them subject to the laws of the state and the limitation of its charter. Its powers are limited by law. It can make no contract not authorized by its charter. Its rights to act as a corporation are only preserved to it so long as it obeys the laws of its creation. There is a reserved right in the legislature to investigate its contracts and ascertain if it has exceeded its powers" (Hale v. Henkel, 201 U.S. 43) 2. "[A corporation is] an artificial person or legal entity created by or under the authority of the laws of a state. An association of persons created by statute as a legal entity.... The corporation is distinct from the individuals who comprise it (shareholders).... Such an entity subsists as a body politic under a special denomination, which is regarded in law as having a personality and existence distinct from that of its several members." Black's Law Dictionary West Publishing Company, 1991; 6th Edition, page 340. 3. "A corporation derives its existence and all of its powers from the State and, therefore, has only such powers as the State has conferred upon it. Power is used here to mean the legal capacity to execute and fulfill the objects and purposes for which the corporation was created, and the source of this power is the charter and the statute under which the corporation was organized." Len Young Smith and G. Gale Roberson, Smith and Roberson's Business Law, West Publishing Company, 1966, page 796. A corporation derives its existence and all of its power from the State. The church on the other hand was created by and is the body of Christ. We belong to Him and we are subject to Him and His Laws. The source of any church's power is supposed to be the Holy Spirit; it's authority to function solely from God. 4. "Corporate existence is a privilege granted by the sovereign upon compliance with specified conditions" Len Young Smith and G. Gale Roberson, Smith and Roberson's Business Law, West Publishing Company, 1966, page 931. . 5. "Corporations are not citizens.... The term citizen... applies only to natural persons... not to artificial persons created by the legislature" Paul v. Virginia, 8 Wall. 168, 177; see also the Opinion of Field, J., in the Slaughterhouse Cases, 16 Wall.36,99 The Word of God teaches us that Christians, His Holy Church, are citizens of the household of God (Eph.2:19). 6. Every corporation has obtained a charter from the State of Incorporation. This charter is simply permission to exist given to the corporation (by the State!) without which, its operations would be considered illegal. In addition to the charter are the articles of incorporation: "The objects or purposes for which a corporation is formed are expressly stated in its articles of incorporation, which delineate in general language the type of business activities in which the corporation proposes to engage" Smith and Roberson's Business Law, West Publishing Company, 1966, page 798. 7. "Instances of non-profit corporations are educational institutions, athletic clubs, library clubs, fraternities, sororities, hospitals, and organizations which have exclusively a charitable purpose" Smith and Roberson's Business Law, West Publishing Company, 1966, page 789. (Note: The purpose of the church is not "charity," nor is it's purpose exclusively charitable. Charity should be a function of every church, but is certainly not it's purpose. Offering worship to God, evangelism to the lost, and the fellowship and equipping of the saints are among church's exclusive purposes. (gm) The Lord is Sovereign over His Churches : Jesus is the Head of the Church, not man Paul compares the special relationship of Christ and His church to the God giving relationship of man and wife. What can be closer or more special then this? Would you bring another person into your marriage to control it with worldly principles? I hope the answer is no. Then why would you bring in a "fictitious entity" no less created by the state and man i.e.: corporation, to run and regulate something that belongs to the Lord? The relationship with Jesus and His Church belongs to Him alone. He is the Head of the Church and as such He governs it with His Laws, Principles and Directions. After all He is our King and is Sovereign over His Church. To become a corporation in effect divorces the church from Christ. We also commit idolatry by putting something before Him. Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Christ is the Saviour of the body (the church); not the state. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. The church is subject to Christ not the state. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Christ has purchased the church with His own blood. The State can give nothing for the church and should give nothing to the church. 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. The church should be holy and without blemish, to mingle the church with the state/worldly system is to bring spot and wrinkle to the church because of what the state/world does and says, homosexuality, abortion, adultery and many other things are acceptable, they pass laws making them that way. This goes against God; should the church be partakers of that? 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: The Lord nourishes and cherishes the church. Throughout history the state has tried to destroy the church. It still does through legislation trying to control all aspects of the free and corporate church. 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. The church is a living organism with a living head and body. Therefore the church is not a religious organization. It is possible to be a religious or charitable organization without being a church. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. The church is to be joined unto Christ. In Matthew Jesus used the word cleave. I do not see that the church is to be joined to Christ and the state. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. He speaks of the relationship that the church is supposed to have with Christ. One that is supposed to be holy and true. One, that's with each other without interference, blessed. Eph 1:20 Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, 21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: 22 And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church Christ is to be all things to the church. He is in Charge and Head of the church not the state. The state is under His feet, it is the footstool of the Lord why put it ahead of Him? 23 Which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all. KJV There are more Scriptures that would support that Jesus is the sole authority over the church. Most of us Christians know this and believe this. I challenge my brothers and sisters to find them. Study them, to see if the Truth is being brought forth. Jesus Christ Should Be The Head Of The Church - Why Then Incorporate? Many people for some reason think that a church has to. This is far from the truth on a few different levels. Here in the United States of America a church does not have to incorporate at all to be recognized as a local body of believers. (Not sure why they would want recognition from the state anyway.) I know some of you are thinking "Well, Romans 13 says..." Most of us have been taught that whatever the government says, goes. Wrong! If the government passes a law that interferes or contradicts one of Gods law we are not bound to follow it. There are examples of this in the Bible ; we have all heard the story of Daniel and the lions' den. To think Christians are bound by the laws of men, when it comes to the work of the Kingdom, is just stupid. If this were the case the church in Russia, China, Middle East and other places - if they listened to Romans 13 the way it is applied now - would never have seen growth. How about the brothers/sisters that smuggled Bibles into the old Soviet Block, China, Cuba and others? Whose law did they break? Man's. The local government's. They may be held accountable for their actions by men, they might even lose their lives. Guess what? God will reward them for their actions. They were doing the work of the Kingdom. I know most of us have heard that Federal law supercedes state law. State law supercedes county, city and town law, and so on and so forth. Guess what? The law of God supercedes all of man's law when it goes against His own (Acts 4:18-19). The point is even if there was a law requiring churches to incorporate we would not be bound to do so. In doing so we would be removing the Lordship of Jesus and giving it to the state. Thank God we have not reached this point yet in this country but don't be fooled, its coming. Why then do churches incorporate? 1. They think they have to. 2. They feel it gives them some benefit. 3. They think it gives them prestige. 4. Asset protection. 5. Think it's the only way gifts are tax deductible. 6. Think its okay with God. 7. They have always done it that way. The list could go on, I'm sure we could all find some earthly reasons why we think incorporating would be a good idea. We Still Think It's The Law - Show me Otherwise If you still think it's the law and that would make any difference to you in your relationship with the Lord, I will show you differently: "Congress shall make no law regarding an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof" (U.S. Constitution, First Amendment). According to the Internal Revenue Code, "a church, its integrated auxiliaries, and conventions and associations of the church are excluded from taxation." United States Code, Title 26, 508(c)(1)(A). Section 508(c) of the Internal Revenue Code provides that churches are not required to apply for recognition of Section 501(c)(3) status in order to be exempt from federal taxation or to receive tax deductible contributions. Churches are automatically exempt from Federal income tax, and contributions to churches are deductible by donors under section 170. Elsewhere, the IRS states: "Although a church, its integrated auxiliaries, or a convention of churches is not required to file Form 1023 to be exempt from federal income tax or to receive tax deductible contributions, such an organization may find it advantageous to obtain recognition of exemption (Tax Exempt Status for Your Organization, IRS Publication 557). Just what "advantage" is there for a church in obtaining 501(c)(3) recognition and thereby exchanging its sovereignty for a subordinate status in relation to the federal government? Most people would answer that such grants the church exemption from taxation. However, we have already seen that the federal government has never been able to tax the Church of Christ; the Church is not exempt from taxation, it is immune. The "advantage" is something else entirely: "By establishing its exemption, potential contributors are assured by the [Internal Revenue] Service that contributions will be deductible" Tax Exempt Status for Your Organization, IRS Publication 557. The tragic irony of all this is that, according to the Internal Revenue Code, financial donations to an unregistered, unincorporated church are automatically tax-deductible (26 USC 170-B). The government has no constitutional authority over the Church. It is not allowed to violate the First Amendment protection that the constitution provides. In fact the government may not infringe on any of our constitutional rights at all. They have found a way around this of course. To hold out an unbiblical advantage hoping an ignorant clergy person will take the bait and bring the church into voluntary compliance by forming a 501( C )(3) corporation, thus placing the church under the authority of the state. Once the church has been transformed into a corporation it then becomes subject to control by federal and state governments. In truth an incorporated church is no longer a church!! but merely a non-profit organization. Once a church incorporates the new non-profit organization is subject to total control by the government. You will be controlled on who you hire, what you can and cannot preach. You cannot conflict with public policy nor assault the hearer's sense of mental well being, self-esteem, sexual orientation etc. You can be sued. The IRS prohibits such organizations from "carrying on propaganda, or otherwise attempting to influence legislation" (26 USC 501-C-3). This prohibition extends, not only to the endorsement of a political candidate, but also any other attempts to "influence legislation," including taking a public stand against such government-protected abominations, such as abortion or homosexuality. Now, the church is discovering that favors from Washington, DC have strings attached. In this case, the string is a rope that is being used to throttle her once-powerful voice, to squeeze out her very life and, eventually, to hang her by the neck until dead! History Of Our New Nation: One of the reason people came to the new land was to get away from the entanglements of the old world. Quite a few of the reasons dealt with the issue of church and state. People where fleeing a repressive regime where there was a state-sponsored church or the church was running the governments. It was bad enough that people picked up and left. Now we seem to be returning to what our forefathers left on our own free will. We are taking a license to preach from the state, being told what we can and can't say. One of the things that inspired Patrick Henry's speech "Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death" was, he saw a man being beaten for preaching the gospel without a license. If we forget history we are doomed to repeat it. We as Christians need to wake up and take a stand. One thing that sticks in my mind is when I got married : "By the power vested in me by God and the State of California I now...." What Do I Do Now? (This section will not be favored by corporate Pastor/Ministers.) 1. You became incorporated, become unincorporated. 2. Talk to your Pastor/Minister about this important issue. 3. Rescind your membership in an incorporated church. 4. Don't incorporate. 5. Don't support incorporated churches. 6. Find an unincorporated church. 7. Start an unincorporated church. 8. Study Your Bible Daily. 9. Pray for the Body of Christ. 10. Witness and lead people to a personal relationship with Jesus. I know finding an unincorporated church will be a real chore, as there are not many out there. There is also a real need to hear and study the word. If you must go to an incorporated church I suggest not becoming a member. I know this is not the norm but we have to remember who the head of the church is, and especially, that we are not join to ourselves to a harlot. Churches which have (knowingly or not) substituted the authority of Christ with sinful man's demonically-influenced word system fit this description. This issue has weighed on my spirit for a long time. I'm guilty of idolatry for finding things to put before Him in the writing of this paper. I was led to write this and now it's almost done. I only pray that God will get the glory, eyes and hearts will be opened and His Will be done. I realize this paper will not make me many friends. I know this, but that was not the point. I pray people will take the time to search out what The Word has to say on this issue. I'm certain many people will come to the same conclusion and we can restore the Lordship of Jesus Christ to his rightful place over HIS church. Acts 17:11 These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. KJV A Servant of the King, Yashua Ha Mashiach, Jesus, the Messiah What Now? For more information on this topic go to http://www.theantichurch.org/501c3churchinfo.htm All information presented here is done so under the protection of the First, Fourth, Ninth, and Tenth Amendment of the United States Constitution. No warranty of accuracy is intended or implied, but merely reflects the best of my current non-professional research into these matters, to date. Nothing here should be interpreted or taken as legal advice, as I am not an attorney, and Guy Malone - who has posted it, but not written it - assumes no responsibility for any actions resulting from believing or acting upon this material; everything presented should be thoroughly researched against the Holy Bible, U.S. and State laws for your area, and with God and your conscience before taking any action from reading this material

What do you seniors think about these wonderful quotes from woman? You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -- Erica Jong My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -- Rita Rudner I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. -- Erma Bombeck If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -- Sue Grafton I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -- Maryon Pearson "Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug "In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man; If you want anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." -- Gloria Steinem "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith Summerskill "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn

I need some advice-how do I get back into dating after a long marriage? Not looking for just physical thing!? I have tried internet dating site and got lots of replies but most either just disappear, never talk back when I reply--even something as simple as How are you? What do you like to do in your free time? What kinds of food do you like? etc. If they don't disappear, they come on very strong, want to meet right away and are very concerned with physical needs, shall we say? Aren't there any men who really want a relationship not just a quick physical thing? I am 48, by the way but most people say I look younger, around late 30's or early 40s(not bragging just really is what people say). I tend to attract (on the internet anyway) younger men (30's) or much older (65 & up)--very few from 45 to 50. I am not a clingy needy person, pretty independent, but do expect to be treated like a person not just body parts! Where I live, it seems women a lot uglier and meaner (b*-mean, if you know what I mean)seem to have no trouble getting bfs and hubbies (usually they meet at bars though) What gives? The only bars/clubs around where I live are pick up places, with shootings, etc. Only 1 decent bar but mainly college kids. No movie theatre, no clubs or organizations except Jr. League and country club--not in my price level, not my society level. 1 tiny tiny mall. Can't afford to drive too far to find somewhere to go (closest place at least 50 miles away) I also work at a very tiny family business--no chance of dating co-workers. Plus, I have been divorced for a while now--didn't date for a long time, but really feel ready now (several years since divorce). I get looks at Walmart and grocery stores, but when I talk to them, it seems a woman comes around the corner and makes sure I know they're a couple. There isn't anywhere else to go around here--I am not the only one that say this--the 20 somethings have a hard time finding a date--not a hard time finding a one-night stand, but hard to get real dates from what I have heard (all ages)

Quotes for life? Men get laid, but women get screwed. - Quentin Crisp (English writer) When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. - Frederick Ryder Women need a reason to have sex — men just need a place. - Billy Crystal. I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. “Please, I’ll only put it in for a minute.” What am I, a microwave? - Beverly Mickins (American comedienne) A woman’s appetite is twice that of a man’s; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times. - Sanskrit proverb There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.” - Jerry Seinfeld We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation. - Jane Wagner You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate. - Carrie S Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last. - Remy de Gourmant (French writer) A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses. - H.L. Mencken (American writer, 1888-1956) When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. - Warren Farrell (American Psychologist) Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - B. Johnson Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable? - Carrie Snow I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde. - Dolly Parton You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. - Sue Grafton I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. - Roseanne I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it’s because it’s cold in there. And I’m like: How did my mother know THAT? - Wendy Liebman I think-therefore I’m single. - Lizz Winstead When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” - Joey Adams “Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.” - Aldous Huxley “Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.” - Ronald Reagan “Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” - Woody Allen “Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either.” - Joseph Fischer If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” - Joey Adams “Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.” - Aldous Huxley “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.” - Swami X “Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.” - Aaron Levenstein “The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.” - Anonymous “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” - Phyllis Diller “When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.” - Samuel Johnson “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” - Oscar Wilde “Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” - Al Bundy I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” - David Bissonette “If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.” - Johnny Carson “If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.” - Chekhov “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.” - Agatha Christie “Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” - Irwin Corey “Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.” - Ken Dodd “I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” - Zsa Zsa Gabor “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.” -Zsa Zsa Gabor “When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” - Sacha Guitry The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.” - Margo Kaufman “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” - Sam Kinison “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marxv “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” - Jackie Mason “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” - James Holt McGavran “A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.” - Ogden Nash “When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.” - Helen Rowland

Anyone have some advice for a mother in need of some? My son, an average student, and drug and alcohol free to my knowledge, whom up to this point was an extremely trustworthy and obediant young man has recently completely shattered any remnants of trust between us and disrespected me on a level I could not have imagined. To give a brief synopsis, my teenage son recently started dating a girl considerably younger than himself, and though we may have teased him and questioned his motives on the matter, there ultimately wasn't much to be done to keep him from dating her and eventually it was just accepted. He was spending absurd amounts of time at her house, and as such I implemented the rule that he could only stay out after five on weekends, while on weekdays he had to be home for dinner. To skirt this he began to bring her back home with him, and out of the blue began spending time and sleeping over at his male friend's houses. But I did not find this suspicious because he was a good kid, and I trusted him. It all more or less came crashing down when he forgot to call one night, and I, angered I searched madly to locate him. The lack of an update had made me upset enough that I decided I was going to go pick him up from his friend's house. When asked which friend's house he was at and what the address was, he said he didn't know...but by this point I knew he was at his girlfriend's house, keeping in mind it's about one a.m. At this point I blew up. I completely lost control. I asked what # he was calling from and when I found out it was his gf's mother's phone, I demanded to be put on the line with the woman. When I had her on the line, she quite blatantly lied to me and it became clear that she was enabling my son's deceit. I'm not sure what an appropriate course of action would be at this point, does anyone have any similar situations or advice on the matter?

What are your favourite quotes and tell which one you like the best? You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -- Erica Jong My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -- Rita Rudner I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. -- Erma Bombeck If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -- Sue Grafton I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." -- Elayne Boosler "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -- Maryon Pearson "Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug "In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man; If you want anything done, ask a woman." -- Margaret Thatcher "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." -- Gloria Steinem "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith Summerskill "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" -- Linda Ellerbee "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." -- Gloria Steinem Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." -- Katharine Hepburn

Please help I recieved a noise violation in Sea Isle City and I need legal advice.? occured in Sea Isle City, NJ I was asleep in a friend of a friend's home which was cited for a noise violation. Apparently they live in a "noise free zone". At our initial court date, three of the eleven of us pleaded guilty and recieved a $400 fine and 20 hours community service. I cannot afford that, nor can I travel to where I recieved the violation for the community service. I feel as though the noise is the tenants responsibility and I was silently asleep. The officer said he heard two things: the music and a man telling a story (a tenant). The second court date is coming up, do I have a defense? Any help would be greatly appreciated, I have court tomorrow, I am a poor teacher, I can't afford this!!!

Bad Relationship, Im Afraid Of Him? In the past my mate has,physically abused me, Im pregnant with our 2nd child, and I need to get out ASAP, I have my income tax money coming in a couple of weeks, and Im planning on moving with that money, but my question is- ..I will be moving the whole month of March, But how do i explain to him, where my things are? or why are my belongings disappearing? I need help with this move, like how much will a moving company usually cost, to move my things? and can they do it in one day! Where do I get Boxes from? etc.... p.s Please don't bother to tell me, to ask my family for help, these are the same people, who let me date this man, when i was 15, and he was 35...so seeking advice from them, is OUT I have to get out, Of his home, because he's threaten my life. he figures since i live here, rent free, everything should go his way....and i can't take it anymore please help thanks to everyone who answered this, I really appreciate your help

how can I advice my friend to stop with what she is doing? I have this friend infact my bestfriend she is only 18 and she is very younger than me and I just think that she is the ideal frind for me. Anyway during this past few days we did not see eachother because I was very angry at her coz of things that I heard about her and this guys that she dates. It is like this her mom and dad don't live together and she stays with her brothers and cousins her mom is merried to another man and the father has alot of other girls almost her age.She then blames her father for what she is today,in this past time she has had about 7 guys that she had slept with and they give her money for the sevice.She brakes my heart and I don't want to see her go away with life. What can I tell her to make her fell that she can be better then her father I love her as my one and only friend and I want to make her feel free to come and tell me if those things are bothering her again.PLEASE HELP!

I need advice on this..........please? I've been dating this incredible older man for a month. he's 12 years older than me, divorced with 4 kids and hadnt dated since a 3 year relationship that ended a year ago. We started dating, went to friends mode, then back to dating slowly 2 days latter. He says he wants to go slow and see where we are in 4 months or so. He says he doesnt want to get hurt, however he hasnt turned me down and told me he sees me as more than a friend. He is very busy, works weeks daytime and thurs-sunday nights and spends most of his free time with his kids.He took me out twice last week and before we went out once a week.Latley he had been calling daily and I would call him maybe everyother day or so.Yesterday I asked him if I would be seeing him that week and he doesnt know.Today he hasnt called, how can I tell if he's just busy or demoting me? I don't wanna be calling him and him answering or returning calls just to be polite. Would it be a bad thing if I initiate more phone calls?

if i keep dating him could it lead to a serious relationship? I have been dating this fun attractive man who has an amazing zest for life I would call him a free spirit or an opportunist. He has mentioned to me how important having his freedom is to him and how he enjoys being able to do what ever he pleases like swim or golf etc without answering to no one. I wonder if he will want a special lady in his life to love I would like to be her but he only asks me out on dates like to play golf or ride bikes go grab a drink and so forth I know he is dating other women but the more dates i go on with him the more I fall in love and desire more with him he is all i think about it makes it hard for me to date other men because they just don't add up to this guy I just need advice on what i should do from this point. Thanks so much for your advice :)

My GF is NeedY, Seeking a Womens advice!? I have been dating this girl for almost three years now, I am almost 21. I recently (last week) got laid off and I now have Free Time. She expects me to spend every waking moment with her, she is 20. She calls me every night before I go to bed to say g-night. She calls all the time when I am with friends. She is always begging for me to drive to go see her. I end up spending all week with her and if I am not able to see her the next day she totally freaks out. She constantly asks if I love her and begs to get married. She has been begging me to marry her since we started dating. I regularly receive texts that she could never love another man etc. I love her to death until she gets into her "mood" where she does the above listed things. Today for example, I have a dentist app at 11 the KU game is on at 12 she has to work at 2. (she lives 20 minutes away) She freaks out that I cannot spend time with her and how the game is more important than she is. This is rediculose the fact that she needs me to be there 24/7 or she doesnt get any sleep etc. This is whats been keeping me from making a commitment and she regularly begs me to make it but thats a whole other story. Women, is there any good advice or is the best solution to break up for a short time or permanently. In conclusion, She is not being an individual anymore and not letting me be one either. -altered quote Crystal, I think you are on to something. A little more information, She is living at home with her parents who make her pay all of her bills etc, she owns her own vehicle and isin the process of bidding on her own home. She did not have any friends until just recently. Now she is hanging out with her boss (friend) from work who happens to be a lesbian. She has not made any good decisions friends wise, in other words trouble, bad relationships etc. Crystal, hopefully this will allow you to pinpoint the problem if you have not already answered it. Thany you.

The Beginning of the Call? Just save it ? read it ? The Beginning of the Call -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This chapter will present a brief account of the life of the Messenger of Allah (Allah's blessings and peace be upon him and the people of his household) from the time of his call until his migration to Medina. It will indicate the time when he was commanded to fight, and will present some of the signs and miracles which were wrought at his hands during that period. It consists of eight sections. The Beginning Of His Call 'Ali ibn Ibrahim [al-Qummi, who is one of our most respected traditionists, related that when the Prophet was thirty-seven years of age, a person used to come to him in his dreams, addressing him and saying: "O Apostle of Allah ! ", but he used to ignore this. After a long time had passed, and as he was among the hills grazing the sheep of his uncle Abu Talib, he saw and heard a person addressing him: "O Messenger of Allah ! " He asked: "Who are you?" "I am Gabriel", the person answered; "Allah has sent me to you so that He may take you for a messenger." The Messenger of Allah told Khadijah of what happened. Khadijah had already been informed of the accounts of the Jews and Bahira', and what Muhammad's mother Aminah had also recounted. Thus, she answered: "O Muhammad, I do hope that it is true!" The Prophet used to hide all this, until one day Gabriel came to him with heavenly water and said: "O Muhammad, rise and perform your ablutions for prayers! " Gabriel taught him the ablutions - washing the face and the two hands from the elbows down, rubbing the head and the two feet to the two heels. He also taught him prostration (sujud) and kneeling (ruku'). When the Prophet attained his fortieth year, Gabriel commanded him to perform the prayers and taught him their rites, except their prescribed times. The Messenger of Allah used to pray two rak`ahs every time he prayed. 'Ali ibn Abi Talib was very much attached to the Prophet, accompanying him wherever he went. One day he saw him praying. He asked: "O Abu 'l-Qasim, what is this that you are doing?" The Prophet answered: "It is the prayer which Allah commanded me to perform." He then called 'Ali to Islam; he accepted, and used to pray with him. Khadijah also entered into Islam. Thus at that time only the Messenger of Allah, 'Ali and Khadijah used to pray. After a few days, Abu Talib came in to see the Messenger of Allah, accompanied by Ja'far (the Prophet's cousin). He saw the Prophet and `Ali standing beside him in prayer. Abu Talib said to Ja'far, "Stand by the side of your cousin." As he stood at the other side of the Prophet, the Messenger of Allah stepped forward and stood in front of the two men (as prayer leader). Seeing them, Abu Talib recited the following verses: In truth, Ali and Ja`far are my trust, In times of hardship and sorrow. By Allah, I shall never abandon the Prophet, Nor would any of my sons of high birth abandon him - Do not abandon, but rather support your cousin, The son of my brother from my mother as well as my father. Al-Qummi related further that the Prophet used to trade for Khadijah before he married her. When he was working for her, she sent him with a caravan belonging to the people of Quraysh to Syria. He was accompanied by a servant of hers called Maysarah. They encamped one day beneath a hermitage belonging to one of the monks living in the area. The monk came down from his cell and looked intently at the Messenger of Allah. He then asked: "Who is this man?" The people answered: "He is the son of `Abdu'l-Muttalib." The monk retorted: "His father could not be alive." Then looking at his eyes and between his shoulders, he exclaimed: "This is the Prophet of the people! This is the Prophet sent with the sword!" When Maysarah returned, he told Khadijah what happened and what had convinced her to offer herself to the Prophet in marriage. Khadijah gained a thousand dinars from that caravan. One day the Prophet went into a market of the Arabs where he saw Zayd [ibn al-Harithah]. Zayd was a smart youth; the Prophet thus bought him for Khadijah. When, however, the Prophet married her, she gave him Zayd as a gift. When the Messenger of Allah received the call to Prophethood, and 'Ali accepted Islam, Zayd also became a Muslim after him. Thus `Ali, Ja'far, Zayd and Khadijah used to pray behind the Messenger of Allah. Ash-Shaykh Abu Bakr Ahmad ibn al-Hasan al-Bayhaqi reported in his book Dala'ilu'n-Nubuwwah on the authority of `Ali, who said: "We were with the Messenger of Allah in Mecca when he went out into its suburbs. He did not pass by a tree or mountain but that it met him with the greeting `Peace be upon you O Apostle of Allah.' " [31] It is reported that 'Ali said: "I remember when I used to go with the Prophet into the valley, how he did not pass by a stone or tree but that it exclaimed, `Peace be upon you O Apostle of Allah', while I stood and listened." A man called `Afif [al-Kindi] related that, "I was a merchant; I came to Mina one day during the hajj (pilgrimage) season. al-`Abbas ibn `Abdi'l-Muttalib was also a merchant. I therefore came to trade with him.. As we were thus occupied, a man came out of a tent to pray: He faced the Ka'bah, and soon a woman came out and likewise stood in prayer. A youth also came out to pray with them. I exclaimed, `O `Abbas, what is this religion? We do not know what this religion is.' He answered, `This is Muhammad ibn `Abdillah, who claims that Allah called him to be a messenger, and that the treasures of Kisra (Khusraw, the Sasanid Persian Emperor) and Qaysar (Caesar, the Byzantine Emperor) will be opened for him. This is his wife Khadijah, daughter of Khuwaylid, who has believed in him. The youth is his cousin 'Ali ibn Abi Talib, who also believed in him.' " `Afif then concluded: "Would that I had believed in him on that day so that I would have been the second man to follow him." Ibn Ishaq reported that when the Prophet came out of the tent he looked at the sky, and when he saw the sun had inclined, he rose up to pray. Ibn Ishaq also mentioned Khadijah's standing in prayer behind him. It is related on the authority of Mujahid ibn Jabr ( a well-known Qur'an interpreter and traditionist), who said: "Among the favors which Allah bestowed upon 'Ali ibn Abi Talib and the great good He willed for him, was this: The people of Quraysh suffered a great shortage of food. Abu Talib had many children. Thus the Messenger of Allah said one day to his uncle `Abbas, who was one of the wealthiest men among the sons of Hashim, `O `Abbas, your brother Abu Talib is a man with many children, and you can see for yourself how people are suffering as a result of this crisis. Come let us go and relieve him and his children.' They thus went to him and discussed the matter. He answered: `Leave `Aqil (a brother of 'Ali) .and take whomever you wish.' The Messenger of Allah took . 'Ali into his home, and `Ali remained with the Messenger of Allah until Allah called him to be a prophet. `Ali then followed him, believed in him and assented to him." 'Ali ibn Ibrahim [al-Qummi] related that three years after this, Allah revealed to the Apostle of Allah: Declare openly what you have been commanded and be not concerned with the Associators [Quran S : 94] . The Messenger of Allah therefore went out, stood up at al-Hijr [that space which encompasses the Ka'bah on the north] and proclaimed: "O people of Quraysh and you Arab people, I call you all to the worship of Allah alone, and call you to reject all partners with Him, and all idols. I call you all to bear witness that there is no god but Allah and that I am the Messenger of Allah. Heed my call that you may through it have dominion over all the Arabs. Through it also would non-Arabs submit to your authority. Through it you would be kings in Paradise." But they mocked and laughed at him, exclaiming: "Muhammad son of `Abdullah has gone mad!" They caused him much hurt with their tongues. Abu Talib asked: "O son of my brother, what is this?" He answered: "Uncle, this is Allah's religion which He chose for His angels and prophets. It is the religion of Abraham and the prophets after him. Allah has sent me also as a messenger to humankind." Abu Talib said: "O son of my brother, surely your people will not accept this from you! Desist, therefore, from proclaiming it to them." "I shall not do so", the Prophet answered, "because Allah has commanded me to call (people to Islam)." Thus, Abu Talib left him alone. The Messenger of Allah intensified his effort in calling the people and warning them at all times. Those among the People of the Book who heard the news accepted Islam. When, however, the people of Quraysh saw people entering Islam, they were alarmed. They thus went to Abu Talib and demanded: "Restrain your nephew from us, for he has declared our mind to be foolish, and has insulted our gods! He has corrupted our youths, and has dissolved our unity!" Abu Talib then called him and said: "O my brother's son, the people have come to me asking that you desist from insulting their gods." The Prophet answered: "O uncle, I cannot disobey the command of my Lord." Thus he used to call them and warn them of the impending divine punishment. The people of Quraysh gathered in assembly and enquired: "To what does Muhammad call us?" He answered: "I call you to bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and to reject all associates with Him." They protested: "Shall we then abandon three hundred and sixty gods and worship only one God?" Thus Allah mentions in the Qur'an their saying: They marvel that a warner from among them came to them, and the rejecters of faith said, "He is a magician, a liar. Does he wish to render all gods one? This, indeed is a strange thing". . ., and so on to His saying, No! But they have not yet tasted the torment [Qur'an 38: 4 - 8] . The people then came together to Abu Talib and said: "O Abu Talib, if poverty is the cause of your nephew's action, then we will gather so much wealth for him that he would be the wealthiest man of Quraysh." Abu Talib called him and informed him of their offer. The Messenger of Allah, however, said: "Uncle, I have no need of wealth! Heed my call, so that you may be kings in this world and in the world to come! Then will both Arabs and non-Arabs submit to your authority." They dispersed, but soon returned to Abu Talib and said: "O Abu Talib, you are one of our foremost notables! You see that your nephew has declared us to be of foolish mind. He has cursed our gods and dissolve our unity! Let us give you `Umarah ibn al-Walid, the most handsome and bright youth of Quraysh, the freshest youth and the noblest of lineage to be your son - on condition that you turn over Muhammad to us that we may kill him." He answered: "You have not dealt justly with me! Would you give me your son that I may bring him up, and yet take my son to kill him?" Finally, despairing of convincing him, they desisted. Al-Hafiz (al-Bayhaqi) related in his book Dala'ilu'n-Nubuwwah on the authority of Ibrahim ibn Muhammad ibn Talhah, that Talhah ibn `Ubaydillah said: "I was present one day at the market of Busra, where I heard a monk who lived in a cell say: `Enquire of the people of this fair if there is anyone among them of the people of the Sanctuary (that is, Mecca).' I replied: `Yes, I am.' He asked: `Has Ahmad come forth yet?' `Who is Ahmad?' I asked. He replied: `The son of `Abdullah ibn `Abdi 'l-Muttalib. This is the month in which he should come forth. He is the last of the prophets. The place of his appearance is the Sanctuary, and that of his migration is a place of date-palms and black stones (that is, Medina). Beware lest anyone accept him before you do.' " Talhah continued: "I kept what he said in my heart, and .hastened to Mecca. I enquired if anything unusual had happened, and was told that, 'Muhammad ibn `Abdillah al-Amin has declared himself a prophet. Ibn Abi Quhafah (that is, Abu Bakr) has followed him.' I thus went to Abu Bakr and said: `Have you really become a follower of this man?' `Yes', he answered. `You too go to him and follow him, for he invites men to the truth.' " Talhah then told Abu Bakr what the monk had said. Abu. Bakr took Talhah to the Apostle of Allah, whereupon Talhah became a Muslim. He told the Messenger of Allah what the monk had said, which gladdened the Apostle of Allah. [32] When both Abu Bakr and Talhah had accepted Islam, a man called Nawfal ibn Khuwaylid ibn al-`Adawiyyah took them and tied them together with one rope. The people of Taym (the tribe to which Abu Bakr belonged) did not protect them. Nawfal ibn Khuwaylid was known as the harshest man of the Quraysh. The Quraysh Admit The Miraculous Qualities Of The Qur'an The Messenger of Allah never ceased to insult the gods of the Associators, nor did he cease reciting the Qur'an to them. But they used to say: "This is only the poetry of Muhammad." Some of them also said: "It is rather oratory discourse." There was an old man called al-Walid ibn al-Mughirah who was a judge among the Arabs, whom they brought difficult cases. They likewise used to recite their poems to him in order that he might judge among them. Whatever he judged to be good, that was chosen by all. He had many sons, who never left Mecca. He also possessed ten slaves, every one of whom had one thousand dinars to use as capital in trade. At that time he alone owned a qintar, [the skin of a bull filled with gold]. al-Walid was one of those who mocked the Messenger of Allah and he was the uncle of Abu Jahl ibn Hisham. The people went to al-Walid and asked: "O Abu `Abd ash-Shams, what is this which Muhammad is uttering? Is it magic, soothsaying, or oratory?" He replied: "Let me hear his words." He thus came to the Messenger of Allah while he was sitting in the Ka'bah and said: "O Muhammad, recite for me some of your poetry! " He answered: "It is not poetry, but rather the word of Allah, with which He sent His prophets and apostles." al-Walid insisted: "Recite some of it to me." The Messenger of Allah then recited: "In the name of Allah, the All-merciful, the Compassionate. " When al-Walid heard the name ar-Rahman (the All-merciful), he mockingly said: "Do you call us to follow a man of Yamamah who is called ar-Rahman?" The Prophet answered: "No, rather I call men to Allah, Who is the All-merciful, the Compassionate." He then recited the beginning of "Ha mim: as-Sajdah ", (Surah 41) until he reached verse (13) But if they turn back, say: "I have warned you of a great catastrophe like the catastrophe of Ad and Thamud. " When al-Walid heard this, he trembled and every hair on his head and in his beard stood on end. He then rose and went to his home, and did not return to the people of Quraysh. The people said to Abu Jahl, "O Abu 'l-Hakam, (that is, al-Walid) has abandoned his religion for the religion of Muhammad! Do you not see that he has not returned to us? He must have, therefore, accepted his claim and gone to his home." The people of Quraysh became exceedingly saddened by this. Abu Jahl went to al-Walid the next day and said: "O uncle, you have brought low our heads and disgraced us!" He answered: "How have I done that, O son of my brother?" "Have you turned to the religion of Muhammad?" he asked. "No", answered al-Walid, "I did not do so. Rather, I stand by the religion of my people and my forefathers. I have, however, heard great words which cause skins to shudder." Abu Jahl asked: "Is it poetry?" "No, it is not poetry", answered his uncle. Abu Jahl asked further: "Is it oratory discourse?" al-Walid answered: "No, for oratory discourse is of connected rhymed prose; yet this is free prose whose different parts do not resemble one another. It is possessed of great beauty." Abu Jahl insisted: "So it is oratory." "No", answered his uncle. Abu Jahl asked: "What is it then?" al-Walid said: "Let me think about it for a while." The next day, the people asked al-Walid: "O Abu `Abd ash-Shams, what do you say?" He answered: "Say it is magic, for it has truly attracted the hearts of the people." Thus, Allah sent down concerning him in the Qur'an - Leave me to deal with him whom I have alone created, and whom I have granted great wealth and sons, constantly present with him . . . and so on to Allah's saying: Over it (that is, Hell) stand nineteen (angels) [Qur.74:11-30]. In a tradition related by Hammad ibn Zayd on the authority of `Ikrimah (a slave and pupil of Ibn `Abb5s and a well-known traditionist), he reported that al-Walid ibn al-Mughirah came to the Messenger of Allah and asked him to recite some verses of the Qur'an. He recited: "Allah surely commands justice and doing good, and giving (of one's wealth) to near relatives. He likewise forbids lewdness, indecency and insolence. He thus admonishes you, that perhaps you may remember" [Qur'an. 16:90] . al-Walid said: "Recite the verse once more!" He did, and al-Walid exclaimed: "By Allah, it indeed is possessed of great sweetness and adorned with great beauty. Its top is indeed fruitful, and its bottom is like a palm-tree laden with fruits! Nor can any mortal utter such speech." How Allah Protected Muhammad Against The Mockers It is related that those who mocked the Messenger of Allah were five: al-Walid ibn al-Mughirah, al-`As ibn Wail as-Sahmi, al-Aswad ibn al-Muttalib, who was also known as Abu Zama'ah, al-Aswad ibn `Abd Yaghuth of the tribe of Zuhrah and al-Harith ibn at-Tulatilah al-Khuza`i. It is said that al-Walid ibn al-Mughirah passed one day by the Messenger of Allah, while the angel Gabriel was with him. Gabriel addressed the Prophet, saying: "Here comes al-Walid ibn al-Mughirah, who is one of the mockers." "Yes", he answered. Then al-Walid passed by a man of the tribe of Khuza'ah, sharpening his arrows at the door of the mosque. He accidentally stepped on some of them, a silver went into the bottom of his foot, and blood gushed out. Gabriel pointed to that spot, and blood continued to flow until it stained the bed of his daughter. Frightened, the girl cried out: "O maid, the mouth of the water skin has come untied! " "This is not the water of the water skin", said al-Walid, "it is the blood of your father. Call together for me my sons and the sons of my brother, for I am about to die." When they all gathered, he made his will, and immediately breathed his last. Al-Aswad ibn al-Muttalib passed one day by the Messenger of Allah. Gabriel pointed to his eyes and he became blind, and soon after died. al-Aswad ibn `Abd Yaghuth also passed by the Prophet one day; Gabriel pointed to his stomach, and he drank so much water that his belly swelled until it burst. al-`As ibn Wail passed also by the Prophet, and Gabriel pointed to his foot. Soon a splinter went into the bottom of his foot and came out of the top. His foot swelled up, and soon he died. at-Tulatilah passed by the Prophet, and Gabriel spat in his face. The man then went out into the Tihamah mountains (in the vicinity of Mecca), where he was hit by a burning sand storm. He was burnt and turned black. When he returned home. his family would not let him in, saying, "You are not of this family." He went away and was afflicted with great thirst. He thus drank until his stomach burst, and he died. All this happened in fulfilment of Allah's saying: We have surely protected you against the mockers [Qur'an. 15:95]. The Migration To Abyssinia And An-Naiashi's Assent To Muhammad's Prophethood When the people of Quraysh intensified their harsh treatment of the Messenger of Allah and his Companions, he ordered some of his Companions to migrate to Abyssinia. He delegated Ja'far son of Abu Talib to take charge of them, and he set out with seventy men until they took to sea. When the people of Quraysh knew of their departure, they sent `Amr ibn al-`As as-Sahmi and `Umarah ibn al-Walid to an-Najashi (Negus) .of Abyssinia, requesting him to return the men to the people of Quraysh. They were also instructed to tell the King that these men had gone against the wishes and traditions of their people. `Umarah was a handsome and wealthy man. `Amr ibn al`As set out with his wife. When they boarded the ship, they became intoxicated with wine. `Umarah then said to `Amr ibn al-`As : "Tell your wife to kiss me!" The latter answered: "Glorified be Allah! Is this possible?" `Umarah waited until `Amr got drunk, then he pushed him overboard. `Amr was on the edge of the ship; thus he held on to the edge, and people rushed to his rescue. When `Amr saw what `Umarah had done to him, he said to his wife, "Kiss him! ", which she did. When they reached Abyssinia, they went straight to an-Najashi bearing presents for him. `Amr addressed him saying: "O King, these people have gone against our religion and sought refuge with you. Return them, therefore, to us! " The King sent for Ja'far and said to him: "These men are requesting that I return you all to them." He answered: "O King, ask them, are we their slaves?" "No", answered `Amr, "rather they are free and noble men." "Ask them," Ja'far continued, "do we then owe them debts which they have come to claim from us?" `Amr answered: "They owe us no debts which we have come to claim." Ja'far continued: "Have they come then to avenge any blood of theirs that we had wrongfully shed?" `Amr answered: "They have shed no blood for which we come to exact vengeance or blood money." Ja'far asked: "What then do you want from us?" `Amr said: "They have opposed us in our religion and the religion of our forefathers and insulted our gods. They have corrupted our youths and spread dissension among us. Return them to us, therefore, that our unity might be restored." Ja'far then addressed the King saying: "O King, we have opposed them in order to follow a prophet whom Allah has raised among us. He commands us to repudiate equals to Allah, and that we abandon chance games by means of arrows. He enjoins prayers and almsgiving upon us. He has prohibited wrongdoing, oppression and the unlawful shedding of blood. He has prohibited adultery, usury, and eating the flesh of dead animals which have not been properly slaughtered, as well as eating blood. He has enjoined decency and good works upon us, and that we show kindness to near relatives. He forbids grave immorality, indecency and insolence." The King said: "It is with such (teachings) that Allah also sent Jesus son of Mary! " Then addressing Ja`far, he continued: "Do you know by heart any of the revelations which Allah sent down to your prophet?" "Yes", he answered. "Recite then! " the King demanded. Ja'far recited the Surah of Maryam (Surah 19). When he reached the words - Shake down towards you the branch of the palm-tree, and it shall drop down before you ripened dates ready to be picked. Eat and drink, therefore, and be of good cheer [Qur'an. 19 : 25 - 26 ] - an-Najashi wept and exclaimed: "By Allah this is the truth!" `Amr protested: "O King, this man has abandoned our religion; give him to us that we may take him back to our country! " an-Najashi lifted his hand and slapped him saying: "If you utter any evil against him, I will kill you!" `Amr finally said: "O King, if this is what you say, then we shall not interfere with him." A young maid stood by an-Najashi keeping flies away from him. She kept her eyes on `Umarah ibn al-Walid, as he was a handsome young man. When they went to their lodgings, `Amr said to him: "Why do you not send a message to the King's maid?" `Umarah sent a message to her, and she answered him. `Amr said: "Tell her to bring you with her some of the King's perfumes. She did so, and `Amr ibn al`As took the perfume. He had kept in his heart what `Umarah had done to him when he attempted to throw him overboard. Thus, he took the perfume and went to an-Najashi, and said to him: "O King, it is fitting that we take cognition of the King's honour and magnanimity toward us, and that we do not betray him in his own realm. Yet, my companion who is with me has sent messages to your maid and tempted her. She even brought him some of your perfumes." He then showed the King the perfume. an-Najashi was exceedingly angry and was about to kill `Umarah. But he changed his mind and said: "It is not right that I kill him, for they entered our realm under a pledge of protection." He thus called his magicians and said to them: "Do something to him that would be worse than death! " They took him and injected mercury into his generative organ. He lost his mind, so that he lived with the wild beasts and shunned human company. [33] The people of Quraysh sent men to bring `Umarah back home. The men lay in wait for him until he came with wild beasts to drink at a spring. Thus they caught him, but he continued to struggle and scream in their hands until he expired. `Amr, however, returned to the people of Quraysh and recounted to them his story. As for Ja'far, he remained in Abyssinia enjoying the best of hospitality and honour. He remained there until he heard that the Messenger of Allah had established a truce with the people of Quraysh and that peace had prevailed between them and the Muslims. He then returned with a large company of people. He arrived to find that the Messenger of Allah had conquered Khaybar (a Jewish settlement near Medina). A son was born to Ja'far by Asma', daughter of `Umays. an-Najashi also had a son, whom he called Muhammad. Asma' gave an-Najashi's son of her own milk to drink (thus making him a nursing brother of her own son). Abu Talib recited these verses urging an-Najashi to support the Prophet and his followers: Know, O King of the Ethiopians, that Muhammad is a prophet like Moses and Jesus son of Mary. He came with guidance such as they brought, for each of them was by Allah's command well -protected. Concerning him, you recite verses in your own scriptures; a true account it is, not a fantastic tale. Do not, therefore, set up equals with Allah; rather become Muslims, for the way of truth is not obscured in darkness. The traditionist Abu `Abdillah (al-Bayhaqi) transmitted on the authority of Muhammad ibn Ishaq that the Messenger of Allah sent `Amr ibn Umayyah ad-Damri to an-Najashi regarding Ja'far ibn Abi Talib and his Companions. He sent a letter with him which read thus: "In the name of Allah, the All-merciful, the Compassionate - From Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah to the Negus, the King of Abyssinia - I convey to you the praises of Allah the King, the Holy, the Accepter of Faith, the Guardian [Qur.59:23]. I furthermore bear witness that Jesus son of Mary is the Spirit of Allah and His Word, which He sent down to Mary [Qur'an. 4 : 171) , the pure and chaste virgin who then conceived Jesus, whom Allah created of His Spirit which he breathed into him -just as he created Adam with His Hand and breathed of His Spirit into him. I thus call you to the worship of the One and only Allah alone Who has no associate, and that you obey Him, follow me and believe in me and the message which was vouchsafed me. For I indeed am the Messenger of Allah. I have, moreover, sent to you my cousin Ja'far with a company of the Muslims. When they come to you, show hospitality to them and do not be arrogant. I call you and your hosts to Allah! I have conveyed my message to you and given good counsel. Peace be with those who follow true guidance." An-Najashi wrote in answer to the Messenger of Allah: "In the name of Allah, the All-merciful, the Compassionate - to Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah - from the Negus al-Ashamah ibn Abhar: peace be upon you O Prophet of Allah and Allah's mercy and blessings - there is no god but He Who guided me to Islam. I have received your letter, O Messenger of Allah, concerning the importance you give in the case of Jesus. By the Lord of the heaven and earth, Jesus does not exceed what you have mentioned concerning him. We acknowledge what you have written to us, and have thus shown hospitality to your cousin and Companions. I bear witness that you are the Messenger of Allah truly and that you tell the truth. I have, therefore, given allegiance (bay `ah) to you and your cousin. I have accepted Islam to Allah, the Lord of all beings at his hands. I have sent to you, O Messenger of Allah, Arijan ibn Ashamah ibn Abhar, I have-indeed no authority except over myself alone. If, therefore, you wish that I come to you, I would come, O Messenger of Allah. For I bear witness that what you say is the truth." An-Najashi then sent presents to the Prophet. He sent him also Mariyah the Copt, the mother of the Prophet's son Ibrahim. He sent him much clothing and aromatics, and a mare. He also sent him thirty learned men to hear his words and observe his conduct. When they arrived in Medina, the Messenger of Allah called them to. Islam, and they accepted Islam and returned to the Negus. Jabir ibn `Abdillah al-Ansari reported that, "When an-Najashi died, the Messenger of Allah prayed over Ashamah, the Negus." The Prophet Is Persecuted By The Associators And Hamzah Accepts Islam The people of Quraysh redoubled their efforts in troubling the Messenger of Allah. The harshest of men toward him was his uncle Abu Lahab. One day the Prophet was sitting in the precincts of the Ka'bah, when the people sent for a birth sack of a sheep and threw it at him.[ According to al-Jazari, the well-known lexicographer and traditionist, this happened while the Prophet was praying. (ed. )] The Messenger of Allah was greatly saddened by this, and went to Abu Talib to complain, saying: "O uncle, how is my status among you?" Abu Talib asked: "What is the matter O son of my brother?" He replied: "The people of Quraysh threw a birth sack at me." Abu Talib then said to Hamzah: "Take up the sword!" The people of Quraysh were assembled in the Mosque. Both Hamzah and Abu Talib went in with their swords. Abu Talib ordered Hamzah, saying: "Rub the birth sack over their moustaches, and if anyone resists, cut off his head!" But no one moved while he rubbed the birth sack over their moustaches.. He then turned to the Messenger of Allah, and said: "O son of my brother, this is your status among us!" In the book Dala'ilu'n-Nubuwwah (of al-Bayhaqi) [34], it is reported on the authority of Abu Dawud who reported from Shu'bah who reported from Abu Ishaq (as-Sabi`i), who heard `Amr ibn Maymun relate on the authority of `Abdullah (ibn Mas'ud), who said: "While the Messenger of Allah was prostrating in prayer one day, with some men of Quraysh sitting all around him, and the birth sack of a she-camel lying around, some dared others men saying: `Who would take this birth sack and throw it at his back?' A man called `Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayt took up the birth sack and threw it at the Prophet's back. Fatimah (the Prophet's daughter) came and took the camel's birth sack off the Prophet's back, and cursed those who did that to him." `Abdullah continued: "I never saw the Messenger of Allah invoke Allah against them except on that day. He said: "O Allah, I leave to you the people of Quraysh! O Allah to you do I leave Abu Jahl ibn Hisham, `Utbah ibn Rabi `ah, Shaybah ibn Rabi `ah, `Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayt, Umayyah ibn Khalaf or Ubayy ibn Khalaf (Shu'bah was confused). The Prophet enumerated seven men in all." `Abdullah went on: "I saw them all slain in the Battle of Badr and thrown into a well. Umayyah ibn Khalaf, however, was a very fat man. His body disintegrated as it was dragged along before reaching the well.' " [35] It is related on the authority of Khabbab (a well-known Companion), who said: "I came one day to the Messenger of Allah, while he lay in the shade of the Ka` bah using his mantle as a pillow. We had endured much suffering at the hands of the people of Quraysh. Thus I asked: `O Messenger of Allah, would you not invoke Allah on our behalf?' He sat up, red in the safe, and said: `Those who were before you -often were their flesh and nerves scraped with sharp iron combs. Yet they did not turn away from their faith. A man would be sawed in half from his head down, yet he would not be turned away from his faith. But Allah shall indeed bring this affair to fruition, so that a horseman would travel all the way between San'a and Hadramawt fearing no one but Allah, or the wolf that may attack his sheep.' " [36] It is also related on the authority of Jabir (son of the famous Companion, `Abdullah al-Ansari) that the Messenger of Allah passed one day by `Ammar ibn Yasir and his family while they were being tortured for Allah's sake. He said: "Be of good cheer, O family of `Ammar, for you shall soon enter Paradise! " It is reported on the authority of Mujahid [ ibn Jabr] (a well-known traditionist of the second generation) that the first martyr in Islam was Sumayyah, the mother of `Ammar, whom Abu Jahl stabbed in the heart. 'Ali ibn Ibrahim al-Qummi reported that Abu Jahl met the Messenger of Allah one day and spoke harsh words to him. All the men of the Hashimite clan angrily assembled. Hamzah had just returned from hunting, when he saw the crowd and enquired about the commotion. A woman called down to him from one of the roof-tops saying: "O Abu Ya'la, `Amr ibn Hisham (i.e., Abu Jahl) confronted Muhammad and insulted him." Hamzah enraged, went to Abu Jahl hit him with his bow on the head and picked him up and beat him hard against the ground. People crowded around them, and it was feared that great conflict might ensue. People then asked Hamzah: "O Abu Ya'la, have you then turned to the religion of your nephew?" "Yes", he answered: "I bear witness that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is the Apostle of Allah." He said this only as a result of anger and feeling of support for his nephew. When, however, he returned to his home, he regretted his decision. Thus he went to the Messenger of Allah and asked: "O son of my brother, is what you say the truth?" The Messenger of Allah recited to him a Surah of the Qur'an, and Hamzah saw the truth and stood firm in the faith of Islam. The Messenger of Allah was exceedingly happy. Abu Talib also was glad to learn of Hamzah's Islam, and recited the following verses: Be steadfast, O Abu Ya`la in the faith of Ahmad; Show forth your faith; may you be strengthened in your resolve! Follow the footsteps of him who came with true' faith from his Lord; Do not, O Hamzah, be a rejecter of faith! It made me glad when you said that you are a man of faith; Be then a true supporter of the Messenger of Allah in Allah's cause. Call openly the people of Quraysh to that which you yourself have been given; Proclaim to them that Ahmad is indeed not a magician! The Prophet's Night Journey To Jerusalem And His Hiding In A Ravine Belonging To Abu Talib The Messenger of Allah was transported by Allah from Mecca to Jerusalem, (see Qur'an. 17 :1) . Gabriel carried him thither on al-Buraq (a celestial horse), and showed him the prayer chambers of the prophets before him. After the Prophet had led them all in prayer, Gabriel brought him back to Mecca. On his way back, the Prophet passed by a caravan belonging to the people of Quraysh. They had with them water in a vessel, from which he drank, and poured out the rest. They also lost one of their camels and went out in search of it. Next morning Muhammad recounted to the people of Quraysh: "Allah transported me by night to Jerusalem where He showed me the signs and stations of the prophets. I have also passed by a caravan in such and such a place, where they lost one of their camels. I drank from a vessel of water which they had, and poured out the rest of the water." Abu Jahl said: "You have now an opportune moment; ask him, therefore, how many columns and lamps are in Jerusalem! " They thus said to him: "O Muhammad, here is someone who has been to Jerusalem! " Describe for us its columns, lamps, and prayer chambers! " Gabriel came and suspended an image of Jerusalem before the Prophet's eyes, and he told them whatever they wished to know about the holy city. When he had informed them, they said: "Let us wait until the caravan returns and we question the people about what you have told us:" "The sign of the truth of what I have said is that the caravan will appear at sunrise led by a red camel carrying two white sacks", the Prophet said. Next morning, they went out looking towards the hill outside the city and saying: "The sun shall soon rise." As they were thus wondering, the caravan appeared, led by a red camel, just as the disk of the sun was becoming visible. They asked the men with the caravan about the things which the Messenger of Allah had told them. The men answered: "It is true, it was as he said. We lost a camel in such and such a place; we left water by night, but when we woke up next morning, the water was all poured out." Yet, all this only increased the people of Quraysh in their stubbornness. They then all gathered in their assembly hall and prepared a written pledge neither to share food with the sons of Hashim, nor to speak to them. Nor would they transact any trade with them, or intermarry with them. They would not even socialize with them in any way, until they turned Muhammad over to them that they might kill him. They agreed to be as one hand against Muhammad, either to assassinate him, or kill him openly. When Abu Talib learned of all this, he gathered the sons of Hashim, forty men in all, and went into a secret ravine. Abu Talib swore to them by the Ka'bah, the haram, the rukn and the station (maqam of Abraham) that if even a thorn was to prick Muhammad, "I will steadfastly fight against you all, 0 sons of Hashim." Abu Talib fortified the ravine and set up guards over it night and day. At night he kept guard himself with his sword, while the Messenger of Allah slept. Then he had him get up and sleep in another spot, guarded by his own sons and the sons of his brother. They watched over the Prophet during the day as well. In the end, they endured much hardship. Thus it was that no one of the Arabs entering Mecca dared buy from or sell anything to the family of Hashim, for fear that his wealth would be seized. To that end, Abu Jahl, al-`As ibn Wail as-Sahmi, an-Nadr ibn al-Harith ibn Kaladah and `Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayt used to go out to the roads leading to Mecca, and anyone they saw carrying goods, they forbade to trade with the sons of Hashim. Otherwise they threatened to seize his wealth. Khadijah, however, had much wealth, which she spent in caring for the Messenger of Allah while he was in the ravine. Mut'im ibn `Adiyy ibn Nawfal ibn `Abdi'lMuttalib refused to sign the pledge, saying: "This is wrongdoing." The document was, nonetheless, sealed with forty seals, representing all the notables of Quraysh. They then hung it in the Ka'bah. Abu Lahab also concurred with them in this action. During the special seasons (when fighting was banned), the Messenger of Allah would go around the Arab tribes and plead with them: "If you would protect me, I would recite to you the Book of my Lord, and your reward with Allah shall be Paradise." Abu Lahab would follow close behind him and say: "Do not accept his offer! He is my brother's son. He is a magician and a liar." Thus it went on, and the sons of Hashim remained in the ravine for four years, having no security except during special seasons, nor could they buy or sell anything except during these seasons. There were two seasons held in Mecca every year: that of the `umrah (lesser pilgrimage) during Rajab, and the pilgrimage season in Dhi'l-Hijjah (the 7th and 12th months respectively). Hence, only when either of these two special seasons come did the sons of Hashim leave their ravine to buy and sell. Then no one of them dared venture out till the next season. They therefore suffered much hardship and hunger. The people of Quraysh sent a message to Abu Talib, saying: "Turn Muhammad over to us that we may kill him; then we would make you king over us." In response, Abu Talib recited a long poem, in which he says: When I saw that these people had no love, having cut off all ties and means of friendship; (I said): Do you not know that we do not regard our son as a liar, Nor does he utter vain words. Pure is he, that for the sake of his face prayers for rain are answered; Generous towards orphans is he, and a protection for widows. The errant of the clan of Hashim crowd around him; For with him they find bounty and generous gifts. You lie, by Allah's house! We shall never abandon Muhammad; Rather we shall wield the sword and strive to protect him. We shall never betray him, until we fall slain before him; For his sake we shall neglect our sons and wives. By my life! I have been charged with great affection for Ahmad! I loved him with the love of a faithful lover. I have sacrificed willingly my soul for him and protected him; I have defended him with all that is precious, Even the bones of my breast! He remains an object of beauty in this world for its inhabitants; A harsh match to anyone showing enmity toward him is he, and the ornament of every assembly. He is clement, wise, unwavering and not foolish; Friend of the Lord of Truth, never indulging in vain disputation. Thus the Lord of human servants has strengthened him with His victory; He caused a religion to prevail whose truth knows no falsehood. When they heard this poem, they despaired of convincing Abu Talib. Abu 'l-`As ibn Rabi', who was the Messenger of Allah's son-in-law, used to bring by night camels laden with wheat and dates to the entrance of the ravine and call out loudly to them, so that they would rush in, and the sons of Hashim would have provisions. The Messenger of Allah used to say: "Abu 'l-`As has established a tie of marriage with us and has honoured well this marriage relation. He brought laden camels to us when we were besieged and delivered them to our ravine by night." When the Messenger of Allah had spent four years in the ravine, Allah sent against the hostile document of the Quraysh an earthworm which licked clean all words of unkindness to next of kin, and all wrongdoing and oppression. It only spared the name of Allah. Gabriel came down to the Messenger of Allah and told him about it. The Messenger of Allah then told Abu Talib, who went to the men of Quraysh as they assembled in the mosque. When they saw him they said: "Abu Talib has finally given in; he has now come to turn his nephew in." He drew near and greeted them with the salutation of peace. They all rose up and received him with deference. They then said: "O Abu Talib, we know that you wish our friendship and return to our society! You will turn your nephew over to us." He answered: "No, by Allah, it is not for this that I have come to you. Rather my nephew tells me - and he utters no lies - that Allah has told him that He sent an earthworm against your hostile document, which ate every word of unkindness to next of kin, of wrongdoing and oppression. It only spared the name of Allah. Bring your document, and if what he says is true, then fear Allah and abandon your wrongdoing, oppression and unkindness toward blood relations. If, on the other hand, what he says is false, I will turn him over to you. If you wish, you may kill him, or if you wish you may spare his life." They brought the document down from the Ka'bah, still bearing forty seals. When it was brought before them, every man saw his seal. When, however, they .opened it, they found no letters except the phrase: `in your name, O Allah.' Abu Talib then pleaded with them saying: "O people, fear Allah and desist from what you are doing! " But the people dispersed, and no one spoke a word. Abu Talib then returned to the ravine and recited his poem rhyming with the letter `b' and which begins as follows: Who shall endure standing on guard till night's end, Or the retreat which your divided people have decreed. In the document there was indeed a lesson; Anyone knowing about it would surely marvel. Allah had Himself erased from it their rejection of faith and insolence, As well as their hostility toward him who proclaimed the truth openly. Thus what they said came to nought, For anyone inventing falsehood only tells lies. Yet the son of Abdullah has been truthful among us, in spite of our people's wrath. Do not think that we shall betray Muhammad; For neither our honour nor fidelity would permit it! A strong Hashimite hand shall protect him; He whose deeds among men are the best of deeds. Then some of the sons of `Abd Manaf and the sons of Qusayy, as well as other men of Quraysh who were born to women of the sons of Hashim - among whom was Mut'im ibn `Adiyy ibn `Amir ibn Lu'ayy, an old man of great wealth and many children, and Abu 'l-Bakhtari ibn Hisham and Zuhayr ibn (Abi) Umayyah al-Makhzumi and other of their notables - said: "We dissociate ourselves from this document." Abu Jahl likewise said: "This is a matter which was decided in the dark." Thus the Prophet and those who were with him were able to leave the ravine. Two months later, Abu Talib died. Khadijah also died soon after. These were two grave occurrences which the Messenger of Allah had to endure, and he was greatly saddened. He went in to see Abu Talib while he was breathing his last. He said: "O uncle, you cared for a child until he grew up. You supported him when he was a grown man, and cared for him as an orphan. May Allah, therefore, reward you on my behalf with the best reward. Give me a word (that is, the shahadah) that I may intercede with it on your behalf with my Lord." Abu Talib replied: "O son of my brother, were I not to fear the reproach of people after me, I would have gladdened your heart." Saying this he died. Muhammad ibn Ishaq reported that Khadijah daughter of Khuwaylid, and Abu Talib died in the same year. [37] Thus afflictions followed one another for the Messenger of Allah after the death of Khadijah and Abu Talib - for she was a true helper (wazir) to him in Islam, and he found comfort in her. Abu `Abdillah ibn Mandah reported in the Kitabu'l-Ma`rifah that Khadijah died three days after Abu Talib. [38] al-Waqidi claimed that they all left the ravine three years before the Migration. In that year Khadijah and Abu Talib died within the space of thirty-five nights. The Prophet Offers Himself To Neighboring Arab Tribes. The Allegiance Of The Ansar To Him, And The Event Of Al-`Aqabah It is reported in the book entitled Dala'ilu'n-Nubuwwah [39] on the authority of az-Zuhri (a well-known traditionist), that the Messenger of Allah used to offer himself as a prophet to the Arab tribes every year during the pilgrimage season. He used to speak to the chief of every tribe, requesting only that they give him shelter and protection. He said: "I shall not ask anyone of you to do anything he does not wish to do. For anyone of you who accepts what I have come to call you to, it is well. But I shall not compel anyone who would refuse. I only ask that you protect me from those who wish to kill me, so that I might convey the messages of my Lord - and Allah decrees what He wills for me and those who will follow him." Yet no one of them accepted him. Everyone he spoke to of these tribes would say: "The people of this man know best his claims. Do you think that a man can reform us when he has corrupted his own people, and who have therefore, abandoned him? " When Abu Talib died, trials increased greatly as never before for the Messenger of Allah. He thus turned to the tribe of Thaqif in the city of at-Ta'if in the hope that they might give him shelter. He sought three men, who were the notables of Thaqif in those days. They were brothers: `Abd Yalayl ibn `Amr, Habib ibn `Amr and Mas'ud ibn `Amr. He offered himself to them and told them of the trials that had afflicted him at the hands of his people. One of them exclaimed: "I swear that I would even steal the curtains of the Ka'bah, if Allah had truly sent you with anything! " The other said: "Could not Allah send someone other than you?" The third exclaimed: "By Allah, I shall never speak to you henceforth. By Allah, if you are truly the Messenger of Allah, you would be of too great honour for me even to speak to you. If, on the other hand, you lie concerning Allah, you would be too evil for me to speak to you." They mocked him and revealed to their people their conversation with him. The men then placed people in two lines in his way. When the Messenger of Allah passed between the two lines, he did not lift his feet or put them down but that they pelted them with stones. They repeated this until his feet bled. He escaped from them with his feet gushing blood, and ran to one of their gardens and took shelter under a tree, sad and suffering much pain. `Utbah ibn Rabi `ah and Shaybah ibn Rabi `ah were in the garden. He therefore did not wish to remain with them, as he knew their great hostility to Allah and His Messenger. When they saw him, they sent to him a servant of theirs called `Addas who was of the people of Naynawa (Nineveh), with grapes. When `Addas came to him, the Messenger of Allah asked: "From which land are you?" He answered: "I am of the people of Nineveh." He said to him: "So you are from the city of the righteous man Yunus (Jonah) son of Mitts (Matthew)." `Addas asked him: "How do you know who Yunus was? " The Messenger of Allah, who never looked down at anyone so much as not to convey to him the message of his Lord, answered: "I am the Messenger of Allah. Allah, exalted be He, informed me of the account of Yunus ibn Mitts." When he had told him what Allah had revealed to him concerning Yunus ibn Mitts, `Addas fell prostrate before Allah and began to kiss the Prophet's feet while they continued to gush blood. When `Utbah and Shaybah saw what their servant was doing, they kept silent. But when he returned to them they asked: "Why did you prostrate yourself before Muhammad and kiss his feet, while we never saw you do so to any of us?" He answered: "He is a righteous man who told me things which I recognized concerning a messenger whom Allah had sent to us, whose name was Yunus ibn Mitts." They laughed and said "Let him not tempt you away from your Christianity, for he is a deceitful man." The Messenger of Allah then returned to Mecca. `Ali ibn Ibrahim ibn Hashim (al-Qummi) reports that when the Messenger. of Allah returned from the city of at-Ta'if and approached Mecca with the intention of performing the `umrah (lesser pilgrimage), he did not wish to enter Mecca where he had no protector. He saw a man of the Quraysh who had secretly embraced Islam and said to him: "Go to al-Akhnas ibn Shurayq and tell him that Muhammad asks you to protect him until he performs the circumambulations ( tawaf , around the Ka'bah) and the running (sa`i) between the two hills of as-Safa and al-Marwa, for he has come to perform the `umrah." The man went to al-Akhnas and conveyed to him what the Messenger of Allah had said. al-Akhnas answered: "I am not of the Quraysh, but only an ally, and an ally cannot offer protection. I fear that they would violate my protection, and that would be an insult." The man returned to the Messenger of Allah and told him. The Messenger of Allah was hiding in the ravine of Harra' with Zayd ibn al-Harithah. He said to the man: "Go to Suhayl ibn `Amr and ask him to protect me only until I circumambulate the House (that is, the Ka'bah) and perform the sa`i (running between as-Safa and al-Marwa)." The man went and told Suhayl, but he answered: "No, I will not." The Messenger of Allah sent the man to Mut'im ibn `Adiyy (ibn `Amir) to make the same request. When the man went to him he asked: "Where is Muhammad?" The man, however, did not wish to tell him where the Prophet was. He rather answered: "He is nearby." Mut'im said: "Go to him and say that I shall give you protection. Come, therefore, and circumambulate and run as you wish." The Messenger of Allah entered the city. Mut'im said to his sons, his sister, and to his brother, who was called Tu'aymah ibn `Adiyy: "Take up your arms, for I have offered Muhammad protection! Stay around the Ka'bah until he performs the circumambulation and running." There were ten men in all who took up arms. Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah, then came in to the mosque. Abu Jahl saw him and said: "O people of Quraysh, here is Muhammad alone. His supporter has died; do with him, therefore, as you please." Tu'aymah ibn `Adiyy said to him: "O uncle, do not speak, for Abu Wahb (that is, Mut'im) has offered Muhammad protection." Abu Jahl went to Mut`im and asked: "Are you a protector, or one who has abandoned his religion for another?" He answered: "I am only a protector." Abu Jahl said: "In that case your protection will not be violated." When the Messenger of Allah had finished his circumambulation and running, he came to Mut'im and said: "O Abu Wahb, you have protected and done well! Release me now from your protection." Mut'im replied: "What would prevent you from remaining in my protection?" He answered: "I detest remaining in the protection of an Associator for more than one day." Mut'im then exclaimed: "O people of Quraysh, Muhammad has released himself from my protection! " 'Ali ibn Ibrahim (al-Qummi) reported that As'ad ibn Zurarah and Dhakwan ibn `Abd Qays, both of whom were of the Khazraj tribe of Medina, came to Mecca during one of the pilgrimage seasons. At that time a state of war, which had already lasted for a long time, existed between the Aws and Khazraj (both of which were Medinan tribes). The people did not lay down their arms by day or night. In the last engagement between them on the day of Bu'ath [40], the Aws tribe had prevailed over the Khazraj. As'ad ibn Zurarah and Dhakwan came to Mecca for the `umrah of the sacred month of Rajab seeking an alliance against the Aws tribe. As'ad ibn Zurarah was a friend of `Utbah ibn Rabi `ah. He thus came to him as a guest and said: "A long period of war has prevailed between us and our people. We have come, therefore, seeking alliance against them." `Utbah answered: "Your dwellings are far from ours, and we have an important preoccupation which prevents us from undertaking any other." As'ad asked: "What is your preoccupation, when you live securely in your sacred city? " "A man has appeared among us who claims that he is the Messenger of Allah", answered `Utbah. He continued: "This man has declared our minds foolish, and insulted our gods. He has also corrupted our youths and dissolved our unity." "Who is he?" As'ad asked. `Utbah replied: "He is the son of `Abdullah son of `Abdu 'l-Muttalib. He is of a family that is of high honour and status among us." As'ad and Dhakwan as well as all the people of the Aws and Khazraj tribes used to hear from the Jews of an-Nadir, Qurayzah and Qaynuqa' - who lived among them - that: "The time has come when a prophet shall appear in Mecca, whose migration shall be to Medina. With him we shall slay you all, O people of the Arabs! " When As'ad heard all this from `Utbah, the things which he had heard from the Jews came back into his mind. He thus asked: "Where is he?" `Utbah answered: "He is sitting in the Ka'bah. They do not come out of their ravine except during the pilgrimage season. As for you, do not listen to him or speak to him, for he is a sorcerer who would bewitch you with his words." All this took place at the time when the men of Hashim were besieged in the ravine. As'ad said: "What shall I do when I have come for the `umrah and it is necessary for me to circumambulate the House? " He answered: "Plug your ears up with cotton." As'ad then went into the sanctuary, having stuffed his ears with cotton. He circumambulated the House while the Messenger of Allah was sitting in the sanctuary with some of the men of Hashim. He looked at the Prophet and passed him by. As he passed by, however, performing the second circumambulation, he said to himself: "Truly, there is no one more foolish than I ! Should all this occur in Mecca, and I know not what it is so that I might go back to my people and tell them? " He thus took the cotton out of his ears, threw it away and addressed the Messenger of Allah, saying: "Have a happy morning!" This was the greeting of the Arabs before Islam. The Messenger of Allah turned to him and said: "Allah has given us another greeting instead which is better than this one; it is the greeting of the people of Paradise: `as-Salamu `alaykum' [peace be upon you] ." As'ad said: "You must have come recently to this! What do you call men to, O Muhammad?" He replied: "To the witness (shahadah) that there is no god but Allah, and that I am the Messenger of Allah! I enjoin upon you that: `You associate nothing with Him, and that you act kindly towards your parents. Do not kill your children for fear of poverty, for We shall provide both for you and them. Do not come near vile transgressions, be they disclosed or hidden, and do not kill a soul, which Allah has made unlawful except with justice. With all this you have been charged that perhaps you may understand. Do not come near the wealth of an orphan except in the fairest manner, until he reaches the age of discretion. Give full and just measure and weight. Yet We do not charge a soul except in accordance with its capacity. When you speak, speak justly, even if it be against one who is nearest of kin. Fulfil Allah's covenant. You are enjoined to all this, that perhaps you may recollect.' " [41] When As'ad heard this, he exclaimed: "I bear witness that there is no god but Allah alone, having no associate, and that you are the Messenger of Allah! O Messenger of Allah, may my father and my mother be a ransom for you! I am of the city of Yathrib (Medina), of the Khazraj tribe. All relations between us and our brothers of the Aws tribe are cut off. If Allah were to re-establish them by means of you, I would find no one more honoured than you. Another man of my people is accompanying me. I trust that he too will enter into this matter, and that Allah will set our affairs right through you. By Allah, 0 Messenger of Allah, we often heard reports of you from the Jews. They used to announce to us your coming forth and inform us of your characteristics. I trust that our abode shall be the abode of your migration, and that with us shall be your dwelling. The Jews have informed us of this. Praise be to Allah Who led me to you! By Allah, I came only to seek some alliance against our opponents. Yet Allah has given us something better than the purpose for which I came." Dhakwan then came, and As'ad told him: "This is the Messenger of Allah whom the Jews announced and of whose characteristics they informed us. Come, therefore, and declare your Islam." Dhakwan thus accepted Islam and said: "O Messenger of Allah, send with us a man who would teach us the Qur'an and call the people to your message." The Messenger of Allah sent Mus'ab ibn `Umayr, a youth who had lived in luxury with his parents, who preferred him over all their other children, and who had never left Mecca. But when Mus'ab became a Muslim, his parents disowned him, and he remained with the Messenger of Allah in the ravine until the signs of exhaustion were visible on his changed face. The Messenger of Allah ordered him to go with As'ad, as he had learned much of the Qur'an. Dhakwan then left for Medina with As'ad accompanied by Mus'ab ibn `Umayr. When As'ad and Dhakwan came to their people, they told them about the Messenger of Allah and his message. From every family one or two men accepted Islam. Mus'ab lived with As'ad ibn Zurarah, and every day he would go around the assemblies of the men of Khazraj calling them to Islam, but only the youths would accept his call. There was a man called `Abdullah ibn Ubayy who was a notable of the Khazraj tribe. They all agreed to appoint him as king over them because of his honourable status and generosity. They had made a crown for him which they then presented to him, seeking by this mediation in their long hostilities, for he had not fought on the side of his people of the Khazraj in the war of Bu'ath, nor had he supported them against the Aws tribe. He had said

Advice would be appreciated!? Recently, I've been seeing a man, a man who is living with another woman. He's the mother of her child. And from what he says, they're unhappy together, we weren't in anything serious, so I accepted a date invitation from another man. A man who was free, and single, without any restrictions. The first man found out about the date, questioned me about it, and I told him that yes, I was planning on going, and he became angry, and told me that if I was going to be with him, he wanted me to be with ONLY him. And we spoke briefly about it, and I don't at all think it's fair for him to ask me to commit to him while he's got another woman at home. A homewrecker or whore, I'm not, this man approached me, and I didn't find out about his girlfriend and child until after I'd developed feelings for him. But his situation creates special circumstances, and I deserve better than to commit to someone, and always be second best. How do I explain this to him?

Unique Marriage Twist, Can It Work? Well after separating for awhile, my husband and I talked long and hard about what we want in life. I want to experience more people, including men but non sexually and I want my husband to remain faithful to me so I basically offerred this. If he would let me date other men then I would keep him (my husband) completely satisfied sexually. I would literally be at his beck and call and I would not have sex with the men I date. I know it is strange and unique but if we are willing to pioneer this and work out the bugs ourselves, is it worth a shot? The alternative is us losing the amazing connection we currently have forever. He came to this marriage having slept with or dated over 50 women and I had been with 3. There is just something missing that I seek yet he is happy as long as he has his "needs" met. We are free and open people so for us this seems like it could work but opinions and advice help so fire away. Perhaps others have been faced with similar situations. I appreciate all the answer, good and bad :) Well my husband will allow me to have sex with men as long as he can be involved so that isn't an issue. Yes this is a crazy proposal, that is why I am asking for input. Pont is, my husband loves me so much he would rather have me like this, than not at all. He has for 9 years not fulfilled any of his promises to change and so if he won't, then I need connection with others and he knows this. We have had a rocly relationship the whole time but the passion is intense. We both are open about how we feel so nobody is in the dark. rocky, not rocly

NOW THAT im alone? following the question i asked previously. now that im alone. im looking for a date? any advice ..i need an honest loving man. any idea of any internetinterracial free dating sites in uk.coz i want that to be my first stop whilst i pick myself up from a broken heart

Guys only i need your advice......asap? okay here's my question okay i'm seeing this guy but he has a girlfriend but they don't stay togther nor do they have any kids together he spend's all his free time with me but i work weekends so when iam working he would tell me he's going to be with her but my thing is why would he keep her around cause when we are together and she calls him he allways tell her not to call him and that if she does it's going to be over now iam not the one that's bother by him havin a girl cause i have a man and we stay together but iam will to just be with him my thing is why stay with someone when me and the other dude is together all the time more then we are with the people we are dating so my thing is why he still with her Iit does not matter if you can't read it all my point is why he still fucking around with her when me and him is together 4 out of 7days a week and the sex is off the hook and his girl is allways calling talking about if she give him money can she come over now thats one thing iam not going to do is pay a guy to come see him not but thats why iam asking you guy's so i can do what i have to do i just needed someone to talk to about this we all over the age of 26 so with that being said do not say anything stupid cause i know what i need to do just trying to see what other's think about it ... you guys didn't read the fact that i said i have a dude to and we stay together read people before you try to help me

I have a some questions for bi-sexual girls or lesbians, can you help answer them? I'm 34 and have had a boyfriend for almost 8 years now. We are growing apart. Our relationship is very stressful. Since I was a teen, I've found myself attracted to women. I did "experiment" in college but didn't date any women. If my bf and I split, I'd like to try dating a woman but I don't know how to meet any! I really don't want to go to a gay bar (I live an hour from Chicago) and just "hook up". What are some other ways? I'm preety but I am feminine, would both "butch" and "girly" (I hope these terms are not offensive, if they are, please tell me the correct terms) women, possibly find me attractive? I'm also very shy at first around both women and men, is that a problem? I'd love to find a woman who loves animals just as much as I do and someone I can talk to about anything (this is not the case with any man I've ever dated). Please give me any advice you have! What about free dating services online, are there any good sites? Or is this a bad way to meet someone?

I recently met a nigerian man on a Christian website. , he lives in Houston ,TX and says he has his papers, we have a lot in common, and he seems to be on the up and up, we have only been talking a few days, he calls regularly and seems to be genuine. However, I have heard so many things about nigerian men trying to scam women. He has not asked me for anything, and he is planning to come visit me in a few weeks. He works for a major airline so he travels for free. My question is before I get to involved how can I know if he is real and not up to something? Any women on her ever dated a nigerian man? Oh and if it helps he has been in the states for 10 yrs.. any help or advice will help. in response to stephanie, he is divorced and has papers. He seems to be consistent in the things he tells me, because i constantly bring them up again. I'm no fool and usually know when someone is lying, because i have had scammers approach me before. This man has asked me for nothing.

Dangit Man, I Need More Advice..? Took this girl out on a date once. We had a pretty good time. We make plans to hang out again over spring break. Later as I'm talking to her, it turns out she will be too busy over the break to hang out with me, which was true because the woman has A LOT of things going on. The week before the break, I tell her that when she has free time, just give me a call and we'll do something. I see her today at this event that she was in charge of (a friend I work with asked me to be on his team). I see her, but we don't get to talk to much. She made a couple of attempts, but she was in charge of the event. I ask her how her past couple of weeks were and she says that its been busy and that she's been hanging with friends. Should I try to call her tonight to see what going on and to see if her and I can do something again? How many of you would just say the heck with it and move on? Hey Graxy, its not that I give up easily. There are details that I'm not telling you guys and I'm also just reading between the lines...

Me, a 23 year old man, am dating a 44 year old women, question? The relationship is increideble she has a son that is 24 years old another that is 22 and 4 grils that are between the ages of 7-9. The communication is wonderful the problem that we as a couple are having is the sin that we are living. We are living together and have been dating for 3 months. She has tried 4 times to let me go because she feels as if she is a burden on my life. So she has in all her power try to let me go but I will not let her go. She is smart funny mature successful and just can not get enough of her. We are talking about marrige and my heart says go for it. I love this women and her 4 beautiful little girls. Any tips advice, anything please feel free to express your thoughts?

Urgent dating question? I am somewhat seeing a man who is much older than me and the other night we almost got intimate. He wonders why such a young woman would want him. He is also seeing a woman whom he says he is not in Love with, tells me she is ugly and that she is too possesive and that he is free to do what he wants but he almost seems afraid of her and yet he still does things with her. We play games with each other, such as not answering the phone purposely. ( I do it to keep him on his toes) I don't know why he does it. We got very intimate the other night but he hasn't called me yet, should I be worried? Maybe I could do better but I never seem to attract the right kind of guy. Should I just forget about him? We have a great time together and we have alot of chemistry. Any advice would be appreciated. P.S It has been 2 days and he hasn't called, I know we had a great time so whats the deal?

Advice Pls!! My girlfriends messed up controlling dad! HELP!!? I started dating this girl a 2 months ago and things have progressed pretty fast (in terms of our feelings).. I am v. fond of her and we really enjoy our time together. The problem is her dad. Let me start by saying the man is a complete headcase. He has phisically harmed & threatened his wife and & keeps his kids (his daughters 20 and his sons 18) as virtual prisoners. When i say this i mean.. both of them have to be in by 4:30pm everyday (her when she finishes work and him when he finishes college) and have to spend weekends with the family. They have to do bizzare jobs for him, my gf, for example has to plough through the TV guide every week and put black tape over the shows he doesnt like (otherwise he goes mental). This guy has banned his daughter from having contact with me so we have to meet in secret an is not allowed to mention my name in the house (ive never even met him). I want her to leave home.. not necessarily to be with me but to be free. but she seems scared. oooh just to expand to give a fuller picture... other things this man does: he has banned the numbers 14 and 76 in his house as they cause him to go wild woth rage... he disinfects all the shopping as is paranoid with germs. Basically, I dont think he wants her to ever meet a boy or have children, he wants her, just like his wife (who hasnt been allowed out on her own for the past 8 years) to grow old and die there.. I also fear my gf is suffering from stockholm syndrome... like she keeps sticking up for her dad and i think she s terrified of life without him... the pain of seeing her like this is splitting my head open... can anybody give me some advice??

i need advice about the man I meet through Yahoo personals? I have my profile at yahoo personals and I was browsing men profiles and I sent an small note to this man that i liked, next day I got from him an answer were he said_ that he likes my profile and if he was not free he were not be at the personals, ok, we start chatting and talking on the phone for 1 week and we decided to meet in person at a coffee house and when we met he was very nice, gentleman, vey respectful and he is the type of man I liked. The next day after the meeting, he sent me an email asking if I would like to meet with him again and I sent an email back saying- yes of course! But 2 nights ago we were talking by the phone and he was saying to me_it is normal if I want to meet another person and see what happend, and he said_ if you like somebody and you would like to meet him in person, ok do it, because we are not dating we are just meeting... Well we just meet once , but I'm confuse because if he likes me and he wants to meet me again why he said that to me? Maybe I should take this relationship with more calm, because he said _he does not want any rush, first friends... But I 'll hope everybody understand me because I did not like it when he said_ you can try with another man if you want and see what happend, because we do not know yet what it is going to happend between us...:=( but I do not want really to try with a different man I like to try with him first and if does not work out, ok i will... And I'm assume he is going to try with a different women :=(

advice desperately needed? I have a sister who is 11 months younger than me, I got married 3 years ago, am doing a masters in behavioural genetics and am also working part time. My sister is doing her nursing diploma, and is dating my husbands best mate for 6 months now. Her man is so cool, I mean he's really laid back and we get along really well. Ok, now my sister is the type of person I'd not rather be around in my adulthood, reason being is becuase she's so negative and in a way I feel she brings me down. I am the type of person that likes to try any haircut, clothing etc. I am free to change and learnt this from my modelling shoot days. If I get my hair cut she'd always say something about how she liked my hair hair long, ok so she has a right to her opinion, but she always does it. I am very confortable with myself, and prefer to be natural, I hardly wear makeup however I used to be selfconcious about my face as a teen and so used to slap on makeup. my husband always tells me that I am beautiful regardless. However my sister is always saying "why dont you wear makeup anymore, you look better with it on", always such negative comments. She even had the nerve to say her boyfriend was looking at my pics when I had long hair etc. and said I looked pretty, almost an insult to my short hair. Funny thing is he's always telling me how my short hair looks really nice. Either way even if he made those comments etc. why does she have to tell me? She even told me how apparently a friend of a friend is jobless after graduating from behavioural genetics. Again, maybe its true, but why tell me and bring me down?

Went to a free kickboxing Class 9 months ago and just received a bill for not paying monthly fee?? need advice? Ijust received a bill in the mail from ASF international for non payments of monthly dues for la boxing. I am not a member ! I went into the Marietta Location early last year, In April sometime and attended a (one class ) free class to see if I was interested in joining the gym. Before I started I had to fill out a waiver with all my info (name, birthday, age and emergency contacts etc.) in case of an emergency during my workout. I remember joking with the man that took my emergency contact info about if I fell during my working that I couldn't’t sue. After my class was over I went to the front counter and asked what the fees wore if I wanted to join, he filled out a long piece of paper and then told me what my options wore and what it would cost me to join. I explained to the man behind the counter that the fees wore to high and I would’t be able to afford it for a while. I did not sign anything except for the waiver at the beginning of the class. Then I left. yesterday I received and bill in the mail for not paying dues????? I’m extremely upset with this in regards to the fact that I have never signed a contract nor have I ever paid a dime to this gym! I have never even received a phone call or a previous bill or statement that stated that I owed anything. Now, after almost 1 full year I receive a bill in the mail and states close to $300.00! I don’t understand how this is! Is is legal? They don't have my SSN! THANK GOD! can they send me to collections where it can hurt my credit with my ssn? Since the form says that I had to pay a down payment (never paid a dime) and i didn't and the contract wasn't even sent to the billing dept for 9 months after everything is dated and i never attended a class is there a way to fight this? I feel like I'm being scammed! I signed one place on the form under "waiver and release of liability" and the other signatures wore not from me! They look like my signatures and say its from me but i know for a fact that i didn't not sign anywhere Else! What do i do? do i have any options?

Dating a Man 35 Years Older Than You? I mean come on, is this really possible? No! So, my cousin called me last night me and told me an older man gave her his business card and told her to call anytime she wanted to "chit chat". A grown man chiting and chatting with....a kid (basically that's what she is & she isn't a minor). Let me also add that he's a pilot an offered a "let me know if you're going anywhere..." which is a equivalent if you need anything just let me know (e.g. free plane tickets). We all know what that really means... *shakes head* I need to get into her head before her parents find out. Any advice? Ages?? Well lets say this...she's still in college and not graduate school....So you can practically guesstimate how old he is. ANDREW Q: What I meant by "we all know what that means" is that this is an old grown man offering her plane tickets...it's rare someone just does something without expecting nothing in return. Unless you're Blessed Mother Theresa or Princess Diana...and exactly how many of those do we have left???? I guess he saw something young and cute and ran for it. *sighs*

Me, a 23 year old man, am dating a 44 year old women, question? The relationship is increideble she has a son that is 24 years old another that is 22 and 4 grils that are between the ages of 7-9. The communication is wonderful the problem that we as a couple are having is the sin that we are living. We are living together and have been dating for 3 months. She has tried 4 times to let me go because she feels as if she is a burden on my life. So she has in all her power try to let me go but I will not let her go. She is smart funny mature successful and just can not get enough of her. We are talking about marrige and my heart says go for it. I love this women and her 4 beautiful little girls. Any tips advice, anything please feel free to express your thoughts?

I went to a free kickboxing class and 9 months later recieved a bill for not paying a membership. Need advice!? Ijust received a bill in the mail from ASF international for non payments of monthly dues for la boxing. I am not a member ! I went into the Marietta Location early last year, In April sometime and attended a (one class ) free class to see if I was interested in joining the gym. Before I started I had to fill out a waiver with all my info (name, birthday, age and emergency contacts etc.) in case of an emergency during my workout. I remember joking with the man that took my emergency contact info about if I fell during my working that I couldn't’t sue. After my class was over I went to the front counter and asked what the fees wore if I wanted to join, he filled out a long piece of paper and then told me what my options wore and what it would cost me to join. I explained to the man behind the counter that the fees wore to high and I would’t be able to afford it for a while. I did not sign anything except for the waiver at the beginning of the class. Then I left. yesterday I received and bill in the mail for not paying dues????? I’m extremely upset with this in regards to the fact that I have never signed a contract nor have I ever paid a dime to this gym! I have never even received a phone call or a previous bill or statement that stated that I owed anything. Now, after almost 1 full year I receive a bill in the mail and states close to $300.00! I don’t understand how this is! Is is legal? They don't have my SSN! THANK GOD! can they send me to collections where it can hurt my credit with my ssn? Since the form says that I had to pay a down payment (never paid a dime) and i didn't and the contract wasn't even sent to the billing dept for 9 months after everything is dated and i never attended a class is there a way to fight this? I feel like I'm being scammed! I signed one place on the form under "waiver and release of liability" and the other signatures wore not from me! They look like my signatures and say its from me but i know for a fact that i didn't not sign anywhere Else! What do i do? do i have any options?

Need some realtionship advice ? Hi everyone thanks for helping before hand! I have been dating my Girlfriend for 8 months. I cant Speak for her but I can at least say I like her as a person more than any girl i've ever experienced or have been attracted to. I've had these feeling since the first night we meet and they keep getting stronger. We are both very attractive people, have never had a fight - not one, both atheist - which is hard to find and is important in the way we live our life and carry out our ethics. We hang out all the time, gone on trips, just got back from xmas with my family, into art, politics, working out ect, ect. Prior to us meeting we were hell bent on staying single and "free" forever. The issue is not our relationship - i think that its excellent but this is for the both of us our first relationship. Out side of prior dates and us both sleeping around a bit at one point, this is all we have to go off of but it just seems to good. Is this what every relationship is like when you find someone that's compatible? At times i feel like im taking our relationship too serious and feel like im missing out of other potential great relationships with women...... but I also know i'm not really compatible - relationship wise (i have tried), with many women for anything more than a one night stand (i'm attractive and in great shape but to into classical music,wine,art. law and political policy - which bores women ) and to feel anyway close to the way i feel about her is a tall order since i have felt this way about her from day one, and find her eternally attractive. Because of our sick sense humor, world view and passionate interest in art and politics/law - which may sound interesting but, when it comes down to it most people are just saying that stuff to sound interesting and after a date i could tell.. Most women and men really are not that deep or passionate about anything and, many people look down on you for not being religious also. Another issue is that i'm going to law school and while she potentially may come with me at the same time she's thinking of moving to europe.While I would love to do that I need to finish law school. Basically from experience would you stay together no matter what as long as its going great? Or are we just enthralled that this is our first real relationships? does a relationship like this happen more once you get in the groove of having a realtionship/s ? For the more experienced people, in hindsight did you make the right decision when having to move to a new job,school ect ect, or wish you should have stayed with your first love cause you never ended up finding better. I guess my worst fear is ending a relationship on such good terms because of conflicting futures; issues which upon graduation we will have to deal with.

mostly for guys: Dating: Is a guy who wants sex right away remotely interested in a relationship? Advice wanted for my teen daughters. My husband told me that all men are scum but if they compliment you and tell you that you are beautiful... so beautiful that they want to be in you. Have ANYTHING with the percursor to a relationship? AND If they say no, do any of you then they would have 'shot themselves in the foot' for a relationship as being prudish? I know the 'cow and free milk' concept. I just want your takes on it so it's not just what *I* say. You are answering as if the male is also a teen. Does that also apply to YOU? the 'mature' man?

Can someone provide me with information on handleing this? My mother has been dating this man for about five years now. After the first few years, of the relationship, her boyfriend had become vulgar, inconciderate, and abusive. He would start out with cursing, which lead to yelling. He then began to throw objects with force during arguing with her. This past weekend, he threatned to be physically violent. My mother is a strong women and has had enough. There is children envolved, my sister - 12, my other sister (she is my mother and her boyfriend's child) - 3 and my self. She wants him to move out, but he refuses to leave and finds no reason why she wants him to do so. If anyone can give me so advice on how to help my mother through this and to get him out, please feel free to help!

Need Advice - WOMEN OLY PLS!!? I am registered on an online dating site. I used to have epilepsy but had brain surgery in June 2007 for it. Because of the brain surgery I have alot of trouble remembering things that people tell me (re: 5min later it is forgotten). This makes it very hard if I am out on a first date and they want to meet me again because I don't remember anything they told me. None of the men take it well when I tell them I had brain surgery (even though I am seizure free). Question For The Women: If you were like me, would you put this in your online profile so that men know you had surgery and are now "seizure free" before they contact you ?????? Thanks!

Do opposites attract? How do opposing personalities work in a relationship? I am dating the "perfect" man. The problem is, that we are total opposites. I am a liberal hippie and he is a conservative redneck who grew up in the Bible belt. We look different, listen to different music, like doing different things with free time. I am patient, he is not, he has a temper I don't, he likes being around people, I don't, I mean you name it- we're opposites. But I feel safe around him. I like him, he's funny. He likes me back, alot. Any advice?

advice please? I have a sister who is 11 months younger than me, I got married 3 years ago, am doing a masters in behavioural genetics and am also working part time. My sister is doing her nursing diploma, and is dating my husbands best mate for 6 months now. Her man is so cool, I mean he's really laid back and we get along really well. Ok, now my sister is the type of person I'd not rather be around in my adulthood, reason being is becuase she's so negative and in a way I feel she brings me down. I am the type of person that likes to try any haircut, clothing etc. I am free to change and learnt this from my modelling shoot days. If I get my hair cut she'd always say something about how she liked my hair hair long, ok so she has a right to her opinion, but she always does it. I am very confortable with myself, and prefer to be natural, I hardly wear makeup however I used to be selfconcious about my face as a teen and so used to slap on makeup. I have a very understanding husband who says I dont need makeup, however my sis says I look better with makeup etc. She's really negative. I mean she even told me how her boyfriend was looking at my pics as a teen and said that I was pretty THEN. To be honest, I dnt see why they have to talk about my looks in the first place whether or not I looked good or bad. Me and my husband just dnt do that. I cant understand my sis

Ladies: Have you ever had this problem? You go into a regular chat room to get advice for something unrelated to dating. All of a sudden, you get nine or more different windows open, all from men who are in there only looking to date someone via cyberspace. You politely say that you're not interested but they keep buzzing you. How many of you had this happen before? (It happened last night to my cousin. She told one fellow that she was in a relationship with another girl-she only said that to get him to leave her alone- and he was still asking her for her picture and her real name! Yikes!!) Men, feel free to answer this too, but change it to women buzzing you instead. BTW, my cousin went into a PARENTING chat room for advice on our cousin's son. There was one really nice lady in there and my cousins really appreciated her advice, but this one guy would not make like a tree and leave my cousin alone!

need advice right now? I am in atlanta and my boyfriend is in Chicago. We just had a falling out and things are not on good terms with us because of it. I have been trying to be patient and supportive of him while he deals with various family and personal issues but since he is being pulled in every direction he is short with me and I am growing tired of it and want it to all come to an end. I love him though because of the man that he is. Sometimes good people have a couple hard knocks you know. My question is should I fly him down to see me to spend a evening at the hotel that we started dating at together to recconect? Or do I let it ride? I have a free airline ticket to use and we have been dating for a 1 1/2 years. Is this appropriate for a woman to do or no? He really could use a break and get out of town and we really need to see each other our relationship is in trouble

How do you go about getting a date?? Been single a little over a yea, I tried a service for free called "The right One" I dated 1 guy for 2 months, I'm having a serious dry spell I can't even find a guy to casual date?? there either BI or taken............. any advice on meeting men? Trust me I meet guys not the right ones they either want to be in a realitionship too soon, or play head games and never let you in. If were all looking for "love" why is it so hard to find.......